Ok, so the faery is there. But don't you think it looks very plain?

It's a fortnight until my birthday. Why not buy me stuff from my wishlist? (ha ha!)

The weather seems to have become colder today/last night. It might be time for the hot water bottle again. I hope it doesn't snow, because i am not a cold weather person. The only reason i can see for snow is to ski on!

Oh dear. this photo looks frightening famillar. That year i was in my final year of sixth form, and i was about as indie as they get. I never had a top like that, but i knew people who did (i had tits so it didn't quite work as well). But the Doc's i did have (and i customised them with flowers and other shit). I drank cider, too.

Then i turned 22 and it all went down hill from then on (the baebes, Sarah M, Steps).

Speaking of music, doesn't this sound great? via feeling listless.

Damn, forgot that i meed to ftp up the background image. Still, the layout does need some improvement....

Didn't win at the bloggies.

My school magazine came through in the post. My "what are you up to" entry had my name spelled wrong. Completely wring, in that the last two letters of my surname had morphed into one different one.

Which just about sums things up nicely.

I noted that school wanted money off me, regardless. It's the 450th anniversary of the foundation of the my schools foundation. Make sense? Not the anniversary of my school, for the obvious reason that my school was a girls school. But the anniversary of the first giving of money (from the guild of the holy cross) to form a school. No doubt political, but i guess i cannot complain.

I'm still no closer as to whether i should write to the seperated guy or nor. Your thoughts?

Last night i went to Thinktank at Millennium Point. AKA the Birmingham science museum. I went with SPICE, so i could be completely childish and press and pull on the buttons and levers on the top floor. We then had a special screening of one of the films they show at the IMAX. It was all about space, shot several years ago, but still very interesting. A much better trip than the National Space Centre, even though i am not terribly interested in my City's heritage of engines and industry.

Experimenting with a new layout. Only this page has been changed, the rest of the pages still follow the old one. Let me know what you think!

I had an email today from someone from onesaturday. He sounds nice, but he's separated. I am wary of that. Divorced is different, but separated doesn't sound very final. I'll think on it.

I got around to watching some more of the OU programmes that i videoed two weeks ago. Very interesting, especially one on what exactly is authentic Greek theatre.

Once more i am not happy with the design of this page. Maybe i should go back to blue? But then the girl at the top of this page wouldn't fit in.

I am definately feeling under the weather today. Coughing and sniffling. But i cannot be ill, because next week half the team is on a course. Not me, i never get to go anywhere or train up on anything...i just get the guilt of coming in when sick! I just love it!

Tony Hart interview, sometimes funny, sometimes very interesting.

That was a bit of a blog.

I don't write like a journal anymore, i write like a diary. Probably because i am too afraid to explore, to touch those areas of my spirit which just hurt too much.

I found a long lost friend on friendsreunited. Someone i wonder about. She sounds like she has an ok life, married and working in the same sphere as her dream, if not actually achieving it.

I am seriously thinking about switching to diary-x. My only prob is that the entries are not stored on my server, and in the end i wouldn't need a domain at all. Well, apart from image hosting. But i prefer to keep my entries to me. So what i really need is the journal script. But that means getting a plan with cgi access.

Anyone know a hosting company in the UK who gives this, and is very reliable?

Little car passed it's MOT! Huzzah! But on the way to the snowdome loads of people were flashing me.

I couldn't understand way, and ended up having a panic attack as i tried to find my way to the snowdome. I got out and looked at the car, but couldn't see what was wrong at all. I guessed that a light had gone, but the one that had gone was white and it's counterpart was red.

By the time i got home i was in a real state (if a light had gone i couldn't really drive into work), Mum doesn't know anything abotu cars despite several decades of driving, so she phoned her friend. A friend i have known for a long time, someone that she is either always round her house or is not speaking to. A very weird friendship.

But i managed to enjoy the skiing anyway. I got size 1 boots, and they were very tight around my fat ankles. I thought i would brave it out but after 15 mins i couldn't fell my feet. And i figure that when you stop getting feeling, that's a sign to get them off! So i got size twos, which were a much better fit.

I had already done some skiing on dry slopes, so i can do a little (snowplough), but i thought it would be good to have a lesson especially for snow. It was different. It was easier! Colder too, but i didn't mind that. I had a blast. I felt quite unsteady when touching my head, shoulders and knees and then trying to do a little bunny hop. but snowploughing was easy stuff.

I'm even thinking of going back for a private lesson so that i can go recreationally. And then a skiing holiday...

clearly what follows after that is bankruptcy!

I am tempted to do their "learnt to ski in a day" course. It sounds like a blast. It's 109 pounds, which is quite a bit. so at this rate i might end up doing them all seperately. Which isn't a bad thing.

See what Care Bear you are.

Cool. Even more so if you know that i still have my own Bedtime bear!

Finally got a note to say that the album is on it's way. Great stuff! Since i don't currently own a system with a turntable, i cannot place my vinyl version of the album.

I am off skiing at the snowdome tonight. I think i mentioned that, but cannot recall. If the car passes it's MOT, although i haven't heard anything bad from the repair place so i guess i am good to go. I am also amazed at how calm i have been today. I was quite bad last night, crying and unable to concentrate.

Instead of going to a friends birthday party, i went to my first Burn's Night party. And ate my first bit of Haggis. I had a good time, but certain people who went to the other party had to insist to me that they had a brilliant time, much more fun than the party i attended.

At first i felt annoyed, and then i realised. The constant referring to my (younger) age, the way that everything she does has to be the best, the most fun time, the most men snogged, the loveliest men... she's scared and jealous. I cannot help my age, and it's ok if they had a good time because i had a different kind of good time. The two couldn't be compared.

I have more interests than just parties and trying to snog men who aren't interested in me. I enjoy talking to people who have a very different lifestyle. I enjoy trying new food (haggis, neeps and tatties!), and hearing new things (Burn's poetry).

Yes i had a good night. No, i didn't go around indiscriminately snogging men. But i had good chats and good laughs, and too much mulled wine!

Today my car is in for a service and it's MOT. Which meant that i had a panic attack last night, worrying over it failing. If it fails, i will struggle to find a way to get into work. No i won't. I won't be able to. But then i thought and thought some more. I could rent a car...

I have a courtesy car for the day, it's a KA. I dislike it. It's fine to drive on the motorway when there is no traffic, but when i have to use the pedals it's a different matter. The Fiesta and the KA are essentially the same, but the seat is higher up (meaning i cannot reach the pedals easily) and the back of the chair doesn't come as far forward as the fiesta. In general it is a more tiring car to drive. It's a smoother ride, i'll grant it that, but it just isn't low enough.

Remember i bid in a yahoo auction to win a cd of "the dodgy album". Well i've had no response from the seller. I'll give him another week to respond, but then i'm going to have to give hima bad rating, which is about all i can do. At leas it was only 4 quid.

I am calmer today about the MOT. The bloke who took my details was lovely, i didn't know what to do (having never done it before) and he agreed that it coudl be a bit scary! After all, it's my baby!

Because i left early on Friday i forgot to do the Friday five.

1. what cologne or perfume do you wear? lavender. Tommy Girl. Lulu Bleu.

2. what cologne or perfume do you like best on the opposite sex? Tommy.

3. what one smell can you not stomach? bananas

4. what smell do you like that others might consider weird? i don't think i like any strange smells. My younger sister likes the smell of petrol, which i do find odd!

5. how do you plan to spend your weekend? i spent it shopping, playing FFIX, watching FF and attending a Burns party.

I finally found somewhere that does the mole ring tone. Now all i need to do is figure out how to use nokia composer to get it in!

I also gave in and decided to buy Bride leads the chalet school from GGBP, when i read the books the first time around i always loved the name bride. Despite pronouncing it incorrently. I still cannot say it (Brid, rather than Bride i am told).

I am feeling very tired still, but i seem to have come up out of my christmas low. I feel happier and the panic attacks are fewer. I am calm most of the time. Of course i still have V day to go, but i have plans. Yes it's my birthday, but i am going to go to Lindsay's and help paint her dining room. Not very exciting, but better than crying in my room through loneliness, right? Right!

Congratulations to Philip Pullman. If you look on other parts of my site you'll see that i actually picked out this book as a major influence. It isn't even the best one of the trilogy, i think that accolade goes to the subtle knife. But it's a brilliant book, and totally wasted by simply defining it as a book for children. The eight year olds who read Harry Potter would not like this book. I have often wondered why there is the furore over Harry Potter and witchcraft, but none about Pullman and his "anti-narnia". I would have thought that a work which very clearly questions organised religion, and concept of God and heaven, and the fall, would be more openly disliked by fundamentalists.

I was told about a game on the PSX2 called Ico. It has made me want one even more,.

Leona Naess has had her homepage updated. It doesn't exactly work...But never mind. I listened to her debut cd in the car again. Hardly a duff track on it. Pity her new album isn't released in the UK.

For the first time since i started at my new job i have been on call. Fortunately for me it was MLK day yesterday, so i had no calls at all. So all i did was keep the team mobile phone within earshot until 11pm. I did want to go to sleep at 10, but not tonight...had to keep awake in case i had to put the laptop on and sort something out.

It means a little more money. Not much, but a little extra.

I decided that if i cannot enroll at the OU i will watch some of their programmes on the BBC. So last night i taped a couple of mythology, and one on the Wide Sargasso Sea. These are a part of the introduction to humanities course, a course which i will have to take. This way i can understand what it is they are going ot be asking of me, i can understand if i can really hack it. Even if the same books don't come up when i do it, i'm still more prepared. I shall probably try and keep them if they are of any further interest.

That sounds so dull. But i love learning!

Did i mention that i enjoyed the Sterkarm Handshake? I did, hated the ending, but like so many otehr books it was inevitable.

Enjoyed Tunnel vision, but then i am fascinated by the underground. Even if i don't actually like going on it...

On many of the lists i am on (which cover disparate topics such as DLS, girlsown stories and DWJ) many of the same favourite authors come up again and again (neil gaiman, connie willis...). Why can i not find people off-line who enjoy these things??

By the time i got through the Friday evening traffic, i didn't feel like battling into the City to get to the electric cinema. So i saw neither Princess Mononoke nor My Neighbour Totoro.

I saw The Others for a second time. Michelle gave me a lift to the spice cinema and meal evening, and the only other films i wanted to see just didn't match up timewise. It wasn't bad a second time around. The meal was at La Tasca, and much better than the last time spice went there. They had anticipated how much we would eat this time, and it was delicious. Very flavoursome, with a variety of spices and tastes.

But that was Saturday evening. Saturday morning and afternoon i did the usual thing of going to the library and Sutton. Found out that i had maintained (the scale was hovering down by about .2kg, but it decided to stay the same as i was last week). I'm going to try and do better this week so that i can reallyl lose that pound.

I feel as if i am at the beginning again, instead of part way there. But then i have taken such a long break. I never managed to get up off my arse and go cycling this weekend either. Instead i played FF IX. Nice one Kat, way to socialise. But i enjoyed it, and to me that's what matters. I don't tend to met many people who love to game. I did go out with one, but i found that he was more interested in gaming than me. Now that really isn't good. I can find balance, but when there is none to be had, i am happy enough to game.

And i seriously thought about buying a playstation 2...

Instead i ordered a new pair of glasses, which cost about the same price as a playstation! Not rimless, but quite fetching. I also gave serious thought to contacts. The opticion i saw it the daughter of the couple who run the business. I know them quite well, but have never met her. she seemed nice, but didn't force the issue (since i was buying glasses anyway she'd already got a sale!). Apparently i could get monthly lenses, and they would be soft. so i shall think about this again when the summer comes.

It's time for the Friday five, my adorable readers!

Friday Five


1. What do you have your browser start page set to? At work it's MSN, at home it's yahoo uk.

2. What are your favorite news sites? bbc.

3. Favorite search engine? yahoo uk

4. When did you first get online? 1994, when i started uni. Back ten i didn't even know what the web was. I tried to telnet to an http address!

5. How do you plan to spend your weekend? Not sure. I know that i'm going to Star City and La Tasca for the monthly cinema and meal with spice. That will give me the chance to catch up with Michelle.

But tonight, i am going to make the effort and go and see Princess Mononoke at the electric. That's a new experience for me, i have never been to that cinema before. The area doesn't look like one of the nicer ones, but this may be my only chance to see the film. If i feel comfortable i may go back on Sunday and catch My Neighbour Totoro...

I'm getting stale. This journal is getting stale as a result. I am frustrated. I love my friends, but i find it very difficult to cope when i use words such as "fragmented" and instead of getting a comment on the subject, i get a comment on the words. Apparently "fragmented" is a long word.

It isn't to me. It's a fairly average sized word...

The sites i help maintain at work are all intranets, so i can't show you what i do; the other half of the team work on a site which is available to everyone. Take a look at house, centrica's new effort. I don't work for Centrica, they outsourced the job to my company. I think it's great!

Monday night i got an ad for The Times Literary Supplement in the post. I contemplated taking out a subscription, but decided to have a look on their web site for more information. What did i find? A free trial issue! Great stuff, now i can decide if i want to subscribe or not. I think that it would really be a Good Thing to read, and to expand my awareness of art and culture generally. The few lists that i am on have really broadened my reading (the list on the right on the main page, should reflect this over the year) and now it's time to look further afield.

Unfortunately to see more arty films i really have to look. I still cannot find anywhere that is showing Amelie, and it's a film i really want to see. I can only hope that one of the videostores will be getting it in. Likewise Final Fantasy - the spirits within.

Oh! Princess Mononoke is on at the electric cinema tomorrow at 8:30!! It's on sunday too, but i think i might go tomorrow. There's nothing on telly, and all i would be doing would be playing FFIX...

This chappie is living my life (well, apart from being a bloke). I was only thinking to myself yesterday that i would really like to transfer to a Japanese branch of the company.

Ok wow. The warwick arts centre is going to be showing Princess Mononoke on the 15th and 16th February... guess i know what i am going to be doing on the 15th... it doesn't start until 9 though, which is quite late. Well not late, but it'll mean that i'll have to hang around work for hours. It's a great pity that the MAC isn't up to the same standard.

I'm a fat bird, but i laughed my arse off at this.

I got a little further in FFIX, i am enjoying playing it, although i know i've got a long way to go before i get to where i left off last time.

I wish i could get me a moogle. Or a Cait Sith (yeah, not IX, but very cool).

We have to go on Diversity trainin at work. Mandatory diversity training. All about gender and ethnic profile. What about disability?

And does it cover the fact that as a white woman, i am in fact a minority in my area?!

Man, i bought Ace A's and Killer B's (at an extortionate rate), Dodgy are ace. I found my copy of Free Peace Sweet. Apparently i had bought that on vinyl too, but homegrown (their 2nd album) i bough as a cd. I don't quite follow that logic...

I am beginning to feel very lonely again. And i consider if joining a dating agency would be the answer.

Susan Price's website. I am thoroughly enjoying the Sterkarm Handshake. And now i enjoy it more knowing that she was from the Black Country.

I bought a new playstation game yesterday, but then decided that what i really wanted to do was finish FFIX. I put in the disc and loaded up my last game. I discovered that i had no idea as to where i should be going, and that i couldn't really remember how to battle effectively.

I decided to start all over again. This time i might even pick up the extras, although i still cannot get into the card game. I hope it doesn't turn out to be critical later on.

Looking around for general FF stuff i found this, someone seems to be a bit of an REM fan!

It's a shame that FFX will probably only be available for the PS2. I will probably buy one in the end

One of those weird weekends. I was supposed to go out with a load of spicers to Bobby Browns, and it didn't start off very well. I bumped into Paul in the stairwell of brindley place carpark and we walked to the Aussie bar together. We waited for about 30 mins by ourselves and it looked like no-one else was going to show. Then M came in.

That evening i changed my mind about him. I quite liked his appearance, but our personalities are too different. We later bumped into some people Paul knew from lazer quest, Eve and her friends (who are all gorgeous!), and then later still Lance (who is a sweetie) and a friend of his.

But the club got too crowded for me, and my heart was racing to much, so i had to go home. I think if i had been with some really good mates i would have coped, but surrounded by people i didn't really know it was just too much. Even Paul left 30 mins after i did...

You will marry JAMES BOND (most recently played by Pierce Brosnan) from the James Bond movies, live in many expensive penthouses filled with many girls and many martinis (shaken, not stirred), and spend your days driving explosive foreign cars and spying on villains with big egos and small brains.

What's YOUR M * A * S * H future?

My Blogger code is: B9 d t k s u- f i-- o++ x e l c+

It's been so long...since i thought about Dodgy. The Dodgy album was one of my most played records (and it was an actual vinyl record!) of 92/93. Or was it even earlier?. I think irecently threw away some signed stuff i had by them. Stupid Kat. I know that i had a set list (not signed), and i had a letter from their management. I also had a bottle of Dodgy water. I threw that away because i felt sure that the water would be bad...and it took up room. I still have my dodgy mug though! And t-shirt.

Apparently their first album is no longer available on CD. What a shame. I might look around and see if i can find one on ebay...

I'm supposed to be going out tomorrow night. I really hope it goes off because i'm in need of dancing and general merriment.

I've been trailing the web for lovely wallpaper. I have an offical Jewel one at home which is ok, but not inspiring. I've used webshots, and now i'm going back to find the original pictures. I love looking at peoples web pages and seeing which images they are using as their wallpaper, but they never tell you where they found them!

As a note to myself. Moulin Rouge wallpaper can be found here

I had my palm read (is this a new meme?linked from gen), it's quite accurate.

You have a good imagination, and often exhibit sensitivity to others.

At times, you may tend to be overly sensitive to criticism. You can be excessively cautious or narrow in your outlook unless you receive the right kind of encouragement.

The general flexibility of your character is a useful attribute. At certain times in your life, you may have romantic conflicts and difficulty maintaining friendships. You will overcome these problems after a little introspection.

You are a warm hearted person, with much love to give.

There may be times in your life when you give in to feelings of sadness or depression.

You are likely to make decisions based on intuition or feelings rather than intellect. You do have the capability to detach yourself emotionally and look at situations objectively, but you may not have developed this trait as well as you should.

At certain times in your life, you may have romantic conflicts and difficulty maintaining friendships. These problems are not likely to last long.

There are inconsistencies in your energy level, possibly triggered by external factors or emotional changes.

You have a basically strong constitution, and should enjoy good health most of the time.

You were probably given a good start in life by your parents. This could be based on your general upbringing, or on physical characteristics you inherited.

No matter what other factors influence your personality, there is an under lying sense of practicality that you can draw on if you wish.

LOoking at things objectively is certainly a trait that i should really learn.
Friday five!

1. What was your first job? I used to do some work for my dad. I wasn't allowed a Saturday job, so my first real one was my industrial placement at Greenalls in Warrington.

2. How old were you when you had your first kiss? 17. It was some random guy in Edwards in Birmingham.

It's my Fiesta! An 'r' reg, blue, Fiesta Ghia with Zetec engine. I paid down a couple of thousand, and got the rest on ford credit. Give me another year and i will have paid it off! I'm glad i got a decent car, because i have to do a lot of mileage now.

4. What was your first concert? Dodgy. Probably at Edward's, too. I loved them, then they stopped sending me mail. I thought they had split up, but apparently not! I might just have to buy their album...


5. How do you plan to spend your weekend? Library, shopping and then hopefully to Bobby Browns. Sunday? Probably watch some of the stuff i've videoed over the past week. And i must get out on my bike at some point.

Reading Will Wheaton's site... one of his links lead directly to a porn site, which is a bit worrying since i was at work when i followed it. I'm trying not to panic, but i wish people would either name their porn sites so that you can tell they are porn, or the linkers should make it quite clear what they are going to. I could get into serious trouble.

I doubt it though, because it was a one off (not like i look at porn all day!); the guys in IT support downstairs at work have much more to worry about than one mistake. but you know me...i panic very easily. I'm going to try and forget about it for the moment.

I spoke to S, and he reassured me about some things. I think he was just being typical bloke and making out more hurt than he actually was. After all, he does have a lovely girlfriend now!

Managed to fuck up blogger again. I am so clumsy.

Are you happy with the current state of your life? If not, what things would you want to change? How can you go about making the changes? Must you rely on other people for these changes to be brought about, or are they things that you can accomplish on your own?

Nope, but then that's obvious.

What would i most like to change? my body, and get a house.

How am i making thse changes? I'm trying to stick to the plan again, and i'm going to exercise over the weekend. I've looked at mortgages, and now i'm looking at houses!

So, i am actually doing something. OK, maybe the situation isn't as hopeless. And i'm also not thinking about S. Although if i get into that sad and lonely groove, i will end up thinking that this is how i'm supposed to feel because i turned him down when i didn't trust blokes...