I have spent quite a bit of money. I have bought some proper running shoes, and they set me back 70 quid! I'm also thinking about buying my own ice boots, which could easily be 100 quid. My on call payment has come in very handy for this. Ok so i was supposed to be using it to save up for my car service in June/July, but sometimes you just have to shop.

The good thing about skating is that i'm doing it with someone else, i cannot be lazy and just say i won't bother. Unlike running, where i can and i have.

This week we were doing more gliding, turning the feet out and pushing, hands in the safety position. Tried to do fishes which i just cannot do. We learned how to stop this week! Each week i learn, and although i kept saying that it wasn't a confidence problem...well i think it is! Despite the pain in my feet, i do enjoy it.

In the end i sat in the carpark and listened to "quote...unquote", which wasn't so much of trial! My feet hurt so much, i am considering buying me own boots so that i can get a wider fit, but with good ankle support. I did quite well last week, but not so good this week. i was gliding a little, and trying to take one foot of the ground. Only for a microsecond though!. I was also trying to do little glide turns and "sitting". The sitting was actually the easiest and i felt really stable during it! I think i need to go and practice on my own. Not this weekend through because i'll be away, but maybe in the future i'll go on a Saturday or sunday.

My feet hurting is giving me an excuse not to start my training for the race for life. I'm not going to take it though. I'm actually rather busy tonight, and i'm even thinking that i might not be even up to the very easy starting point. I'm wondering if i should try jogging up and down on the spot, as it might be less painful on my knees. Oh roll on the lighter months when when i get home it's light! I guess part of my reticence is the fear of running about in the dark. Weekends will be easier as i can run during the day. There is a small park close to where i live, and i think it might be well light, i may investigate that. It's not that well light on the roads where i live, a lot of the streetlamps don't work, the council don't seem very interested in fixing them.

to try and encourage myself to eat better, i'm thinking about getting a slow cooker.

I went to the supermarket at lunchtime. From tomorrow i'm going to try and eat better,. I bought milk, and from home i'm going to bring in a bowl and cereal. If i eat breakfast at 7:30 i am hungry by 10 and eat crisps. If i eat breakfast at work at 9 - there is a good chance i might not be tempted.

I've achieved my target of 25 quid already. There is an on-line sponsor of 20 pounds, and i have 12 pounds on the normal paper form. I am so blessed. I have to get round now! I start training tomorrow as today i'll be skating in the evening. Sadly Pin is poorly today, so it may just be me. Never mind. There isn't really enough time for me to go home and the head off to cov, as i'll only get maybe 10 mins at home. But if i go straight to cov, i'll have well over an hour to kill! Pity i didn't bring any of my uni work with me, as i could have sat in a cafe or something and worked through it. Oh well.

I've seen a lot of info abuot the avivaa breast cancer weekend, but to take part you have to raise 1.5k in sponsorship. I think that might be a little out of my league right now!

I've decided to do something completely out of character. I'm going to be entering the race for life in Warwick! Now, as regular readers will note, i am very unfit and not at all used to exercise, but something in me has really felt inspired to do this. I have a timer, and i'm going to be downloading the suggested training plan. My goal is to finish it, nothing more. I am not planning for a time, or even to run a certain percentage of it. Just finish, as even this will be a massive achievement for me.

If you would like to sponsor me,
here is a link to my offical race for life page. I know that it will really encourage me, if you could spare even a few pence.

I hope to write in here about how my training is going. This is the year that I am going to go and do new things and push myself. 5km may seem like much, but when you are 7 stone overweight, it is huge.

I'm away this weekend, but next weekend i'm going to make a foray to a running shop to look at getting proper running shoes. With my knee and ankle injuries, i think it's only sensible. Trouble is, being so short i'll need childrens shoes. Do they even do them?

I had the internal interview at work. I'm not sure how it went, or even if i want the job now. If they gave me a pay rise i would have a clearer answer in my mind!

Skating went better this week. I chose tighter skates and no socks. The russian coach told me a couple of times that i had improved. What a difference the skates really made. I was doing a little gliding and trying to do what the called "fishes", bring you feet out and then in, moving along. I find both a little difficult because i am forced to use my very weak left leg. With gliding i can balance and glide with know difficulty on my right, but when i have to switch to the left it's so much harder. The fishes...well with little or no power in my left it was one fish, and then stop! But it is very good for me to do this exercise where i have to use both legs equally. If i could just lose 7 stone, life would be grand.

Not a bad weekend. The tutorial wasn't at all helpful for my TMA. So i still have 500 more words to write. I'm not doing any tonight because i'm off for more torture...i mean skating. I went to planet ice on Saturday. I found that if i squeezed my feet into a size 1 boot with no thick sock, it did help me to stay upright for longer. Hurt though.

I think the simple fact is that because i am so overweight my feet are wider and flatter than ever. I'm, thinking about joining the on-line slimmingworld group. This gives me more flexibility, although it will be weird without other people there for motivation.

I almost wish i hadn't signed up for lessons now, i'm getting tired again and could do with just resting. Next weekend i have nothing on at all, and i'm quite grateful really. This sunday i went to OJ's first birthday. By the end of the evening i was just slumped in a chair, tired out.

I did get through quite a few programmes on my PVR - but i still have something like 6 hours.... Yes a Monday night at home would have been champion.

Two nice things have happened. One i got my first tma back and i got 85! I was very shocked, as i thought it was rubbish. I've decided to wait until the tutorial before finishing off tma2. I have just over 500 words to write, and nearly two weeks to do it in after my tutorial, so its not really a problem.

The second nice thing was that this morning, i parked off-site (lets not go into that again), and one of the guys from work spotted me walking in and gave me a lift the rest of the way. What a gentleman!

I don't mind the walk in so much, but it's the walk back that bothers me. Its getting dark when i finish work, and in the last two weeks two women have been assaulted (one sexually) at the off-site car park, and as you probably read in the papers an 11 year old was raped at the Sainburys in Leamington. The police were saying that there is no connection between the two attacks at the carpark, and the one in sainsburys so there are possibly two attackers on the lose in a small area. I've got a panic alarm, but it's rather unsettling.

One of the guys at work put out a note saying that the blokes shoudl really think about giving preference to women to park onsite whilst the days are still relatively short. There are good people out there still.

Thanks Steve. I'm hoping those nasty pop-ups have gone now. I think i'm also going to go back and have a play with skates and socks on Saturday after my tutorial. I swear though, last time i went i could stand up ok, and move around slowly. I realise that I am good deal overweight now, so maybe thats it.

Why has my website suddenly got pop-ups?

Well, just between you and me friends I have my first internal interview lined up. It's for a completely different job, no techy work at all. The pay scheme is also completely different - ie lower, but stuff it. I have to try, right? As my confidence is completely shot at the moment, i am very nervous.

On a positive note, it's now been a whole wee without chocolate. This is a major achievement for me.

Finally the end of another bad day. I work with people in India, and one of them really tries to provoke me and today was one of those days. It really and truly upsets me, as i try my hardst to get on. She complaint because i had picked up one of "her" tasks. She said on our morning call that she was going to do it, but on our task system later that day it was assigned to no-one. So i picked it up and did it. Last i was trying to do several things at once, and was working my way up the emails in our inbox. She complained because i hadn't moved one directly after I had dealt with it. As I had updated our information about it, and was currently dealing was an outage, i simply hadn't reached that email yet. She complained to my boss.

As is the usual way, i'll probably get hauled into my line managers office and told it's my fault. I mean, what is so wrong with picked up tasks which are not assigned to anyone? Ok, so i could have moved the mail quicker, but i did the urgent update, and was working on an outage and was only two mails away.

I cannot win.

It wasn't quite as positive an experience as i had anticipated. I could hard stay upright on the skates on the land, never mind on ice. I would move and my boot would roll inwards. I was really hoping i would be able to move very slowly around the rink we no arms, but i was clutching onto the barrier for dear life legs getting further and further apart into the splits. Pin, who went with me, was so much better.

Any tips for improving? I may go for a public session Saturday evening to try some larger skates (the ones i had were very tight, which may not have helped), and with and without thick socks. Also to practice, but be able to rest in between.

I'm not very fit, well not fit at all, so i guess that wouldn't help.

I really need a massive confidence boost and some serious cheering up.

I've rather been letting my tma slide. I'm a little over halfway through it though, and still not had the tma on it yet. I'm not overly worried really. It's kind of nice, whilst i'm so down, to not be stressed over this too.

A more positive weekend. I really enjoyed the dancing on ice final. I knew Gaynor was going to win, i think i should have put money on it! Her partner Dan was so lovely...

My carsharing troubles continue. The guy who refuses to carshare with me has to come in late on Friday. Therefore i have to park off-site. I feel that this is unfair, as it is not my fault that he won't car share. Apparently this is a perfectly acceptable way to act, but seems very unfair to me. He even started sending me quite bullying msn's, so of course i HAVE to try and work out a compromise.

Or rather, i have to park off-site, or i get removed from the group completely. Seems so unfair to me. I try so hard to be a nice person, but it just seems like bullying and selfishness win the day.

Think positive, Kat. Skating tonight, and good company! Life is not all bad and meanness.

I had quite a bad evening yesterday. I am struggling very hard not to slip into depression, and sometimes i feel so strong and that i am winning. Other times, like last night, nothing seems worth it anymore.

I'm hoping the iceskating will help. Exercise and a new skill. It could be a big confidence boost, which is exactly what i need.

I remember last year i started off a journal to remind myself of all the good things. I think i did one page and then stopped. I think i need to restart it.

I've decided to give up chocolate for lent. Something it very hard for me. I was going to give up crisps too, but i've decided that if i go for crisps i'm going to pick the "better" choice.

So far no chocolate....