Remember i closed down my stocks and shares ISA? Well it looks like i will have made just over 1 pound profit. woohoo! Yeah, it doesn't sounds much, but it's actually more than it would have earned staying in a bank account. I think this has shown me that once i buy my place, i will put some money back into one of those type of ISA's.

Steve says that i shoudl wait until something better turns up, but what if that flat is the better?

It was a bit of an upsetting weekend for me. I went to the estate agents and found out that i couldn't get as much mortgage as i had hoped, and that i will be quite limited in what i can buy. Plus, the cost of taking on the maximum amount would leave me with very little spare cash (about 50 quid). I thought that i would wait, but then the estate agents got me upset by saying that if i did wait i would never be able to afford to sort of place i wanted, and indeed would never be able to get on the property ladder. I have to escape and the thought of never being able to filled me with such despair and dread that i started to cry and ran out of the place.

Eventually i made my way home and after further tears, i found the Sutton Observer which my mum had thrown in the bin (i noticed that she had not thrown away the Sutton News which does not have property listings in it) and started looking through it for cheaper properties.

I found one, which is in a simillar block of flats to my friend Alison, but it had already gone and i was 5th in line in case any others from that block came onto the market! I rang up about another, on the same road, but a little closer. It isn't is as nice an area (the fencing has wire along the top), but the flat is more expensive and from the outside the rooms look a decent size. And size is something that is important to me, since i want something that doesn't make me feel trapped.

I don't feel too badly, although there is a deep sadness that i cannot afford the type of place my friends have. Then i have to remind myself that my friends first places were not bought by themselves, they had boyfriends and husbands to contribute.

Another thing that tipped me off at the estate agents was them asking if i couldn't buy with someone (like i'd be attempting to buy alone if i did), or if i couldn't get my parents to contribute (my mum has nothing to give).

I am worried about moving to a less safe area, and i am worried about moving into a ground floor flat. But i remind myself that i have lived in houses, which are just as easy to break into.

I also become aware of my own "snobbishness", which i know for a fact that i inherited from parents. Possibly as a result of their own poor upbringing.

Went to Body Balance last night, it was a new routine and i think it will keep me challenged for some time to come! The music is good, and i will try and download a couple of the tracks (if i can work out what they are!). It seems i will eventually download enough to create my very own chill out CD!

I had a bit of a think today that spending so much money this month (ok,so i'll get 500 quid of the extra thousand i spent next week or early the week after), was a sign to me that i really need to think about budgeting. I don't want to end up like my mum with so much debt. Normally i suppose i would save up for things, but with all of my savigns earmarked for a house, i have let it slide.

I feel quite positive that i can make up the difference int he next couple of months. I know that money was spent on wedding gifts, engagement champagne, sending a box to the USA. Amongst other things. Plus extra petrol for my trip to Sheffield. I think i just need to keep an eye on things, and perhaps check my balance every Friday.

One of the reasons why i like to keep an extra thousand in my account is so that i can have mad months. I guess with thinking abotu buying a house it came as a bit of a shock. But i will not need to take out 500 to put into my savings, and although i'm going to try and book those two holidays, i will not book myself on any other events.

I have the free ski ticket to use up, so there is one saturday or sunday taken care of. I think this will also teach me to stop buying so much crap. I know i do. I have an amazon wish list of things that i really want, and yet i still go and buy cd's from HMV which are not on that list.

Smallkat's list of things to do (or not do) to save money

For one month:

1)Do not buy a book. I have 3 which are unread, and a whole stack which i can reread with great pleasure.

2)Do not buy a CD. I have loads of CD's which i haven't yet listened to. I will start now.

Do not buy any new cosmetics. I do not need more beauty crap cluttering up the place

Sell cd's that i don't listen to on ebay.

Sell Anne Mcaffrey Pern collection.

Stop treating myself to Hot Fat Jackets (4.10 each week). Eat 30p noodles from sainburys instead.

Try to stop having mid-afternoon treats.

Do not buy a tv guide.

That should do it. I just need to curb my spending

I took the
What Mythological Creature Are you? test by
!

With the dawn of each new day i think about the moon. Specifically drawing down the moon.. The only thing, other than the price, which puts me off joining an introduction agency is my previous experience with Dateline magazine. I got quite a few emails, but i had no desire to reply to 40-something Londoners who are interested in 20-somethings.

Most people my age go to parties and seem naturally to meet people. I don't. I just don't know many people my age, and those i do know have never said that they knew someone who would be perfect for me to go out on a date with. SPICE is great, but most people are 30+ and are closer to 40. Or else the 20 somethings go to other events.

That is one of the reasons why i am going to try and go on a ski holiday. I'm also trying to turn myself into a 20-something professional. I know that i don't wear the right clothes (because of my weight and height) and the ones i do wear are not maintained properly(greying black t-shirts, scruffed shoes). Another reason for getting my own place is so that i can have a more easiyl acessible wardrobe. My current wardrobe is quite hard to get to, and contains "thin" clothes. I also have a free standing rack that contains "fat" clothes. The rack is easier to get to, but it takes up too much space in my already overcrowded room.

Oh, it turns out that the money i put into a stocks and shares ISA was not the right thing to do. I really needed to put the whole 7k into it, and not just 500 pounds. I am wondering whether or not to take it out, or just leave it there. After all, that 500 could be going into my house fund, bringing me one month closer to getting my own place. Or should i leave it there as an extra little saving, to grow by a few pennies? I don't know. I think i may leave it there, and then transfer it into a cash ISA later this year so that i have something there. As a young person i know i should take mroe risks with my money. Or should i take the money from an ISA and put it into a different kind of investment?

What i do know is that i am going to try and save a bit extra this month...Or not. I just rang up and found out that my bank account is about a thousand pounds less than iwould normally expect it to be...because i paid that 500 quid into the stocks and shares. I think i might have to pay in a bit a less this month. I don't like going so low.

I knew that this month would be tight, but the trouble is my memory is poor that i forgot that fact. This is what it is going to be like all the time if i buy a house, and that is a scary thought.

I decided to close the stocks and shares account. I'm far too risk averse. But i hate being poor. I hate counting every penny. And yet, i spend too much. i Spent a good hundred pounds this weekend, without even thinking about it. This month i will think about it. I need to leave myself a reminder somewhere, because i know that i will forget. Damn...and i was going to try and book myself and ski and muder mystery holiday

My mate Steve got made redundant yesterday. A real shame, because he's a decent bloke and a hard worker. I know exactly what he is going through because i went through it myself last year. It doesn't make it any easier though. He is going to come up and visit over the weekend (cue panic for me about eating), because his parents are currently in Australia. I hope he's doing ok today (yesterday he went out and got really drunk!). I know that he will end up in a great job where he is really appreciated.

Remember i posted a link to 100 ways you know that you are a Brummie? well one of them was that a bus route which took several hours and ended exactly where it began seemed normal to you (well, it does!)...i have found out that someone has done a narrated tour of that bus route! Only in Brum, eh!

The weighing machine in Boots had run out of paper, and i cannot remember Kilos, but i can remember that it did seem a little less than last week, so i am going to say that i lost a pound. Then if i maintain this week, i will know why.

I was doing well, until i went to the engagement party and although i was careful about drinking the nibbles provided just kept of going down my mouth. Maybe i really was hungry. The party was good, although i felt a little out of place. Many people left early, but i stayed right until the end. I got home after getting a lift off Sean and then watched CSI. It's a bit of a ritual for me. No matter what time i get home, i have to watch CSI. Yeah, i'm stupid. But back to the party. It was really nice to everyone, and the engaged couple are so right for each other. And the ring was very elegant.

And for one evening i was not jealous. But now i'm back there again! Oh well.

Sunday i decided to go to touchwood and check out uniqlo. I didn't really like their style of t-shirts. But i did pass by bravissimo, which was a big surprise. I knew their web presence, but i had no idea that they actually had shops, too. I bought a new bra, which is a little tight but only because i am used to one which has lost it's elasticity. The new one certainly gives me more lift!

Later i went to Body Balance. I was so stiff, and in fact today my arms hurt. I must have really been pushing myself. I would give myself the night off, but Wednesday i am going to riverdance!

I totally forgot about Friday five...better late than never eh.


1. What's your favorite TV show and why? The one show that ihave to watch is CSI. I don't know why it's this above all others. Maybe it's because the characters care... I also love the West Wing. I don't know that much about US politics, and this explains things in a non-patronising way.


b>2. Who is your favorite television star? Probably the lovely Dr Carter from ER. Rich,smart and caring.


3. What was your favorite TV show as a child? Bagpuss. I used to cry when the programme finished.


4. What show do you think should have been cancelled by now? Friends. Hugely funny at first...not much anymore.


5. What new show do you hope escapes the axe this season? The only show i have really liked recently has been Ted and Alice. But i doubt it'll come back from another couple of episodes. I also wish Millennium had never been cancelled...

Well, i ended up not eating well. Everyone else was having a starter, and i don't like to make myself noticed for lack of eating. I ate pate (which was a bit too livery for my taste), i had carbonara for my main (delicious, but i couldn't finish it) and one profiterole for dessert (also delicious, and one was enough). I felt very full.

This morning i have only put on one pound, so i am hoping to lose that by tomorrow and end up as maintainign for my official weigh in. Only a few weeks in and i am already at that stage...but leaving do's happen vey rarely (and i am missing out on work meal next week because i am going to see riverdance). It's very annoying, especially since if this had happened earlier in the week, i could have probably got it all off. I am trying not to be too sad.

I find myself constantly thinking about Neil...he was one of the blokes that i mentioned in this entry. The one that i never heard from again. It's been a year...and i still think about him. We seemed so right together, and i thought that we had made a connection. We spoke on the phone for hours, and then suddenly it all stopped. I suspect that the reason was because of my age (or lack of it), he told me in an email that he was looking for someone 35+, no kids. And i just didn't fit into that category.

I watched the last episode of Ted and Alice after i came back from the meal. I loved it so much. think that the BBC put it on the wrong channel (should have been bbc2), advertised it incorrectly (it wasn't a comedy) and at the wrong time. There were still questions that were left unanswered (70's Mark...why?)

Well, i was doign realyl weight at not eating...i bought some instant soups for lunch (quite tasty) but i ended up at 3:15 caving in and bought a cadburys brunch bar, and a flapjack.

Oh dear.

I think my hair has finally stopped fading...it's not a good colour, but it is liveable.

Today is going to be tough diet wise. I have done realyl well all week, but tonight i'm going out for a meal. I'm also meeting someone for lunch, so i can't skip lunch.

Because i am very small, i can only eat a limited amount (2 meals a day, and i can lose weight) and this is not going to help. Even worse is that it's Thursday, so i don't have time to recover. It wouldn't normally matter, but i have only just lost that weight that i gained and i had hoped to lose a bit more to ensure that i was back on track.

Now, i do have the menu for the meal tonight, and i'm going for pasta with tomatoes and chillis! This is quite brave of me, i normally stay away in case they are too hot for me. Plus i can have a starter portion, instead of full size portion for my main meal.

Wahey - for the first time, my stocks and shares ISA has gone up in value! Yes, i only have 500 pounds in it, but i will try and open another one later this year (possibly with the funds from selling my company shares).

I sent off a couple more postcards for postcard party. So far i have only received one, but it was worth it because it was from Gilly, whose blog i now love to read!

I was having a random look through rightmove, and came across a couple of houses. Both within my price range, and in areas i wouldn't mind living in. So i rang up the estate agents..both had already been sold! I found myself talked into going and having a look at a couple of other properties on Saturday. Both are just a little bit out of my comfort zone. And i am beginning to panic, although i know that i don't actually have to do anything. I don't have to buy, and indeed i'm not in a rush... the idea of that much debt, and that much to pay out each month (although i would happily stay in more often!)

I had my blood test today. It wasn't too bad, and meant that i i went to the gym in the morning. It was quite different, but i was glad to get it out of the way. The atmosphere was less frenetic, and i had a good workout.

I looked around for a dress for Spoon's wedding over the weekend (in between hair trauma ; which, incidentally, is fading still. oh well. At least it's not a shock now), and found a lovely looking one.

Dark, but with purpley flowers. The only problem was that although i could fit into it, it really showed off the fact that i do have a stomach, and large thighs and generally a "spare tyre".

Most other clothes in the shops have that gypsy look to them. Which is nice, but i don't like it, and i don't think that look would suit me.

Am i the only person who didn't get why last Sundays episode of the x-files was called "redrum". I was expecting some sort of horse theme...

I went to the gym last night, and the cutey instructor was there again. We had a brief chat (and compared highlighting disasters!) and he might be lending me a thingy (i'm sure there is a technical name for it) for improving grip.

Major hair trauma. I had booked for highlights with my hairdresser, who did it so nicely last year. Unfortunately she was off sick. But i trusted another to do it...i ended up with a full head of blonde hair, which did not suit me. Then she tried to "tone it down", and it went orange. The manager of the salon then put a semi-permanent colour over it all, which at least meant that i could leave the salon without looking like a freak. But it wasn't my natural colour, and i still hated it.

Sunday i dyed it myself with a permanent mid-brown. It went quite a bit darker, but today it seems lighter and more reddish. Which at least i can cope with, but i am hoping that it doesn't fade anymore. The worst part it, i have to stay like this for 6 months.

Believe me, i won't be letting anyone else touch my hair again.

Because i spent so long in the hairdressers on Saturday i missed my baked potato, but i grabbed a rockette and crayfish sarnie from boots to fill me up before i went to La Tasca at Star Ciy with Spice. Quite a nice sandwich.

Sunday i dyed my hair and then leaped off for a body balance class. I couldn't concentrate properly on Thursday (because i was on call), so i took the opportunity to do the class on sunday, since i knew that i would not be able to make it this week.

This meant that i also missed getting a jacket potato! So i caved in and had a BK, but it was ok (my entire meal for the day). And i lost the 3 pounds i put on last week.

I watched bits and bobs of the marathon. Tanni won again, yey! And with Paula too, it proved to be a great day for women in sport.

Yet another friend (well friends) has announced their engagement. I try and be happy for them, but a part of me wonders why it isn't me.

I did well diet wise yesterday, but not so good today. I had canteen pasta for lunch, which the serving woman smoothered in a basil sauce. It wasn't white sauce, but a cream one.

I also went to body balance, despite being on call. I didn't get as much out of it as i normally do, because i was constantly worrying about the phone going off. However, two of the leaders from my old brigade company were there, and it was so nice to meet up with them.

I don't want to go to the gym tonight, but i should and will. I am quite tired, and the thought of going and getting all hot and exhausted does not appeal.

Friday Five!
1. What is your favorite restaurant and why?
The pear tree creperie Mushroom stroganoff galette (with carrot salad), followed by a chocolate crepe. Simple, tasty. Welcomes the whole family. It's been open abotu 10 years, and i reckon that i must have been going to that restaurant for most of those 10! I know that we went when my sister finished her gcses (1995), which says something. I see that they have added salmon to their filling menu, next time i might just try that!


2. What fast food restaurant are you partial to?
Hmmm...i very rarely eat at a burger place, does hot fat jackets count as a fast food restaurant?


3. What are your standards and rules for tipping?
10%. Tipping in England (outside of London) is not really a big deal.


4. Do you usually order an appetizer and/or dessert?
Dessert! I have a sweet tooth...


5. What do you usually order to drink at a restaurant?
Diet Coke, and water.

Which Member of the Endless Are You?

I had hoped that i would be able to lose the 2lbs this week, but at the moment it's looking doubtful if i will lose even 1. Which is sad because i am eating well this week, and working out hard. speaking of which, when i was at the gym i asked Mark (the guy who worked out my programme for me) for some exercises to improve grip. He showed me a couple that i could do.

Damn, i totally cracked on the diet today. I couldn't face another jacket potato, so i had some spag bol. Not overly bad, but i had a flapjacky thing that i bought on the way back from the canteen...and i've ust finished eating a giant cookie that was in the kitchen (someones birthday). I know i shouldn't, but i find myself eating it anyway.

I wasn't going to go to the gym today, but i will now.

I took it, so everything is fine.

So, what did i do over the weekend? I went skiing, and passed my beginners stage 2. I did a little worse than the time before, partly because i now had to use the rope lift. You have to grip REALLY hard, and i just don't have a good grip. Which meant that i could sustain it for a little way, and then i would lose it and would get stranded part way up the slope with skiers ont he lfit behind me careering into me.
How embarassing.
I gained 3lbs (cue huge sobs) and i saw Kate and Leopold. About the only good thing in the film was the delicious Hugh... The film itself was trite, predicatable and...well the only thing going for it was the lucious Hugh.

Apparently i was quoted in the guardian last week. Anyone see it?

In a bit of a panic today. Can't remember if i took my medication last night or not. If i haven't things are going to get pretty bad, because i run out tomorrow and couldn't get another appointment to replace until Friday.

If i did remember, everything is ok. Blast my stupid lack of memory. Blast the fact that when i forget i get so anxious. I don't usually forget (haven't forgotten in years), but the fact that i cannot remember what i did, and i have to wait such a long time. I even bought my gym kit with me so i wouldn't have to go home first, but now i will. So long... 7 horus before i can find out. By then it's too late anyway... Was it last night or Saturday night that i wokr up to check? Or was it Friday. Damn it, i wish my short-term memory was better. I try and recall last nights events, but it all blurs so much. Did i take it before i went to the gym?

I talk to myself, and tell myself that even if i forgot i have a chitty somewhere for an extra couple of packs that the chemist didn't have last time around. The chemist shuts at 6:30, if i leave work at 5 i can easily make that...yes. Now all i have to do is find the slip...again my memory fails me. And i pray that i didn't throw it away. But if i leave at 5, that's only a few hours away.

I am going to se the doctor anyway on Friday, i will ask about what i can do for my memory losses.

Did i throw it away> I cannot remember. Although i have not thrown any rubbish recently... Please be there. Please let me have taken it. ONly 5 more horus to go.

I went to the "core strength and flexibility" class which replaces the body balance, and it wasn't bad. The girl; taking it, and the one who will be certifing in body balance next month was a different girl! she was good, not as experienced, but i think she will do! The class didn't have quite the same flow as body balance, but there were several yoga position and pilates moves that were in it that i knew. The class also had a lot of work on abs, and i feel it today!

Completely stolen from Gen!
nine things you wear daily:
9. a ring made from my Dad's wedding ring
8. small fake gold watch. Looks tacky, but it is a nice size for my little wrist
7. lip glass/balm
6. underwear
5. black!
4. glasses
3. perfume (today it's Beautiful)
2. deodorant
1. a bra

eight movies you'd watch over and over:
8. moulin rouge
7. charade
6. clueless
5. princess bride
4. pride and prejudice (colin firth...)
3. Anne of Green Gables (the newest version)
2. lion the witch and the wardrobe (70's animated)
1. stargate

seven albums that matter:
7. automatic for the people by REM
6. pieces of you by Jewel
5. Our time in eden by 10,000 Maniacs
4. two sides by Mock Turtles
3. LP by The Rembrants
2. Worldes Blysse by Mediaeval Baebes
1. Dreamsville by Stacey Kent (a new one)

six objects you touch every day:
6. my bed
5. my TV
4. my discman
3. my car
2. my fleece
1. my books

five things you do every day:
5. check my e-mail
4. have a bath
3. read
2. listen to music
1. sleep

four bands that you couldn't live without:
4. REM
3. Jewel
2. Nerina Pallot
1. the Baebes

three of your favorite songs at this moment:
3. flowers in the window by travis
2. terra firma (laras mix) by Delerium
1. patience by Neribna Pallot

two people that have influenced your life the most:
2. my dad
1. my mom

one thing you could spend the rest of your life with:
1. a good book

o dear

For the past couple of Thursdays i've been too busy to go to body balance, so this week i'm going. Except it's not body balance, it's core strength, because the girl who is taking over from my favourite instructor hasn't been certified to take the body balance programme yet. It'll be interesting to see what this is like, but i can't wait for the body balance classes to start again.

Well, i am doing good work at the gym, but my weight is just creeping up day by day. At this rate by Friday i will have regained all that i have lost over the last 6 weeks. It's quite a frightening thought. I had hoped to maintain, but at this rate it just looks like i'll be trying not to put on more than 4 pounds (i'm currently 6 pounds heavier than i was last Saturday).

The next in the series has a bit of a cliff hanger ending (apparently) so i am in too minds as to whether to get it or not. I hate waiting! Sabriel doesn't come out in the UK until late this year (my copy is an American edition sent by my sister) which means that the last in the series won't be out until 2004 (at the earliest, and if they sell well)

Oh yeah! i finished final fantasy ix

Lets not even talk about weight...

I had a good workout at the gym last night and as i was leaving i bumped into an old acquaintance who was just having her induction! Now if i could only start meeting cute blokes there, everything would be grand!

I'm still having trouble sleeping, but it's so nice to have the place to myself...

Ok it's late, but it's been Easter so i had both Friday and Monday off work.
Friday five!

1. If you could eat dinner with and "get to know" one famous person (living or dead), who would you choose? Audrey Hepburn. She seemed like a nice person, and i'm a fan of her films.

2. Has the death of a famous person ever had an effect on you? Who was it and how did you feel? I don't think so.


3. If you could BE a famous person for 24 hours, who would you choose? Nicole Kidman. That height and that body? Yes please!


4. Do people ever tell you that you look like someone famous? Who? Nope. I have a rather weird looking face, as a result of having many races in my blood! Someone did tell met hat they had met someone who looked just like me...


5. Have you ever met anyone famous? If i have, i cannot remember. Although there was that time that i nearly shook hands with the Duke of Devonshire...

So...what did i do over my easter holiday? On the hottest day of the year so far i decided to drive to Meadowhall. Why didn't i leave it until rainy Monday? I bought a couple of things and reminisced about the Saturdays i had spent there. I came home and attended a body combat class. Much harder than the one i normally attend, but still good (if a bit shouty).

Saturday i went on a backstage tour of the hippodrome , then i raced back to the gym for a quick workout. And there i bumped into Vicky who i worked with at the last Kompany! She isn't a member, but had come with a friend. What a lovely surprise. I couldn't stay long though, because i had to go and open up a new account with Nationwide.

Then i went home and collapsed before heading out to The Works. It was ok, but Inez had a panic attack (shades of last week, expect for her people rallied around...), so i left and got home around 1am.

Oh yeah, i lost another poun, bringing the total to half a stone. But don't cheer too much. Sunday i ate an easter egg, and Monday i had a whole packet of chocolate (not a bar, one of the large packets) and a pizza...oops. Hopefully i can maintain this week (not a bad idea really). I didn't exercise on Monday, my back was aching. Or rather my lower shoulder. It's still aching today, but i don't feel that i can miss out twice.

Keep those fingers crossed that i maintain!