I've arranged to go to merry hill with Rawk tomorrow, so i guess i will see if he turns that down suddenly. i hope not, as i try and want to be positive and optimisitc about people.

Blondie and Orion have definately split up again. So glad i'm not involved. I think this time it is for good (well a few weeks anyway), and i worry about Blondie so much. But he won't speak to me at all. Far from being civil to me, he actively avoids me in the office. It's very sad. And i hate seeing him in so much pain.

He worried me the other week by texting me that he had lost everything and was going away, and i wouldn't see him again.... he is okish now. Working away from home, which maybe for the best.

And ironically enough, when that happened and Orion posts that he is out of money, then i get a text from Orion asking me how i am. I didn't fall into the trap of saying lets go out, because as well i know, that way lies misery and i am done with it.

I will be there as a friend, but right now i don't think it would be wise to go out of my way to see him.

There are other, nicer and more stable people i could see.

I am, as always, so greatful that i found CCR. If i really wanted, i could do something with them almost every night and they are an amazing bunch of people.

I'm also glad that through a friend's BF i met a new friend... hmm he needs a nickname... Rawk i think. We are the same age and have diverging interests.

But again, i get the thing that i had with Orion where he says oh yes i'll do something, definately, sure sure... and then a few hours before we are due to do it, he cries off.

I'm sure it's different, but it feels the same...

I wish i could get things sorted. It's dragging me down. After a good CCR birthday, i met Orion in the gale who was completely wasted and getting off with some random bloke. LAter he told me his stalker was outside (ie Blondie).

Eventually i left and bumped into Blondie outside who looked very pissed off. Orion had phoned him to get a lift home.

Later that week i had a long chat with Blondie who said that that night he had had a good talk with Orion and that they had got things sorted. Unfortunately as Orion was completely wasted, he forgot that that happened.