I've also been having chats with James, and i've decided that i'm going to find and alpha course (because i don't do enough, ha ha).

I've also decided that i really need to take much betetr care of myself, i look a wreck and am in need of a break. I want to do some pampering things this weekend, but am a little bit limited because my car needs to go in, to have the lock looked at. It'll probably cost a bomb, but a car that can't be locked? Not a good idea!

I also want to buy some new moisturiser, my face is quite stressed and sore...it (and i!) need soothing.

I had an ok day yesterday, my vendors went into sign (which means i'm one step closer to exchanging), but i got home to find a nasty letter from the solicitors about that car accident i had way back in July. I was hysterical, but spoke to direct line who said that i shouldn't worry and that tomorrow (todya) they would sort it. And i had a phone call today to say that it was sorted. Thank goodness.

Life is getting far to stressfull.

But at least something good came of it. I asked for help from God, and he gave it to me.

And direct line are completely fab, highly recommended by me.

i have now until the 14th to exchange before the previous medical becomes invalid. Please send your prayers and good thoughts so that it can be done by then....if not, it's over. Oh the delights of being ill and getting help, and then being punished for that!

i was going to post some happy news - my vendors are due to sing on Thursday. But as is usual with me, i came home to some bad news. My medical report for the mortgage protection has now expired and i have to resubmit. Because i am ill, this can take weeks. It really does look as if my dream is finally over, because i am not comfortable buying a house without it. I work in IT and it's a necessity.

Please, why does this keep happening to me?

Friday night i went to the singles night at the art gallery. I enjoyed catching up with some of the people who went ont he Prague trip, but i didn't meet Mr Right, or even Mr Wrong. I will defianately go back and take a look at the Minoans exhibition though.

Saturday i went with my mum and my sister to the festive gift fair at the NEC. I didn't buy anything this time, but mum bought me a shopaholic necklace - very appropriate for me!

Saturday night was the birthday bash part one, for some of my spice friends. I gave one a lift, which worked out well since she could navigate and i could drive (the bash was in Wolves, which i don't know at all). I enjoyed it up to a point. A point where some bloke i ddin't know out his arm around me when iw as looking in a different direction. It completed frightened me and i had a panic attack, which i controlled for a bit, but by them i was so shaken that i just wanted to go home. But, i was too frightened to walk out alone. Very kindly one of my friends (the boyfriend of one of the birthday people) walked me to my car, i felt bad because he had to queue to get back in again, but i also felt so grateful. I am lucky to have good friends.

Sunday i was back to doing my three classes at the gym, then onto The Fort for some unsuccessful coat buying and then home to play Herdy Gerdy.

Monday, well that's today, i was back at the doctors. Talking about my fears, i dislike talking and thinking about them, but they were so clear in my mind after Saturday night...i know that the reality wasn't bad, but my imagination makes things seem worse...

I am really feeling quite blue. no house, and i went clothes shopping last night. No trousers fitted properly, and i felt so fat and uncomfortable. I spotted a few long coats that i liked, but i was wearing grey, purple and black so the coats looked horrible when i put them on. Generally a bad day.

Things are still not looking good on teh house front. I keep being told..next week...still. But still nothing. I was told to push my solicitor to push the other ones along to exchange, and mine basically said that nothing was ready.

I am almost in tears because i now HAVE to move.

I have been so unbelievably busy at work, and been on call so much...but i'm back and less tired. I also made the decision to join the OU and do a level 1 course. I figure that even if i don't get all the way to doing a degree, this course will help me with critical thinking and analysis....which would be useful skills to learn and improve regardless. I should hopefully get my registration form next week, in which i need to fill in some more details. But i think i'll do this. Yes i'm taking on a lot, but i need something more to tax more brain.

I could also do with some prayers/postive thougths abotu the house. Once again, things are going wrong...

have been so busy at work, that i simply haven't had time to write. So, what to tell? I'm tired because i'm all call all the time due to Ramadan. Which is ok, but when work then makes me feel bad because i don't want to work Sundays...well it's grates somewhat.

I had another date last night, but whilst the guy was nice there was no passion...