Sometimes i am glad though that i keep this. I was just looking at updating some links and i had forgotten about the woman who came to give me dad a get well card after he died.

I've also removed the referenced to old boyfriends. It's time to move on!

I've been looking at my nedstats, it's so weird how people come here. Someone found this site by searching on pox...

Now all i have to do is redo the very front page. I've been meaning to do it for about 2 years...I mean, i haven't heard anything from Lou Dalgliesh in nearly 2 years, do i really want a page about her anymore?

I've been trying to update my stone blog, but it simply will not accept the new account username - despite me c'n'ping it from this blog. Oh well.

A very, very kind reader bought me a book from my amazon wishlist. As the email that came with the book is a rather general one I cannot thank him personally. So Richard, thank you ever so much. It was a big surprise, and certainly brightened up a rather gloomy evening last night.

As i have always said, my readers are THE BEST!

I did a little more on my tma - only about 1000 words to go. So it is possible that this could be done in two weeks, which gives me at least a week to rewrite and revise.

Anyway, in Richard's note he said that i never fail to touch him. What a kind thought. Sometimes i'm aware of how sad and pathetic this can be. It is not an entirely accurate depiction of me, although all the facts are true.

Dave Baker said that he admired the way I never gave up. I've been close to that point several times, I guess i can now recognise and get whatever help i need. And generally, if ther is something that troubles me, i try to be proactive and do something about it. Tired of being single? I join a dating agency and go speed-dating. It hasn't proved fruitful, but at least I'm trying.

But sometimes it does all get a bit much. The envy that I feel for people whom i percieve to have an ideal life...

Well i wrote more than my 100 last night, so i have 1260 words to go. If i do another 100 tonight, and then a few hundred over the weekend, i should be well on my way. I also did a little more chanting last night and i think i finally have my first and second declension's down. So tonight, after i've donw my 100 words, i will do some vocab. Get the basics down first.

This is where i went wrong at school. I never really learned the noun basics (i remember a lot of the verb basics) which then meant i had a hard time figuring out which noun went with which verb. Spoken latin must have been very difficult.

Cast Away was ok, but i've seen better.

I enjoy writing about Rome, but i just know i'm going to struggle with the rest. But sitll, some of them will use Roman stuff, so i can blend them in. Heavy on the Roman, light on the mediaval.

I also have to fix mum's cd writer. Or i could tell her to take it to PCworld...i may try tonight. Go and have a quick dinner at my house, then attempt to fix the pooter, then bath then study.

Did you know it took over a year for me to get Lirael?I'm glad i waited, it's an excellent book, pity i have to wait for abhorsen now! It's a pity though the the coverart is different to my US copy of Sabriel. I like both, but i like to have them match!

New Years Day, i should be cycling in Lichfield with the Atkin family. Trouble is, i think my tyres are flat and my bike is too big to put in my car...and i dismantled the bike carrier. I would cycle over to their house (i've done it before) but with flat tyres that's a bit difficult. The nearest train station is the one by their house, and i don't think bikes are allowed on buses. I'll have to think a bit more.

I'm planning on having a birthday party this year. Trouble is my birthday (and thus Valentines day is Saturday). Since most of my friends are married, i would expect that no-one will come. But i guess, if i send out the invites early enough...

New Years Resolutions. I think i'm going to make a pact with myself to go on a speedating event every other month. One a month is probably too many given my OU commitments.

I will also go to the Gym. I won't say more, as i haven't really gone for the last month.

I moved a few things around in my living room, and i know have my small two seater sofa by the tv and the one seater by where the door to the dining room should be. This means that they can all now face inwards. if i had friends it would be a great place to chat.

I started work on tma02 - first 70 words are done. If i do 50 words a day, i should finish it just in time to hand it in! I'm also mixing in some Latin vocab learning when i get bored. I am on section 1B of my Latin, but haven't learnt the vocab for the previous sections. I am determined this time that i will learn both that and the grammar properly. The present tense for the 1st form came back very quickly. Hopefully i will get together with Mel for some chanting sessions...amo ams amat...

The second part of At272 is not quite so interesting to me, which is probably why I put off doing the TMA. Oh well, that's what evenings are for. I'll probably do some more tonight. "Castaway" is on, which seems like a good film to try and write 100 words too.

It's no use pretending i had a happy Christmas because i'm still here in tears. It's Dad's birthday today, and all i can think about is Dad hitting Mum. Not that i was there at the time, it's one of things mum told me about that happened due to his illness. All i can think of it what an unhappy family we are. We went to Chicago at the Alex last night, and mum cried. Lucy held her hand.

I made her cry. She said in her child-voice, is that a new handbag? It wasn't new, it's a good six months old. And that made her cry. Lucy can comfort her. I can't.

I feel as if i have no love in my heart at all. All i remember is stories about Dad hitting her, and her hitting back. The arguments, and mum not speaking to me. The tears i shed, and the shouts that i was a mouse not a man.

The guilt i feel at not being able to help mum because she is sad, and because i cannot love.

The loniness and the jealousy i feel towards Lindsay for having a husband and two parents. It's odd, but her mum invited me to come around to her house any time i want. Maybe she sees in me the need i have for some sort of stable family, instead of one where a don't even know my cousins, and my mum never made my friends welcome.

Which sounds like i'm blaming her. But i know that it's I who cannot love.

I just want to stop the imagined images of Dad hitting mum from running through my head...

What do i do to stop them?

Marc Silk rocks my world!

Got 77 for my first TMA for AT272 - i've completed read the course now, and "just" need to write TMA02. It's not due until the 30th Jan, so I have a long time.

I've started going through A297 - Latin, not much is coming back unfortunately! But there seems to be a nice bunch of people doing it, so i'm hoping that it will.

Ah - figured it out.

OK - why isn't publishing ok?

I passed A103! All that hard work was truly worth it. I'm not sure what score i got, but i think it was well up there with the rest of my marks. I am so please I am walking around with a silly grin on my face!

Which makes a change as I have been feeling rather low these past few weeks. Quite lonely and tired and sad.

But a few little things have made a difference. Last Saturday, after waiting for hours and hours for my fridge freezer, i was nearly in tears for feeling so blue...and then i got a call from a lad who is interested in reforming the Sutton Coldfield OUSA branch and that just made it all worth it!

Went to an executive commitee meeting of OUSA as an observer. I may stand to be a member of the committee in 2005...

I'm slowing getting through my TMA, and have finally finished painting my kitchen. At least, the bits i can paint. The rest needs to be stripped...

I treated myself to a digital receiver! It's not a top of the line model, just a ferguson (but with two scart sockets though) but it's great to be able to watch QVC! I also watched part of a programme on BBc4 called "mind games" lateral puzzles and the like which was very enjoyable to watch. I also get UKHistory which has some interesting programmes on and a couple of music channels.

So what else? Steve is coming to visit, I've got more information about my role as Treasurer for the OU WM region. I've finally typed up part one of my tma (the shortest part) now the hard work comes.

I've gone to the gym, not done much on my house

Hasn't it been a long time. Well, i went speed dating last week. It was very scary at first, and i now have several stories about things men should not say to women! But i did meet some very nice men, some who could be good friends and one that i liked a great deal.

One problem - he's not a Christian.

Anyone have any thoughts on SQL Server 2000 Administrator's Companion? I'm thinking about getting it for work.

I did my required 50 words last night, and a bit more. I think i need to rewrite it though, and make it sound better. I'm planning on going to the gym tonight, but i think i can fit in a rewrite. It would be good to get this out the way.

Actually i probably shouldn't go to the gym, i feel as if i am coming down with a cold. I will probably not push it so hard today, and lighten some of my weights a little, and maybe do 8 minutes instead of 10 on the crosstrainer.

Or not. I'm sneezing more and more. Oh dear. Pity Balance was last night, because that would have been just the thing. Plenty of stretching.

Mind you it might be better to go tonight before i feel even worse!

What a busy weekend, and what a busy day.

Friday night, i went out with some of my co-workers for a pizza. The food was good, and we spent a lot of time bitching about certain team leaders. Not very good for me, but it's nice to knwo that i'm not the only person who feels a certain way.

Saturday i went to the gym and officially joined. Although i'm not one for gym going, i am enjoying my plan and although i didn't notice weight-loss results, my knee is so much more pain-free. And that is even more important.

I have also studied hard, and am half way through part one of my first tma. only another 900 words to go! But it isn't due until December, so i'm taking it easy. I don't want to read much more because the next chapter is used for the next tma! so i'm going to 50 words a night, or every other night and aim to get this done in a couple of weeks.

Marcus and Lindsay came around on sunday night. He sat and watched Lady and the Tramp and kept saying "My Tramp" and took the DVD home with him! Cheeky boy! Not that i mind, it's probably a bit old for him, but he enjoyed watching the dogs and listening to the music.

Lindsay borrowed The Importance of Being Earnest, which i love. I hope she enjoys it too. She is impatient to get her degree. All she wants to do is teach, and i know that she could do it now. But she needs a degree to get onto her PGCE course, and that's that!

I got all my dates mixed up. I thought i had a session with Katy at the gym tomorrow, but it's actually this evening! Fortunately it's at 7:30pm, so I have time to travel home and pick up my gym stuff.

I had a good go at AT272 last night, and had planned to finish off week 2 tonight, but there is little chance of that now! Still, hopefully after my gym session, and can go and tidy up my AT272 papers and CD's, so that when i pick it up tomorrow it's as easy as anything.

13th

Even if i don't lose weight, one benefit of going to the gym is that my knee is hurting a lot less. This is such good news. I am now able to walk up stairs without gritting my teeth! Slow and steady has been the key. Plus my trainer (with whom i have just two session left) didn't think i was just making it up - i know that difference between a muscle burning because you are using it a lot, and a muscle hurting constantly!- and adapted my programme accordingly. I've even been able to increase the amount of weight i use on the quad machine (which made me knee ache), so i am pleased.

I planted two tubs of croci and allium, and three indoor pots with croci and one hyacinth. I also put some croci and allium in the borders on both my front and back gardens. Let's hope that in Feb and then in June i get a good display.

My nice ski jacket has gone missing grrrr.

My course books for At272 arrived yesterday. They are not as nicely laid out as A103, but i shall get into them this weekend and make a start on the first three weeks. It will be odd doing everything over the net, but it also means that i can stay at home and be nice and warm, instead of heading out in the winter weather.

I have to eat more protein in the evening, instead of carbs. This will be quite hard for me, as i love a nice bowl of pasta. Tonight i will go and play a little divine divinty and eat a chickpea dhal.

Still having money troubles. I seem to spend far more than I earn. I think i'm going to have to go back to logging everything again. It's not even as if I have much to show for it!

A job for Friday night i think. I have around 800 pounds for the rest of this month. this has to include money for mortgage etc..however di I end up in this state? I did ok until about 4 months ago, and then it all seemed to go pear-shaped. I should be able to cut down on my grocery bill, since i am now buying pasta and veggies instead of ready meals.

My biggest expense is petrol, and i can't cut down on that. I'm not going to buy any books or magazines, and i'm not planning on going out the rest of this month (well Gym, but that's paid for).

I don't buy canned drinks at work anymore, nor do i buy chocolate. I buy a meal less than 2 pounds for lunch. Today i went to sainsburys and had one of their small (they call them medium) salad bowls (1.50) and a tracker bar (far too nutty for me, won't get again) which was 45p. I also stocked up on 40p noodles and some instant soups (it's so cold at work, and the soup in the machines are dreadful).

I'm also going to go and visit my grandparents this weekend. I might get them a new phone with big numbers on it, so it is really easy to use. Maybe even one with number store so that they don't have to try typing in my mobile number.

I haven't written for a while. So much has gone on. We are very busy at work. We tried to, or rather, we were asked to do three weeks work in three days. Unsurprisingly it failed.

Then my grandparents had an aggravated burglary. Physically, my grandad just has some bruises, but my grandma is very shaken and upset by the experience. I'm trying to get my grandad to buy a mobile phone for emergencies now. The burglars ripped out the phone so that they couldn't call the police. Terribly wicked and cruel. I have faith that they will, one day, receive their due punishment.

I went to a spinning class at the gym last night. I can't say that i enjoyed it. I could hardly hear the instructors, and my backside really hurts today. I think i may try and make kick aerobics though, next week.

I really fancy a chili and cheese jacket potato. Had to make do with a baked bean and cheese one.

Lindsay, Darren and Marcus came around on Saturday night for a brief visit. The admired my kitchen and marcus decided to help me paint. Fortunaly he only got it on the walls and not the units! although he did get some on the floor which he then trod in and ran over my red living room carpet. Queue me racing after marcus! Fortunately all his little shoe prints wiped out. Cheeky Monkey, although he was only trying to help me.

Oh, i am still using my Palm. It's great. Has everything i need on it, and so useful. Palm has just released TE, which looks good, but doesn't use Palm's universal connector, so my cradle wouldn't work (which i use a lot at home, as i don't need to move around with it) with it, nor would by travel synch and charger (useful for work, and if i'm away from home). Pity...or not. Mind you, it synchs better with outlook which i use for work.

I think i left my Palm at home today (at least i hope so) and i feel rather lost. I know it was in my Holmes Place black bag, but i thought i had left it overnight in my car. Clearly not. Which means I have to go hunting for it tonight. What a pain.

Alan is going to fit my final cupboard on Saturday morning, then i have to go and drop my car off to be serviced. What a busy day. I could have done with a lie in, but there you go. And i'm off to Leicester on Sunday to visit the grandparents...

I better leave on time today. I forgot my student ID card, so i'm going to have to travel home and then set straight back off to Coventry. Very annoying. But i didn't get back to mum's until 9:45 last night so it's not very surprising that I forgot. Should have put it in my palm. I think I can make it though. If i leave promptly at 5:30, i should have been home, picked up my things and by on my way for 6:30, leaving a good hour to get there, park and pick up tickets. I am looking forward to a night at the theatre. I love going, and work and OU and now gym rather takes over.

I'm hoping that it won't be another late night.

I think i need another purse for all my cards...

Oh, i did make it to the gym last night, had a 30 minute workout (better than none)

Well my junior team lead is still speaking to my with his back turned...pity we no longer have an HR person here because i'm not sure now how to broach the subject.

I'm supposed to be working with another team soon, maybe it'll be better. I won't be pushed out.

Dear God,


So far today I've done all right.

I haven't gossiped,

I haven't lost my temper,

I haven't criticised or moaned.

I haven't been snappy, grumpy or nasty,

selfish or over indulgent.

I'm very thankful for that.

But in a few minutes, Lord,

I'm going to get out of bed,

and from then on I'm probably going to need a lot more help.

Amen

I just booked myself tickets to see the RSC's production of All the great books at the warwick arts centre.

Working late tonight. Was going to hit the gym, but it's 6:30 now.

I wrote TMA09 on Saturday. I didn't sleep well, worrying about it

(exams next year..oh dear) so got on at 7:30 am and just went for it.

I'm not sure how good it is, but it's written. I also went to the gym

on both Saturday and Sunday.

Work sucks. my junior team lead hardly speaks to me, when he does

it's to my back. I know that I want to work with animals, and to work

for the RSPCA as an inspector i need to be fit. So this is more of a

long term goal.

I cannot wait for my next OU course, it sounds so interesting. I

should have the stuff by Friday, so i basically have a week off. Which

won't be wasted as I have plenty of tidying and sorting to do. And

floor tiles to choose.

I watched SATC on Friday and it really rang home. I have my own home

now and the only present i got was a two pound cutlery holder. Over the

years I have bought engagement, wedding, house warming and new baby

presents. For the single girl there is nothing. I don't begrudge

spending the money, but just once i wish...

I can't find my latin dictionary and it's annoying me no end.

It's beginning to get colder. I have my cardigan on for the first

time in ages, and my fingers are feeling a little stiff with cold.

i've also been thinking about my paper journal, which is now little

more than a scrapbook...and even this on-line version has much less of

me.

I suppose i'm more balanced at the moment, no ups and downs which

makes more interesting writing and reading!

I'm going through a lot of magazines at the moment, clipping out the

pictures are articles i want to keep and recycling the rest. More room

for my OU stuff...

I really need to finish my bedroom off, but i'm so stuck on the

wardrobe, maybe when i hire someone to put up the lining paper i should

get them to strip that too? I really need to get a good, free project planner on my PDA...

Ok - so I've been for a couple of times to the gym, it's actually good having someone to chat to and keep you motivated. I'm almost considering getting one once a month when this programme is through. I haven't been to any classes yet, i don't have the confidence, but hopefully again when these two months are up I will feel fit enough to start joining in.

So far every time i have been to Holmes Place it has been quiet. Thursday evening and Sunday afternoon. No queuing for machines, and no hordes of scary blokes.

I've started painting my kitchen again, and hopefully Saturday or Sunday will make a concerted effort to look for tiles. Then i need to rope Darren in to help me do my floor. He did a fab job on his and Lindsay's.

Time to catch up. I have nearly finished TMA08, i'm hoping to type it up tomorrow morning as I wait for my kitchen. I also decided to join Holmes place. They are doing a special inchloss programme, slightly more expensive than the regualr gym membership, but i get some PT sessions for two months. I need to get going again and i think that going to a different gym will give me the push i need. New gym, new start. I also need to stop spending money, so using my time at the gym is going to help there too (plus i will be able to fit into all those clothes that are currently too small).

A new kitchen should encourage me to actually cook, and eat better. Is 2003 the start of a new me?

From the 8th:
What a busy weekend. I wrote almost all of tma08, i just have religion to finish off and then tidy everything up. soem of that was a result of the day school. Aston has a nice campus, although the buildings are a little dated. Sadly because it was out of term time a lot of building work was going on inside the main building, and it was a nightmare to find the rooms were the lectures were held. But i did and certainly learned a lot from the art history and history of science lectures.

I then decided to go to Bullring (whatever happened to the the??). It is now a very light and airy place, but huge. I got lost in Selfridges trying to find the lifts! It's also rather expensive to drive to (i paid 5 pounds for the car park), i may get the bus next time.

Sunday i raced around again, buying vouchers for my sister, weeding and trying to finish off music in tma08.

i'm exhausted. but despite that i'm contemplated joining Holmes Place.

I didn't write my 250 words, but i did do 200, so that was good. I'm rather stuck now, so i'm going to go back onto music again. This day school had better be enlightening!

My car died on the way into work. Or rather, plumes of smoke were eminating from the engine. Apparently I have a water leak, and i'm just awating a call from the garage to say that it has been fixed.

Which i just got. Of course i can think of better ways of spending 100 quid (not least paying the bloke who is going to fit my kitchen)

Today:
I managed nearly 250 words last night, so I am pleased. I decided to leave religion and music and go straight onto Art. I'm hoping to finish it off tonight, but since I am ahead by one day, i'm not going to worry if i don't. I should probably start thinking about getting some of it typed up, making it easier to read. And easier to proofread.

I didn't get much inspiration from smartgroups, which leads me to think that i have misunderstood the question slightly. I also need to put in more evidence, but that's easier when the text is all written.

Yesterday:

I didn't really do my 100 words last night, probably closer to 60, and i feel more muddled than ever. Oh well. I'll have a good look through smartgroups this evening before i sit down to write, and see if i can get some further ideas!

Ok - OU stuff out of the way first. I made a bit of a start on my TMA. I feel a bit lost really, and certainly didn't write as much as i had hoped. But i have stuck to my guns about 100 words a day and now have 400 words written, a fifth done. Hopefully after the day school next Saturday i should feel more inspired. I also have a tutorial tonight, which i am hoping will sort a few things out in my mind, which is even more useful than my 100 words a day rule. I'm cutting it a bit close this time, but i hope that i will actually write more than 100 words, I have so far.

I rejoined Blockbuster this weekend. I wasn't very impressed by their customer service, but they do let you have things for two days...still i think i will continue to patrionise the video shop near mums house. Excellent customer service, and they let me browse for AGES!

We have a team meeting today, i'm expecting bad news. I hope it sin't, as I have to pay for my kitchen. Everything else should be covered by redundancy insurance...

i'm rather excited about my new kitchen. I've even picked out a colour for it. I wanted a bluey grey, but most of the colours i found were either too grey or too blue. I found one called platinum which looked just right, but in fact came out more blue on the wall. But as it happens it looks really good. I think it looks a little cold, but with the wood from the kitchen. i think it will look great. Plus i will end up putting pictures on the wall, so a lighter colour is definately better. And the blue goes well with silver, giving a fresh, clean look. I'm hoping to get some silver into every room, so that there is some sense of continuity, but in a subtle way. I'm also sticking to lighter tones of colours to again give a very fresh, clean feel.

Of course, i'm now really poor, my cheque for my shares hasn't come through yet.

I feel I should have an official opening for my new kitchen...

OU work (yes it's rather boring journal-wise, but it's what i'm going). I've finished the unit on art. I don't like Rothko's work
anymore than i did, i just don't see that he sees. I might try and squeeze in a trip to the Tate Modern to see his paintings, but my first free Saturday is in a months time!

I just have music to finish off (i'm onto early music revival now, which i am enjoying), then a quick flick through block 7 before i make a start on the tma. I hope to get that started this weekend so that I am well underway before Monday's tutorial, but not so far that I have the wrong end of the stick it won't be too much waste.

I'm also getting back into Stoning again. I had forgotten how much i missed the community. People who are into the same things as me, and don't find anything weird about spending a year tryign to solve something!

So more on the Gathering. I set off around 10:30 and made excellent time. I got to Teddington after only one wrong turning at about 12:40. I spotted a few people with Stone around their necks and met Portia (who i "knew") and Kinky Boots and Gid (who i did not know).

We enjoyed the sun outside for a bit. Then we went inside were i had a rather large glass of wine which was not a good idea on an empty stomach. I mingled and met so many people.

Then we had some nibbles which were rather nouvelle cuisine! I then got dragged off for my interview which didn't go very well since the wine had gone straight to my head and lowered my iq by about 100 points. oops.

Then we got split into teams and had six puzzles to solve, my team was very close to winning, but was narrowly beaten to it. But i enjoyed pitting my wits against these people!

Then i headed off to my hotel to dump stuff and get changed. It took a lot longer to get to the hotel than i had anticipated, but fortunately I found some other waifs and strays there so I ended up having a curry with them. such delightful company. Then everyone went back to Holiday Inn Heathrow where the bar shut ridculously early, but a good time was had (by me anyway).

In the morning i left early as i wanted to have a look around bicester (although i didn't buy anything) and got home just before 1pm.

I had a great gathering. I met friends old and new, helped solved some tricky puzzles (one of which i still don't really understand) and got renewed interest in the stone and also my interdisciplinary studies with the OU. I'll write something fuller later!

The music section is certainly a lot more fun, I've watched the tv prog for it and am making good progress through it, and thinking about what I can write for my TMA. I hope to do more tonight, although I don't think I will finish it. I do hope to have the whole block finished by the end of the bank holiday, which gives me a lot of time to make a good start on my TMA.

And i should start going to the gym again, I have become so big lately, but it'll wait until i return on sunday. Maybe there is a class i can go to during the day on Monday?

I've been struggling through the block on the sixties. The science section was very hard going. I'm onto music, which hopefully will be easier. I want to get a good way through it before stonefest 2003 (this Saturday!) so that I can start my TMA early. I have so much planned for weekends over the next few weeks that I don't want to rely on them. And I know that I can easily write a few hundred words a night, so the sooner i start the better. I enjoy music and art, so i'm hoping that they are much easier to take in. A couple of hours study tonight should put me well on the way.

I'm a bit scared about attending stonefest, since i won't know anyone, but it's good for me to get out and about. And a change will definately do me some good.

I bought a Kitchen, and now I am feeling rather poor. I can afford it, that is true, and have sold some of my shares to pay for it (hope the cheque arrives soon), but it is still a lot of money. But there you go, it needed to be done, and is a good investment for the house (the current kitchen is shocking). But, oh how I would like a widescreen telly.

Maybe for Christmas...

It's been a while since i have written. During that time i've been to summer school, got 73 percent on tma07 (Pleased with that, it means my average is a good pass 2) bought a pda, spent way too much money.

Just those usual humdrum things that make up life.

I didn't get home til late last night after the OUSA WM management meeting (which went well, although it was held in very nosy pub so i couldn't hear a lot of things), i was glad that i had got so far ahead with tma07 since it gave me a day off to just go to bed!

Today i hope to finish off the section on Medea (and perhaps the part of the conclusion which relates to it), pack a little more, and programme my video!

From the 22nd
I didn't write yesterday because I was rather annoyed at having a bad shopping day on Sunday. I bought MGS2 and a palm515. I got home only to open the box for MGS2 and it was completely empty. I then opened the box for my palm and it also did not have the cd in it.

ARGH! I asked if i could leave work early on Monday and was granted this request.

I first of all went to Game in Sutton where i was straight in and out with the cd's that i needed. Result!

Then onto Comet. They wer very slow at comet, but i was wearing comfy shoes and going nowhere. I may have bought and ex-displayed model (for twenty quid less and only a couple of scratches on the back) but it definately should have had the docmentation and cd with it. I think, in order to get rid of me, they actually opened up the box of a new one and gave me what i needed. Result!

So yesterday evening i was very pleased. I spent a little time figuring out my palm, but i really like it. Very easy to use and does exactly what i needed it to.

I also got called about a last minute meeting for the OU WM which is on Wednesday. This puts my schedule for writing my TMA out a little, but i will keep on going, and remember that I do have a sat and Sun to write after i return from summer school. I still think i could finish off the Medea before i leave, which would be a big chunk of work done.

And of course i have a long train journey which can be used for making notes and possibly even a rewrite of my first section.

I think that it just means a late night when i could have done with a lie in..

I haven't written for a few days, i have been so busy at work. Not that that is a bad thing, but it means i'm so frazzled by the end of the day.

I've finished glossing and painting my study, so tonight i'm going to shift the desk back and put a bookcase and books back in it. Then i must measure up for a curtain rod and some sheer curtains. Finally, seven months down the line I nearly have one room finished!

I also need to tidy up before I go away. I don't think i'll move my pc over before i go, but i can certainly move some of the cd's i use for it and all my magazines.

I worked late last night, and got told off by the same manager who thought i was panicking. But hey, since they won't let me do on call when i need to do work i can no longer take a laptop home and do it, so i have to stay late and do it.

Plus, i told him several times that users were waiting to test, so i couldn't simply say, right it's OOH now and i'm off home.

It meant that I wasn't able to get back to my house and do some touching up of the paintwork, but i did finish the unit on WSS. Tonight i'll do the paintwork and pick up the tapes for the music unit, and have a good go through that.

I did ask if i could leave early today, but I can't...so it really makes a mockery of everything that manager said to me.

Oh and apparently that fact that I have worked every bank holiday this year means nothing. So I guess I won't be volunteering to do any more!

From Yesterday


I had an email from a company which was set up in response to confidence lab (a prog which i watched a couple of years ago), the ntoed that i had watched it and mentioned it here and invited me to come along to one of their courses. It's about a hundred quid, but it sounds like it could be worth investing that in me.

I finally finished painting my study. It just needs a few touchups, but that will onyl take a few minutes, and then i need to regloss the skirting and windowsil where i wasn't so steady with the brush. Then i can move everything back and think about moving Pootle over.

I worked through block 5 yesterday after Pranav's wedding, and almost finished the unit on Wide Sargasso Sea, and made a good start on the musical unit. I should hopefully finish WSS tonight, and do a little more on the music. This shoudl give me the time to, perhaps, do half of the next tma before I go to summer school. I only have a week after I return, but part of that week is a weekend, and I have the following Monday off, which should be plenty of time to write 750 words.

And i should be going over to Melody's house sometime this week, and we can bounce idea's off each other. That should keep my interest up in this "summer break" and hopefully inspire me. Unfortunately I'm working this weekend, otherwise I could have got 300 words written fairly easily. But I'll do what I can, when I can. I have mostly finished my PSX2 games, so I have no distraction from them, and can spend a little time working on my house, then going back to mums and studying there.

I should be receiving the USB pen drive that i won on ebay, much sturdier than a floppy or a cd, it means I can take any work with me to summer school, should inspiration strike whilst I am there.

Apparently i am too flappy at work, despite being on call and working more weekends and bank holidays than anyone else, i make one mistake in escalating something and now i am not allowed to be on call anymore.

It's all a matter of perception. And at least i didn't cry this time, but it makes me so angry. I worked so hard, and for nothing...

But i'm going to be positive about it. They may think i panic, but i know how much better i am, how much stronger i am than only a few months ago. How i don't cry every day at work, how I don't drive myself crazy by going through things over and over again. For work it's important they my bosses know, but for the rest of me and my life it's important that i know. Since only i can improve things.

but i'm being proactive again, i spoke to HR to get some advice onhow to tackle this and i'm going to speak to my bosses boss since he is the one who felt i was panicking.

Tired again today, i overslept Monday morning and nearly did the same today. No chance of a lie in for the next four weeks, either. I must be more careful and start going to bed earlier, or i will make myself ill (again).

I've been looking at kitchens again. I think a new kitchen would make me eager to have people around, and it does need doing. Why not get it started now when the weather is good? I don't really know where to start, but I think I have decided on rimini from MFI. Blonde wood and silver...maybe!

Like i said, i don't know where to begin. Do i need to get the electrician out to help with deciding where the extra power points should go, or do i rip everything out first? I thinka trip to mfi maybe in order. Well i should go anyway to see if I like the kitchen in the flesh as it were, and find out how much it would cost. I wonder if I kept the info from b and Q? I will have alook at home tonight. I think I need a folder for home improvement work!

I think I really do need that, and a fridge, before i think about buying a PDA! And a nice kitchen might inspire me to cook better food...

I'm slowly working my way through the unit on Medea, it's not easy reading...

I finished "The onion girl" last night. A great read, although i didn't enjoy the ending....but it was the only ending that it cold have had. Typical De Lint! Faeries and magic, but no fairytale endings.

I thought about going back to the gym again, but maybe joining a new one. I had a look around Holmes Place at star city. Great facilities, but lousy aerobics timetable.

I did a lot of painting on the weekend, well i did most of one wall. And as a result i think i pulled a muscle in my arm. I woke up at 1am in terrible pain...i'm buying a roller on Tuesday!

Yesterday


Having a slightly better day today. Thank goodness.

I am well into rereading Wide Sargasso Sea. I still hate it, but should have it finished in a couple of nights. At the moment my tutorials are so close together, we should only just have started Medea, but next week we'll be discussing WSS which should be studied 4 weeks away!

It's not a good day today. I overslept because we had a powercut last night and i forgot to reset my alarm. Thne i got a puncture on the way into work, so had to call out rescue.

And now everything has hit the fan at work.

I think i should just have overslept the entire day really.

It's been a very long weekend. Mostly spent in work i might add. I'm exhausted and not very coherent. But only six hours until i get to go...to a tutorial...could do with a break really. And i don't get one for about 5 weeks...i try and get early nights, but i just never seem to manage them. I also need to get back studying again. I have listened to Medea once in the car, and am part way through it a second time. So i'm aware of the plot, but need reminders. Hopefully, i will be able to spend some time on Saturday or Sunday doing it, in between PJ and Elaines wedding.

After a rewrite tma06 is now handed in. So i'm back to reading the medea and tryign to get ahead before summerschool so that i can just do a quick finish off of tma07 on my return. I really need to finish painting my study, it's silly now. I just haven't the will to do it on my own. I need some good music and probably a bottle of wine so that i can have one lovely finished room. After that i'll move pooter and get a second socket for the phone line put in. I'm also hoping to make some plans for the bathroom and get that done. That would be a great deal out of the way. It just gets a bit lonely doing it on my own...

I have now drained my HSBC account, so it's back to homemade sandwiches and trying to save in halifax account.

I've found this last week very hard, watching other people who experienced relationship break ups only a few months ago happy with other people...and here i am still on my own...

But in keeping with my new attitude i'm not goign to dwell on it too much, i'm getting out and about, studying hard and seizing opportunities. Growing and learning.

We are having power cuts at work again, so i lost the entry where i

wrote about me becoming the treasurer for thw West mids branch of the

OU students association. Considering i am not mathematically minded,

this is quite a task. The accounts for my region are apparently in a

bit of a state, so maybe having someone who will go through them very

carefully because she is aware of her limitations will be a good thing.

Plus this sort of work is useful if i ever intend to move up the

career ladder.

I'm also the Student academic link for the arts. I don't know

whether i will be called upon to do anything, but i like to be useful.

I'm now on the final revision and am on target to hand it in on Thursday. I don't know whether i have really answered the question.

I'll start on Sunday. The grandparents came around, looking very well, and helped out in my garden. You must understand that i don't force them to do this, i am quite happy for them to sit on my bench in the back garden with a cold drink. But my grandad brings his half-moon edging tool and his shears with him! And grandma said that he actually looks forward to having a go on my hover mower! Mind you, he gets the easy task of using the mower, i chase around after him collecting up all the clippings! The pointed out that all the plants i was hopefully growing were in fact weeds and pulled them all out. Still, it was a good afternoon, and gives me another wonderful memory of them.

Saturday is going to take a bit longer to write...

I'll begin through. I woke up far too early, and headed off for Harbourne for the regional forum. I arrived promptly at ten, only to find that the meeting was at 2. So i headed back home again!

I didn't do any work on my tma, but i did start reading the next block, so that's something. I also had a go with Nero, which seems to be exactly what i need. I'll use it for the demo period and then probably buy it.

I've managed to give away two geraniums and will pot another and give it to someone else on Monday. I think the rest will go into two big pots outside my front door.

I'm considering buying another three baskets from Matalan. They look good, and keep things nice and tidy. I also need to tidy upstairs before the grandparents arrive. Washing up might be nice... as it's will and grace on telly, i can chill out and do washing up in the ad breaks. Although i must remember to actually do my TMA on Saturday!

Naughty me didn't do any work on my tma last night. I tried to view a cover dvd from pcformat and had a lot of difficulty. I have found out the my dvd rom is not the one specified, although it does work. I also decided to download Nero and give that cd burner software a try.

I'm back to feeling tired again. I must get an early night tonight.

And err...finish off that tma at some point. Tonight i WILL write it up giving me Friday and Saturday to polish it off. Or i should really make a start on the next block tonight...

So much to do!

I popped into Tescos last night, i had hoped to get to Notcutts, but it closed at 6. I bought some pasta for tea, and had a look around at Cherokee in Tescos. They have some cute and very tempting bags...

I'm going to head back and maybe pick up a bag, and hopefully pick up some pots from Notcutts. I'm going to try repotting my spider plant and perhaps one of it's spiderlets.

Well i did write another hundred words, so i have 250 left of my word count, i think tonight i might start trying to put together in as bit better order so that i then have plenty of time to think about what needs to go in. I'm not that happy with it, but i think i've included everything...

I also tidied up a little last night, sorting out magazine articles into plastic page protectors. I watered my patio pots and sorted out more paper for recycling.

I need to get out more!

Well, i did write another 100 words, so only another 400 to go. I'm not sure that it's on the correct lines, but i'm putting in what i can so i should pass... That means i could spend Saturday night not working, or just reading through it, which isn't so taxing. I'll see how go the rest of this week.

I didn't do much on my house last night, just gave all my patio plants a good watering and collapsed with FFX.

I am so lazy. and my grandparents are coming over on Sunday, so i would like it be at least a little tidier by then. Still, if the weather holds, they can sit outside in the garden and perhaps give me the benefit of their years of experience and help me choose some plants for next year!

I have my camera with me, so i am hoping to finish off my film and get soem pictures of me on holiday skiing and my house done. I can then put some more recent pictures on here!

I had a hectic couple of days off work. Rushing around getting my eyes checked, and into Birmingham to local at the bridal registry for a friend followed by a haircut. Friday i went up to Leicester and sat outside in my grandparents garden having tea and cake and getting sunburnt!

Saturday and Sunday i did a lot of gardening and got myself halfway throough tma06. If i can make a good attempt at finishing it off this week, i then have nearly a whole week to pick it apart! I'm doing well.

I didn't paint my study, it was simply too nice to be stuck in doors! I did go and spend money though. I decided to buy a new computer. I didn't need a new monitor, but bought an emachines pc from pcworld. It came with a new mouse, keyboard and speakers, of which i don't need the speakers...but it's quick and will see me through the next few years. It didn't come with cd burner software and unfortunately my great version of easycd doesn't work with XP (GAH!), so i'm hunting for an alternative.

Well, i did make a start on tma06. I jumped straight in with trying to apply Smart's model to a religious festival (I've chosen Christmas because of it's commerciality) and had a good go at a couple of the dimensions. Then i wrote my conclusion (which this time i will reread and possibly redo when i have finished), so all in all i did about 200 words. I'm going to do another 100 tonight to keep up my target. I won't be doing any tomorrow night because of TH2, but the extra hundred i did last night keeps it up. I am intending to do 300 on Saturday, plus tidying up of the work i have already done, and that will put my nearly half way through. If i can keep that up next week i will still have a week to read through and make any alterations.

Isn't it amazing how good you feel when you start something you have been dreading?

I've also been looking at what people recommend taking to Summer School. An alarm clock (i bought that mini travel one, which i must work out how to set the alarm on. I know i have the instructions...somewhere...), a cd player/tape recorder to keep you going when studying in the evenings, an air freshener...i don't know hwo i'm going to carry those and all my clothes and books! I'm almost tempted to drive up, except for the fact that car parking will be expensive. Nearly 60 pounds is a lot of money. I think i'm going end up taking my backpack for books and supplies, and a big suitcase for clothes. I can always take my discman and rechargable batteries.

I'm also giving serious thought to doing some science short courses. I'm not in a hurry to get a degree. And it might be nice to chop and change. I think Mel is going to do Latin with me, and she is also doing a short course in between, but she is definately thinking about Leonardo. It'll be interesting to see if she enjoys that, as i might end up doing it another time. It would be good to carry on working together for another year, although she intends on doing a language degree.

I've got tomorrow and Friday off. Tomorrow i'm doing exciting things like getting my eyes tested and picking up the lampshade that i ordered two weeks ago from argos. Friday i'm off to Leicester to visit the grandparents. I'm sure i can get some gardening done too, and maybe finish reading the medea. I don't know why, but i seem to prefer writing my tma during the evening. I might even listen to the tapes the ou has provided on the trip to my grandparents. That would be a really good use of time. If there is one thing i've learned, it's how to manage my time, and when i work best.

I did a little more painting of my study, i'd like to get that finished by this weekend, so that i have one room that i like and can start ferrying books from my room to my house.

Well, i had to pay quite a lot, over a thousand pounds for both my car to be repaired and the excess on the hire car...but i'm feeling good despite that. It's annoying because that money could have gone on a pda and a new laptop, or a new front door...instead i'll spending ages trying to pay it off. ALthough i did wonder if i should use the last of my savings to do that.

Still i'm alive, and keeping positive.

I didn't really start my plan last night, but did think about it, and i think i may just jump straight in. Or at least write 100 words tonight. I don't feel motivated to write it, or is it that i just don't agree with the approach that my tutor wants me to take? I'm not sure. I think i will feel better if i make a start though.

from yesterday:


Well, it should have been a very relaxing couple of days, but as is usual for me taking time off work...it all went pearshaped.
My car stopped working on the way home on Wednesday, and it's going to cost a LOT to repair. I've had to hire a car so that i can get into work (more money), and i have managed to scratch the hire car (even more money).

So i'm now feeling very poor. But since i am reading "how to stop worrying and enjoy living" by Dale Carnegie, i am trying to remain positive.

I didn't get up to much. I finished Grandia II and sold all my ps2 games and got FFX and Splinter Cell. I finished painting the hall and made a good start on redoing the study. I did more gardening and remowed my back garden.

I decided to go with FLY Lady and do things like that for 15 minutes, filling up a couple more bin bags with garden waste and a sainburys plastic bag. I also decided to try and recycle more. I have a basket now and in go all my old magazines, envelopes and junk mail. It felt good to do something like that.

I went along to the Sutton Branch OUSA meeting. I seem to have been elected Sutton representative. Actually, i think it will be a good thing to get more involved. And, it can help me to improve my soft management skills, too. I think it would also be nice to meet other students in the Sutton area, too. I'm going to go to the regional forum on the 21st and see what happens.

I am now registered fot at272 and a297. It's scary, but exciting too...mind you i haven't even started tma06 yet and it's due in 25 days... Maybe tonight after my tutorial i will do my plan. That seems like a good idea. I still have a couple of weekends in which to do it, as well as actually spending some time on Thurs or Fri! It's entirely possible and since i am ahead on reading etc, i should do it.

Well, i did finish off the yellow paint last night! Now i just need to touch up the gloss in a few places and redo a little of the green and my hall is finally finished (well apart from needing a new carpet and a new front door...)

I also finally finished Block 4, although some parts will need to be reread. And i registered for AT272 (ancient and medieval cities) and A297 (reading classical latin), a bit of a mixture but should be interesting. I know that Latin will be tough, but i really do want to improve my grammar, and i think that it will be a good change from A103. I had to pay for AT272 up front, which i am not happy about, because i am trying to get rid of my credit card balance.

So, what's tonight's job. Probably not glossing, i'll save that until Thursday, but i may well touch up the green paint and then do a little more on my study. I should also think about measuring for curtains...

Credit card balance. Well, i'm going to consolidate and move my smile balance (which is now out of it's six month interest free period) to my halifax account. But i like Smile's ethics, so i will keep the account open.

I did it. Now i can really work on getting the amount down, i'd like to be debt free by the end of this year. This means i need to pay about 150 quid a month, so it's more likely that it'll be the end of next year...but since i'm taking a cheaper OU course, i could divert some of the straight to it. URGH Credit cards are horrible.

I had a tutorial last night. All about religion again, although it descended into science. Fun stuff. I have decided that i am going to do Latin and the short course on ancient and medieval cities. Melody is probably going to do Latin too, but i have loaned her my book on learning Latin so that she can decide whether or not. I think she might do the short course on Leonardo, if she finds it interesting i might do it at another time.

I was going to try and finish block 4, but was just too tired. That's tonights job! Then i should be all set for attempting to write tma06 starting this week. Nothing like getting ahead with it. It also means that i have plenty of time to reread the set books.

I think when i have my couple of days off this week, the weather is not going to be so good, i should use that to finish my painting jobs...

I just had a light bulb moment, i need to do the work first, before i get the reward of grandia...so tonight, i'm going to finish the yellow paint. Put it away, clean the brush and then get out the green paint for touching up tomorrow. I won't start the green paint, but that can be done along with touching up the gloss in the hall where it has gone yellow after my little accident.

That would be a good thing to achieve. Then i need to finish the study so that i can transfer some books and folders from my room at mum's to my house. This means i'll have more space in my room, which will allow me physical room to sort and purge what i have there! I know i have a lot of stuff which can be got rid of (do i really need to keep back edition of my Old Girls magazine?!!) and i might find some treasures (pretty pictures to put on my walls).

I should also buy some plants from b&q to put into a hanging basket by the front door. I also need to think about bathrooms. If i have a new bathroom put in i could think about properly moving in. Stuff the kitchen, it's not like a cook much anyway. I could have a brand new suite for around 500 quid, but the expensive part is going to be ripping out the old one and getting a new one tiled etc. But i would have thought that 3 grand should cover it.

Sometimes i feel so jealous. My TL is getting married and he is always talking about his lady, buying her expensive gifts and taking her out...

I am giving even more serious consideration to a pda - i could spend around 250 quid on it...or i could pay off my credit card bills...hmmm

From the 2nd:


Well, i had a rather lazy weekend. I did a little bit of gardening and a tiny bit of painting and a LOT of Grandia.

I should have done more, but i just didn't fancy it. Saturday was so hot, but i did manage to rake up another two bags of clippings, so it wasn't exactly time wasted, and i did finish putting together my bench. I headed off to the garden centre, i bought some gardening gloves (very necessary), two pots, a lavendar plant, some compost for hangbaskets and pots, some bamboo canes and a hanging basket (really pretty). The hanging basket is now in my backgarden, the bamboo canes are holding up my sweetpeas, and the pots are filled with compost and lavender.

I got rid of some weeds in my back garden, and a fair few from the front and gave it a bit of a go over with the trimmer. It'll need another go, but i'll just do little bits. Too much and i get bored. And extremely hot in the sun!

Got my tma back, got a 72, which is a LOT better than i was expecting. The tutor said my work was logically written, and i understood both David and Rousseau, i just needed a little more. I think that planning it out carefully really helped, and this essay would have got me a 2:1 classification (just) which is still really good.

I am still pushing through history of science, i am finding it quite hard going, but only have one section and a conclusion left to go, so i should get through that within the next couple of days. I have some time off from work, too, so i should be able to make a good start on tma06...

from the 30th:


I went and spent some nectar points at Argos last night. I bought the trimmer/edger that i had my eye on (and it was reduced by a fiver!) and have ordered a pink lampshade, which should arrive in a couple of weeks.

Mindful of the fact that it was evening i only had a quick go with my edger, but it seemed to do a good job. I am hoping that it stays dry on Saturday so that i can properly finish off my back lawn. It looks like it might rain Sunday, which is a pity, but of course I can use Sunday for painting instead.

The back lawn is very patchy, and will definately need one of those feed thingies. If that doesn't work it's onto seed. And then there is the front lawn (aka the meadow), btu i would hope that i can at least make a start on that on Saturday. I need to find some childrens gardening gloves, so that i can start to pull up some of the weeds..anyone know anywhere that sells them?

I read through a couple my pages of history of science, and should do more tonight. It's become a routine for me, and i work best with routines...

I long to go bck to my house, it's warm and sunny(ish) and i can be me. I'm bored, work is not coming in, and i would much rather be studying.

So, tonight, i see myself playing a little grandia, maybe a little bit more painting and then home for friends and Wallace.

It sounds boring, but i like routine. Maybe i am not meant to get married.

I make it sound as if i don't like work; when i have nothing to do i am plain bored, when i have plenty to work on, i enjoy it. I have a low boredom threshold and like being challenged.

Maybe tonight i should put the bench together instead.

Today:


Looks like blogger is down, but i'm still going to write. I did nothing on my house last night, apart from play Grandia. I did drop off a congrats card to Darren for passing his driving test.

I just felt lazy. I tried to read a little more of my history of science, and hope to finish it this weekend.

I was going to get a good nights sleep, but got distracted by discovering that the timehunt is now up and running. Idiot.

Of course today i am tired and much less likely to do any work on the house.

Oh, C5 are going to be showing Angel on Mondays,but at 8pm. It seems a bit early frankly, but i suppose at this rate it's better shown than not. And i keep seeing trailers and voiceovers for it, which is good. Better than C4 at any rate which did nothing to promote it. Not that the Beeb promotes any of the sci-fi progs it has. It's a shame that they didn't put Angel into the boomtown slot, it would have worked nicely there; picking up viewers from csi and 10pmish is a good time for it. But there you go. Instead they are showing old csi episodes (admittedly it is a great show and one you can watch several times, but still).

I'm wasted in my job, i was clearly born to be a tv scheduler.

It's quite a nice day today, if it stays fine i might nip to argos and buy and edge trimmer and finish off my back lawn. That would be good to finish off. Although i'm aware that it is quite noisy to do. Put my bench together? Or at least make a start on it...

I can't wait until i can have some time off and do things at an easier pace instead of racing around.

I went out to the local shopping park at lunchtime. What a lovely day, so warm...i wish i was at home! I spotted soem new shoes, but nothing that can replace the plain black mules i wear. I desperately need to replace them since they have nearly broken in half. but all they had were trainer type mules...very annoying, or a pair of nice black ones which were really too narrow.

Urgh, i need sleep. Just three hours and then i can go home. Must go to bed early, must get decent nights sleep. A glass of wine and a chilled night in sounds fab.

Please, please, please be warm when i get home. Just over an hour to go. I am going to leave on time i need to relax...so tired and cranky.

From yesterday:


I wrote one of my longest ever entries yesterday. Then we had an electrical fault at work it all vanished when my pc lost power...

My TL has just bought a PDA. It's actually quite appealing. Smaller than my trusty diary, and probably more flexible. But the expense??

I talked about a lot of things, including the fact that i've found a new pink paint with which i am going to repaint my study. It's a bit lighter, and i prefer it. I still haven't finished the yellow paint though. I must do that this weekend, before i really begin to hate that colour!

Last night i got the pack from the OU about choosing my next course. I think i'm going to go for the short course about ancient cities, followed by reading Latin. It does mean that i have to put up with Sallust for the second time in my life, but maybe this time something will go in. I need to find two more short courses to make up the numbers. Probably an introduction to shakespeare, i don't think i could do a full course, but a short one might be interesting...and then i guess i wait and see. The shakespeare course hasn't been finalised yet, but i cuold do that years down the road. Right now, i'm picking ones that interest me. The cities one was an obvious choice (pity it isn't a full 30 point one in my opinion!) and i have always wanted to improve my Latin, now i have the chance.

I am enjoying the course, it's hard work (especially the TMA's), but i have made a new friend in Melody and learned so much already.

Well, after i wrote that the power went off in the office again, good job i saved this time!

I bought a bench for my garden last night, it wasn't heavy, but i simply couldn't lift it out of the trolley due to being on the short side. Fortunately, a very nice gentleman came and lifted it out for me. Once that was done i was able to pick it up and load it into my car. Sadly it was raining last night, so i didn't really fancy trying to put it together. I'll leave it until Saturday, in the hope that it will be nicer then. Plus i have much longer to do it.

The last few nights i've been playing a little Grandia II, doing some painting (although yellow paint is very hard to see in artificial light, so the borders will wait until the weekend when i can actually see what i'm doing!) and then going and trying to read "here's history of science", which i'm finding quite hard going. It's written in a rather odd, sarcastic way. Full of cliches...but i'll get through it.

I am enjoying it, despite the hard work. I'm a bit nervous about Res School, but i'm hoping that it will help me get my head a round some concepts, as well as perhaps making some new friends. I do want a classics degree, but the idea of some history of english is appealing too. So is art history!

Well i did start hacking up the box that my bed came in, Unfortunately whilst doing this i accidentally knocking a tin of paint down my stairs. Cue yellow paint over all the carpet, the walls and me. Oh dear. Not exactly what i had in mind.

At least, in the state of mind i am in now i can say, oh well, i was going to replace that carpet anyway...and laugh and say that it matches the walls now...

I didn't feel in the mood to finish up hacking the box after that, so i think that's a job for tonight. Maybe whilst watching BB4?

I spoke with Lindsay's friend again last night. She hadn't even started the tma (due in today), and in fact didn't even have a plan. I have told her twice what she needs to write, and although i'm not happy with mine, i hope that i'll get a pass at the end of it. I told her to speak to her tutor last nigh and ask for an extension, but she kept on going about how the rousseau thing kept saying the same thing again and again....Well yes it does, so that you understand it! I don't think that she's really ready for a degree level course.

I worked a little more on my religion block, and have nearly finished it. It'll go through it again before Monday, and hopefully will have got around to watching the TV programmes by then! Mum is seriously thinking about studying, i think she'll do alright with it, if only she could make up her mind what to do. She may even end up doing the course i'm doing now! Not a bad idea, since it's a good introduction. she's done one course with the OU already, about ten years ago, but it was a maths based course and it was a level 2! I think she'd cope with a level 1, no problems, just the problem of actually having the time to do it.

She'd like to do it when she retires, a great idea since she would have so much mroe free time, and it keeps the mind active. Not that she'll be retiring for a while...

My TL says that my emails are too flat. I asked his TL is there was anything that i could read to improve it, since too "flat", well it means nothing really.... He said that i just need to keep on practising and it will come eventually. So i haven't given up hope. That's constructive critism, telling me that it's too flat is, quite frankly, not.

Am seriously considering becoming a cat.

Did i write that i had brought Grandia 2? It's fun, but nowhere near as good as the original. I currently don't really care about any of the characters, but there is nothing like some monster bashing to get rid of stress at the end of a day! I also cleared and tidied a far bit in my room at mum's house. What i really need to do though, is get motivated to finish stripping my room at my house, so that i can get someone to put lining paper up, and then paint it. I now have a dressing table and a bedside table, curtesy of the Beesleys. They aren't really my style (very dark wood), but i did need them, and it also got them off their hands (thereby doing us both a favour). I think i'm going to end up with eclectic look, rather than a matching one!

I've decided to hand in my TMA, it isn't going to get any better, and i just want to pass! I did do a little more study of the next block, so i should have it finished by Monday, and then onto the next one. Because i'm not doing a tma about the next one (well, unless i decide it as an option for my final tma's) i can concentrate on doing a really tma about religion and then making decent notes for the science one.

I need to spend more time on my house...i go home in the evenings and end up playing on my playstation for an hour. It's not really productive, is it? But i do so enjoy it... Mind you, i enjoyed the feeling of looking at my bedroom floor, free of clutter...

I decided that i'm going to buy another shelving unit, so i can neatly put away all my ou and salford uni stuff, and my magazine boxes.

You know what? Tonight i'm going to get my scissors out and hack the box that my bed came in, so that it can be picked up for recycling tomorrow...

So much for my plans. I got called out, and then i found it hard to relax. I taped Boomtown, but was still wide awake when it finished...

I'm due to give my talk at work today, and i can feel the stress rising. Can't concentrate, heart going fast...stupid really. I know my stuff, and i deliberately made it short, so that i didn't have too much to remember. But getting up in front of people, having attention focused on me....well it gives me panic attacks! But i'm doing it, so i guess that's the main thing.

Well i gave it, but my TL says that i might have to give it again because not enough people bothered to turn up. I refuse to be punished for other people...

From the 20th:


Last week i came down with another bought of that horrible stomach bug, but i think i'm finally over it. Certainly i polished off the rest of the rich tea biscuits over the weekend!

I'm close to finishing tma05. It's been hard because it was so close to the last one, and i don't have much interest in the subject matter...but if i pass, that's all that really matters at this stage, and certainly from the process of writing it, i have learned the importance of planning an essay, so it hasn't been time wasted.

Despite that, i'm not doing too badly at all, and i should be fairly certain of a pass (which is all you get at the end of this, rather than a percentage result). I've even picked out what i want to do next, and i know that 60 points is as much as i would want to do at any one time!

But a ten point course, followed bya 30 point course sounds good.

What smells good at work today is Samosa's. One my colleagues has been here a year and has bought in a batch of warm ones. mmmm. pastry, potato and spice. Just what you need for breakfast!

I had a good tutorial yesterday, all about religion. I'd already covered most of it, but it's good to discuss these things. Melody and myself are going to meet up next Monday and have a discussion about the next tma. It's not due in for 5 weeks, but there is no harm on thinking about how we are going to approach it.

My tutor recommended taking this weekend off! I feel as if i've been writing tma's for the last six weeks (i probably have!), and it sounds likea good idea. I've read a far bit of block 4, and have started reading Medea, and thinking about rereading Wide Sargasso Sea(yuk!). More enjoyable than the French Revolution...

I also tried to register myself on my next course, but it just gave me a form for a science short course, when it should be an arts one. I'm in no hurry though, and indeed it now has three start times for the next academic year, so i could probably do that and Latin. But i think it would be better not to!

I'm now just sitting at work dreaming of going home. I'm sooooo tired, and a bit fed up today. Just an hour and a half and i can go home, get some tea and then chill out for a while before having a nice bath and going to bed.

From the 14th:

Since i did nothing on my TMA Monday night, i wrote 300 words last night. This keeps me up to my target of a hundred words a night, because i'm doing a quiz with work tonight.

I also spoke to Lindsay's friend who is doing the same course as me, but is in another tutor group. She is not managing very well. Her last assignment received a mark of 25 percent, so Lindsay wanted me to encourage her.

well, it turns out that she didn't listen to the cassette which basically said how to do the assignment, she doesn't watch the TV programmes and hasn't been to her last four tutorials. No wonder she's having trouble. Apparently her style is too informal, and she is having trouble sticking to the question (understandable if she doesn't have the information that she needs).

I said i would meet up with her next week and see what I can do to help...

Having a bit of a day at work. My team leader arranged a meeting with a team leader from one of our 3rd party suppliers. I came up with the agenda and asked him if there was anything he wanted adding to it, he said no and that i should run with it and think of anything else. Today, the day of the meeting, he was in another meeting which over ran, so i went and informed him of the time and he said that he wouldn't be able to make it. So, since i was supposed to be running with it...i did!

He then came out of his meeting, found out that i had the original meeting and had a bit of a go at me, saying that he had told me to cancel the meeting (which he hadn't), and that if he couldn't make a meeting he had arranged it should be cancelled.

No point me running with it then.

I live and learn.

I have come down with a bit of a stomach bug. I felt so poorly yesterday that i went home at midday. I'm sure everyone thought i was just putting it on, but i didn't eat anything until i got home. Me, off me food? See, i definately was ill! In fact i had three rich tea biscuits for lunch, then a small pot of jelly because i knew that i needed a sugar boost because i was feeling wobbly, then i had some soup for tea. I enjoyed the soup, and tried to eat some buttered bread with it. It's usually my favourite, but i ate a quarter of a slice, and just couldn't face anymore.

Today i feel better, no cramps and an urge to be sick all the time...but i ate my weetabix for breakfast, which appears to have been a mistake.

But the fact that i actually want to eat is a good sign. I might go and get a fizzy drink, or a fruit juice since i know that i do need something for energy.

Some time later - i had a fruit juice and then had a couple of sandwiches for lunch.

I started on my introduction, and got a little bit more straightened in what i want to write in my TMA. I won't be doing any tonight, since it's Marcus' second birthday and i'm going round to Lindsay and Darrens for that and TH2.

But it felt satisfying to have made a start on it.

Actually from the 7th:


I played a little more of NOLF last night, i had forgotten how much fun it was. I also made a start on tma05. Definately the hardest so far, i feel a bit lost but i started thinking about a plan and working out how many words i had for each section. This helps to narrow down how much i need to cover. I'm also looking at the smartgroups for a103, to provide a bit of inspiration, and i think it has a little. So tonight, i'll try and expand on my plan a little more so that i could at least get half written by this weekend. I might also speak with Mel and suggest getting together one night to kick a few ideas around. Sometimes i find i can get so stale, and two heads are better than one and other such cliches.

Little by little seems to be good, so that i don't get scared off by it's "difficulty". It still hasn't inspired me towards the French Revolution though.

I must go and buy a lawn mower some time, and at least make a start on my backgarden. I'll leave the front garden til the weekend, because of it's size. And if i mow it tonight, i can weed kill the back again over the weekend.

I should be going (work permitting) to the Good Homes show at the NEC, so i'm hoping to get some inspiration and tips for my house.

I had a bit of a lazy bank holiday. I played on my playstation, finishing Primal which was good although a little buggy and far too short. I started on Grandia 2, which isn't a patch on the original, and seems a little complicated so far. I also restarted NOLF, and discovered that i had completely missed something, so i was able to progress a little further.

Admittedly i should have been working on my TMA, but i just didn't feel like it this weekend.

I did attack my backgarden with weedkiller though. It is quite satisfying watching them curl up and die...

I probably also should have been writing my talk for work, but i have decided to actually do that at work.

Seems like a slow day at work today. Well, it's a Friday and my clients have a strange systems were many of them work alternative Fridays. Sounds like a good idea to me!

I haven't done much OU work this week, which is very bad considering i have 20 days to write another tma! But i have mostly finished the reading, and a short break gives me a rest and then i start fresh again. I'm not actually supposed to do that, but since i'm a quick reader i can generally get through the reading in about half the alloted time. Especially if it's something which interests me.

To date, everything has apart from the French Revolution, which was written in a rather dull manner and took me three weeks to read!

My favourite part so far has been learning about the Colosseum and classical architechture. I have been going around spotting columns and orders and getting very excited!

I've also become friendly with another girl on my course, and she enjoyed that part too. It's good to have someone to bounce ideas off, and i'm trying to encourage her to do Latin next year! Whether she will or not, i don't know, but i hope that she continues with her studies regardless.

I'm not sure what to do, probably Latin, and i might even slip in a ten point course in between about ancient cities, since i enjoyed the Colosseum so much.

The classics courses are being rearranged a bit, some level 2's will be rewritten as level 3, which leaves me a little lots, but i guess i'll just carry on and maybe slip in something else which i enjoy.

Sometimes though i think it's crazy, i'm tired from work and should be doing stuff to my house...and yet i still take on this.

It's been so long. I'm now on medication again after having to havea couple of weeks off sick, and feeling pretty good. I'm working hard on my OU work, but haven't started back at the gym again.

Still slowly going through my OU work. Am onto tma03 now. The first two parts are written and just need typing up and a bit of polishing. The final part, 700 words, i am just starting. Maybe i will finish it by the weekend. That would be good. Especially since it needs to be handed in by the 11th!

I am enjoying the course, and the tutorials very much. But writing essays...well i always did have problems with those.

My mum now have freeview...you now what that means? QVC!! I love that station, so funny.

I'm looking for something...more..i miss the chatter from my EQ friends, despite having had nothing to do with EQ in...nearly three years.and that guild i think got swallowed up a year ago. It's the companionship i miss. I was so involved in it, went to a meet and chatted all day by email and all night on EQ.

I don't get that kind of connection with my RL friends. Of course, if i started EQ i wouldn't have that companionship again.

And of course, i should spend that time doing something productive like my OU course, or going to the gym (haven't done that in a while).

Decided to start playing Grandia again. The game makes me so happy. but it makes me a hermit. I need to get out more...

I'm also going to redesign a website for a church association. These are the things i enjoy. That and animals!

And today i got pulled into an office by my manager and told basically that my outburst and leaving the office for a while a few weeks ago was not acceptable. I mean, i know that...but telling me that doesn't help. It just makes me feel even worse than i already am.

And it did. I am truly beginning to wonder if i should stay here. Or if its just a temporary blip. I hope it's a blip. But maybe...oh i don't know. I have so much fear and anger inside, and its killing me.

Got phoned this morning. Apprently the company doing my back door have messed up completely and fitted the kitchen door into the patio door. I am dreading going home tonight and seeing what they have done to my home.

Life seems to hard now. With my home ruined and the threat of redundancy and so so alone.

It's still very depressing at work. I am constantly worried about redundancy, but HR doesn't seem too bothered at the moment. I just can't stop worrying. I've even been considering changing jobs...

I saw someone from icas on Friday, which did help a little. But the effects only lasted a few hours.

Saturday..(yes i know this is disjointed, but then i feel that way completely right now) i met a cat. The cat was sitting underneath a hedge on my road. It was meowing and so me being me i meowed back. We had a brief conversation and i persuaded it to come out from beneath the hedge. I have never heard such a vocal cat, and so friendly to. The cat followed me to my house and then followed me to my car. When it saw i was getting into my car, it carried on it's way.

I really miss having a cat.

Then i went and spent 40 pounds (!) on cosmetics. I think i was figuring that if i am going to lose my job, i might as well buy some of things now that i want. I bought three things with that 40 quid, all for my eyes. I have to say though, that i look very cute and pretty with them on, but not too teeny. The colours are really pale mauves and two different pinks. I suppose if I am going to do interviews, I should at least look smart.

Yesterday i went to asda and spent 27 pounds on a new jacket. It's a black and pinky ski jacket, and was reduced from 55 pounds. A bit of an extravagance, but what season in the UK doesn't require a warm and waterproof coat.

I'm getting that familliar feeling. The feeling that i'm losing my job. Only this time without two years service. That means, i get no redundancy pay...

Am feeling very very depressed.

Send me some cheering email.

Please.

I've given up chocolate for Lent. Have managed nearly two days so far, which is good for me. Ubfortunately seem to have replaced choccy with Crisps, which isn't so good.

I have been really struggling to get by the last week or so, and i've finally given in and i'm going to get counselling from the free service that my company subscribes to. I should be able to see someone basically on the way home from work which has several benefits. Unlike the NHS counscelling, i will need to take hardly any time off work. And it's a woman.

I had a wee bit of a melt down at work today. Or rather, i could feel one coming on and i just grabbed my stuff and left. Just coudln't stay in that environment any longer withough completely going mad. I got in my car and drove to the Sainsburys carpark by work and sat and cried in my car for about 25 minutes. Then i went back into work. As i walked through the door i immediately ran into ou HR person who took me into her room and made sure i was ok. she said i had done the right thing by leaving because i was so stressed, and recommended that i go home. But i didn't.

I knew that if i went home i would just go home and worry or cry. so far, the rest of today has been ok.

A bit hot, because our air con isn't working, but i'm still in one piece.

I need cheering up

After messing around for nearly 3 weeks, i have almost finished the last part of tma02. I enjoyed learning about Philosophy, but creating my own arguments was MUCH harder than i thought it would be. I have just one left now, so i am quite pleased. I also started watching the tv programme about the colloseum. Some of that, i'm sure, will not be new to me, so i should be able to make up some ground again.

I'm feeling quite down at the moment. And it's not just the lack of a love life. It's work. I feel...as if i am being pushed out. Training being denied, being ignored, remarks about me never being in on monday mornings (which is when i see my pychy bloke)...

But i spoke to HR who said that i should not be worried at all...

Congratulations to Norah Jones! 8 Grammies!

I also decided to switch banks. There were two final straws. One, i couldn't find an HSBC near me that had Saturday coutner service and two, the automatically put cardguard onto my new creditcard. I asked for it to be taken off, but they should have asked me first if i wanted it!

So i marched to Halifax and in a few months i shoudl be fully transfered!

Making people happy and smile is such a good feeling.

I took of the stappy thing that was on my knee last night. Only to find that there were blisters underneath it. Ouch! Still, at least my knee is walk-on-able now.

I went to my house and continued to organise and tidy up. Definately a good thing since my mum's new sofa arrives this week, which means i get her old one. I think it'll make a difference because i'll have something decent to sit on! And it means that more than one person can sit down at a time!

My kitchen is so depressing. I decided that even though at this point in time i can't afford to redo it, i'm going to put pictures and posters on the walls. That is an easy and cheap way of brightening it up, and personalising it too. I have loads of postcards from friends that have been sent through the years, and now i will have a place to display them and gain new joy from them.

I need to finish decorating the hall, and then my room. slowly, slowly... I don't feel like decorating in the evenings (unpacking and tidying is another matter), and the last few weekends have been pretty busy. This weekend it's my Grandad's birthday, so i probably won't get anything done then, but i'm going to plan to get the hall finished (or at least run out of paint) but the end of this month. I think i'm going to run out of yellow paint first, but if i finish the green and put up the border, that's a big job done.

I had a few more cards at home, and then in evening i went out with two women from spice to see chicago. I had never met the two women before, but it was far better than staying at home and crying. I enjoyed the film, but didn't think it rated all the nomnations it's getting!

Saturday i went to the Good Health show were i discovered that my knee is really buggered up, and i have a strap on it now. Apparently i am too flexible and push my joints further than they are supposed to go. My knee injury was caused by not bending correctly when skiing. The physio at the good Health show also mentioned that i have bad posture, and he recommended pilates as a way to improve my posture and hence help me to bend and use my joints properly thus stopping the pain i have and preventing further injury.

Sounded sensible to me, so i have booked a Pilates class for Wednesday. The strapping has lessing the pain further, although when i did a circuits class on Sunday squatting and jogging did cause me some pain.

So i kept myself busy...

Happy birthday to me. I was lucky enough to be bought the west wing and twin peaks dvds from my mum, and amelie on dvd and a book from my sister. Plenty to view! I also had a lovely text message from James very early this morning!

I'm feeling a bit blue really, since none of my friends can celebrate my birthday with me (what with them all being married), so instead i'm going to meet two people i have never met before (from spice) and am going to the cinema this evening. At least i can tell myself that i'm not sitting at home and moping, i'm going out and meeting new friends and being positive.

I decided that since i'm feeling quite depressed today i'm going to do what i can to cheer other people up. I've sent out a few things to people, and it has definately cheered me up.

My knee seems to be sorting itself out, hurrah!

you know what day it is tomorrow, right? I feel that black dog already...

I'm back! One knee slightly knackered, but otherwise all limbs intact.

And i'm back for that annual depression again my birthday/valentines day. Maybe this year i will get a V day card!

Well my kittens i'm off on holiday, i'm a little nervous because of my weight and relative lack of fitness. And of course i'm worried about the cold...

Wish me luck, and i hope to see you all again in one piece next week.

grr. i had a filling done yesterday and it's too big. I can't bite properly now and my jaw and head ache because of that. I'm having to go to the dental hosptial and pay more money to get it filed down. It could be along night tonight.

Also, the blooming ford centre rang up today the day before i get my MOT done to say that now they can't do it, because they have no certificates. So i'm going to have to get it done on a week day and msis some work. So frustrating, since i booked it deliberately on a Saturday over a month ago.

I wrote a little more for my music essay, and finished watching the TV programme about sonnets (which did not help with getting me to finish my sonnet essay), and started the one about music.

I'm off to a ski meeting tonight. Hopefully all the people on the trip will be getting together, so we can meet, and i guess i can find out who i sharing a room with!

So far i'm managing with not eating so much. Only one choccy bar today, and no crisps. But i am sooo hungry now. I definately need some tea when i get home.

Well, my furst tutorial went well, and it confirmed that i had basically started off on the right track with tma01. This convinced me to go back to tma02 and start wiritng again. I had forgotten that my rough draft for the third, musical section was not finished. I am up to 260 words, so i have 40 left. I should be able to finish it soon. Then i need to do some finishing touches to the one of the painting, and then really do some hard thinking about the sonnet one. But i may leave that until we have discussed it at the tutorial. The tutor also suggest that we should start reading "wide sargasso sea", which i felt pleased with, since ihave already read it thorugh once.

Now, if i can just stop spending money....life would be grand(ish)

So, i need to decide what i can do to stop spending. Well, i do have some things that i need to pay for this month that i cannot get out of; moting/servicing and taxing my car. No getting out of that i'm afraid, and that's what will push my over my 1k comfort zone. But that'll be it. I also need to get some spending money for my holiday. Then Feb i need to stop spending.

Saturdays instead of painting, i'm going to strip wallpaper. I already have the materials to do that, and don't need to buy anything else. I have plenty of CD's and DVD's and some games to play...i don't NEED to buy any more. And since it is my birthday, i should be able to get my mum and sister to buy me a couple of new books to read that i haven't been able to borrow from the library.

I need to stop going to the Fort and buying crap, basically. I seem to have so little self-control at the moment...

I also need to save again. but i think that i need to pay off my credit cards first...

So, i went to help out at the Villa ground. I was shocked at Ms Dynamite's racist remarks about Whites. Oddly enough, these remarks were not reported in the press and since i was there i did not see any television coverage of the event (i don't think it went out live, but felt sure that there woudl have been clips), but i do wonder if those remarks were broadcast...

Still, i turned up and was there in case anyone needed to talk...and the Bish was very funky drumming away!

I was chatting to James, it's frightening how much money i have spent this month...and i still have two weeks to go. I won't hit my target of leaving around 1.5k in my account, it'll be closer to 800. I don't like that. As i've mentioned before, i like a nice grand as my buffer. But then again, i suppose i need the buffer for months like these when i just spend...

It feels like i have nothing to show for spending nearly two grand. But i have bought a chair, and a LOT of paint.

I have my first tutorial tonight. I'm a little scared...

I'm supposed to be helping out with this on Sunday.

I would like to thank my friend James for cheering me up, and my friend Steve for putting up with my blather.

Nearly a month until my next birthday. Not much has changed since last year, although i am a homeowner now!

Still single and still overweight. Christmas did nothing for me, and i tried to by a pair of ski trousers and embrassingly had to by XL men's...i was nearly in tears trying on the women's ones...

On a plus note, i wrote up the first part of TMA02, an analysis of a painting, and discovered that i have 340 words, with a limit of 400, and still have a teeny bit more to write. Excellent. Now i just have to hope that i can do the same for the sonnet essay and the music essay (i started that one last night). Tomorrow i'll write up the sonnet one. And monday i have my first tutorial and should be able to completely finish off TMA01. I like being a few weeks ahead, i think it'll stand me in good stead for being away on holiday/ill or if work gets in the way.

I'm finding it quite hard, i never was one to ramble on...

It seemed very cold at my house last night, so hopefulyl ti might get serviced over the weekend. It definately seems colder upstairs now. Or is it because i hav a cold comng on. I don't know.
After going to the gym last night i tried again to do this critical analysis of the sonnet..and failed...

And today i was told that people have been mentioning that i look at the web too much, fortunately my team lead recognised the fact that whilst it's just me who was reported, i look at it no more than anyone else!

To stop this from being too depressing, he said that he did feel i was the most professional to the clients.

I completely finished working my way through the unit on sonnets, i enjoyed reading them and learning a little more about a form of poetry that i had never been taught before. Now "all" i need to do is write the part of the TMA that relates to sonnets. This is the part that i find hard, but fortunately (unlike with the painting section) i actually quite like the sonnet.

i feel that i finalyl made soem progress in my psych sessions. I hate noise because i am hypersensitive to it after a childhood when i felt that i had to be accutely aware of noise and atmosphere.

I had a rather cold weekend.

It was a hard, bright day in early January.

and my fire broke. It stopped worked, so i upscrewed the plug (thinking that i needed to replce the fuse) and found that part of the plug was burned, as was the live wire. But the 10amp(!) fuse was fine.

I bought a new plug, with a 13 amp fuse. And my Uncle bob (nto really, my uncle) came aroudn to have a look at that and my warm air heater. He took teh filter out, which was filthy with dust, and that made a difference of about 4 degrees in the temperature of the downstairs. I was very pleased.

I also listened to most of "northern lights" on R4, which ended an hour after it was advertised to end! I didn't feel that i really sympathised with any of the characters, so i'm not sure whether i will listen to the subtle knife next week (by far the best of the three)...

I also finished off the first quarterof my first proper tma, and started studying sonnets. Because of the lack of heating i didn't get much studying done on Sunday, so i'm going to work hard and make up for that tonight and wednesday. I want to keep ahead, especialyl since i have this weeks skiing holiday coming up...although i might just use that for reading my set texts. Nothing like getting those firmly entrenched. Or maybe i could buy or borrow a small walkman and take my tapes with me? Still, it will be good to get away.

I also need to think about geting my essays typed up properly. It'll be easier to make changes that way.

At the moment i'm onto sonnets, which i am enjoying more; but i haven't really got into the deep discussions of them yet...we'll see. I suddnely remember how rubbish i truly was at this sort of thing at school, and i how i realyl did earn my appalling as-level grade (d or an e). But this will make up for it. I don't know what i will get, but anything above 40% (which i guess is what d or e is) will make me proud.

I think i also need to buy a wallplanner (or see if mum has one going spare) so that i can mark out quite clearly when my tma's are due in, so that i can plan my work well. I will probably be keeping a lower social profile, but what with trying to do up the house, i think it will be ok.

I'm clearly going to have to update the rest of my site at some point, since i discovered that Chris Lilley no longer has Lou content on his site. I hope that Lou is still making music, i haven't heard anything from her mailing list in about a year... heck i keep trying to update the whole site, but things get in the way...like buying and decorating a house, studying with the OU, attempting to get fit!

In doing some tidying up of adorable, i have discovered that all the main smallkat entries have gone (presumably, i forgot to transfer thenm when i got rid of smallkat). oops; about 3 years worth of entires there, some of them were classics too...oh well.

Happy New year to all my adorable kittens! I spent a quiet New Year by myself. But i sat in the chair i bought from Ikea that i spent 4 hours putting together. I have continued painting and am now getting to the stage where i might need to buy one of those long handled brushes because there are bits on the walls buy the stairs that i just can't reach (and no way am i putting stepladders onto stairs!)

"God is at work in your life - even when you do not recognize it or understand it."

I really don't understand it, but i know that He has a plan.