REally quite annoyed and upset. Rawk has told me that his reason fo rnot meetin gup for the gig tomorrow is because it hinks i don;t like his ex! I hardly know his ex! Indeed, i have always felt that it was the other way around. I try and initiate conversations with him via msn and fb - but he never responds.

Trying To Move On

Currently in the Cambridge services eating a cooked breakfast before heading on to stansted airport. There I will meet dan, and then on to Sweden to meet Steve. My head hurts due tiredness and I doubt it will be an early night! But it will be good to see them again.
Still very sad about Rawk and his new life. But I am trying to make some new friends, and carry on. This time, will try not to get too close, as it only leads to sadness for me when they get bored of me. Wish I could sleep now...

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Decision

I have decided not to contact Rawk again. He is better off with his new best friend, and the flat mates that be now sits downstairs with. He days he wasn't unhappy at mine, but that alone is very telling. I will never share again.

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On The Outside Looking In

Very hard to keep positive. See, I was right. Rawk said that everything would be the same, but it's not. No responses to texts, I found parties going on that all mutual friends are invited to, but not me.
One day I will find that close friendship. I must do, I think I have some good qualities.

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Have just found out that Rawk had a party has his new place, and his friends were invited. but not me. Heartbroken.

James And Smallkat Drinking

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Trying To Let Go

Today it kind of feels as if Rawk was just using me. Only seeing me when and where he wants. I have no faith that he will actually go and see OBL in December. We are going to see Ladyhawke next week, but getting no response about meeting up. So much for him saying that everything would be the same, with nights out and meals. They will never happen again. So despite feeling quite gloomy over this, I am trying to make new friends. One reason why i like twitter is that it is giving me the opportunity to converse with likeminded people. People who are politically aware, who like music and film.
Anything so that I can forget about Rawk and his cool new bff. I may not be massively talented, or witty, or gorgously attractive... But I try to be kind, and do what other people want (even if it puts me outside my comfort zone), hell I gave Rawk a lift home even though it is out if my way now. And agreed to meet him in Brindley Place, which I am not keen on. There must be people out there who would me kern not only to hear from me, but would do me the curtesy of replying...

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I was quite surprised. Re-arranged to meet up with Rawk, and he turned up! It was ok, but despite what he says about things being the same... they aren't anymore. I goes on about his new best friend, which fill me with jealousy... and i try my best not to show it. And he goes on about his new place, which he prefers and says things are better... which upsets me. He doesn't speak to me via msn much anymore, and generally doesn't respond to texts. oh oh oh how long for a friend.

We are attending the same gig next week, but no response to whether he wants to meet up beforehand. So i am assuming not. Oh oh oh where is the someone that i can be friendly with. Who likes the things i do. Maybe they don't exisit.

Rawk was supposed to be picking a bookcase up today, but again has changed his mind. We have apparently rescheduled meeting up for Monday, but as he then said about picking up the bookcase on Monday i am confused.

I just want a friend, that i can arrange to meet, and who will actually be there. It feels so hard otherwise.

Was supposed to meet Rawk last night for a drink, but as per usual he cried off last minute. Said he was feeling ill, but i suspect he actually had a better offer.

Oh how, more than ever, i wish i had a close friend. Seems selfish to want a friend just for my own sake, and not to be a good friend to them...but i am so tired of this.

I Shouldn't, But I do

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Confused

Am feeling very confused about things. I have feelings for someone I shouldn't. It was so nice to walk hand in hand with them. And to have them hold my hand when watching a concert. I think it was just the alcohol though. But it was just so nice for once. I am affectionate person ... It is something that I would like so much.

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