I did quite a bit of driving this weekend, but i ended up buying a trangia style cookset from Blacks, and some fuel called greenheat. This is an eco-friendly fuel made from by-products of sugar cane. Whilst the idea of a gas twin burner was tempting, i was uneasy about using even more non-renewable energy. The trangia uses meths, which is more environmentally friendly. However, i was a bit scared of maths, so i googled for alternative fuels and found greenheat. Each pack comes with two cans of a gloopy greengel. The can is supposed to fit in the tangia where the burner normally goes, but the eurohike trangia knock-off is a little smaller, so the can didn't fit. I poured the gel into the burner instead and this worked well. The first go, it lit for a short while but then went out. Perhaps i had filled it too much? The second go, there was a definate pop sound, and the gel light. You can't see the light, but you can feel the heat. I put a tin of beans, sausages, potatoes etc in a pan and left to heat. It didn't take that long to heat through and have a warm meal for me! The actual food wasn't that great, so i won't be doing those for breakfast at gorsley.

I'm going to experiment over the next few weeks, so that when i'm actually there i am confident that i can feed myself! I'm planning on cooking pasta, maybe a lentil curry, some minced beef stew affair, and more pasta! I'll throw in a couple pf pastansauce's and some dried rice meals for snacks. tins are heavy, but i'm coming in the car, and of course they won't be there on the way back.

I made a start on tma05 part one, a little under half way through, and a plan for the rest of it. Part two is one of the longest essays i've had to do through the OU. I can't get myself motivated at all to write. I have around 31 days, although several of those are going to by Gorsley days, so i do need to get started with this. I am again instituting my 100 words a day rule, so that I can do it at a steady pace, but i'm still finding it hard. Maybe i need a break from OU? That said, i will get a few months break over christmas, maybe that will be enough?

Had to fork out for car tax on Saturday, but i've now added that to my monthly saver, so next January, there will be no big shock. So again, i now have left my credit card, and future spends on mots and fixing the car. That said i do have to pay 55 quid for Gorsley...

There is a little bit of expenditure for my camping adventures, but once i have most of the stuff, thats it. Just refueling and more food. I wouldn't mind a tent with a little porch, so i could have somewhere to sit and do stuff when it rains, but thats way off (plus would i even be able to put it up?)

I'm now just 25p away from getting my yougov 50 quid! There is a good chance that i might be able to buy a new bike next month!

Thank you Steve for your comments about camping! I used to love camping as a child. I went from the ages for 11 to 19 with GB or BB, some in church halls, but most in those big bluey green big canvas affairs. A big marquee tent for meals and a cookhouse and QM stores. Flags and reveille. They were happy days!

I am completely intrigued by Steve's plan. I hate the fact that i have to commute so far to work. Car sharing is a good idea, although in my case it didn't work out (for which i am kind of glad as the constant swearing was really getting to me), but i would do it again if it was possible.

I think Steve is right about Haven, i think i would go crazy from the noise! I am planning on going to Gorsley, which would at least give me things to do, although last year i didn't agree with the viewpoints/opinions/dogma of some of the speakers. The thing about holidaying alone is that you need stuff to do. At least, i do. I live alone, so i'm comfortable about being by myself, but it's also not a break for me.

I like walking, and prefer to do it by myself as i usually lag far behind most people. Maybe i should find somewhere that has some nice easy walks and try it out. Of course i do have the cat to think about. Anyone fancy cat sitting? All you have to do is feed and scratch behind ears!

I want to live in a more environmentally friendly way. I recycle, i would say, 98% of the paper i receive. And this is despite my recycling bag being constantly stolen. I want to try and do plastics next, although i know that this is more difficult as some places don't take them.

Back to Lichfield. I'm off to my favourite restaurant - the Creperie- tonight with Mel from the OU. I've not seen her in such a long time!

I've been looking on the uk campsite website - there is a meet for solo campers! I am quite tempted by that. Apparently it could be a fiver a night for a small two man dome (which mine is), so a tenner - plus food and drinks wouldn't be bad at all. I think i'm going to jacksons tomorrow, and look into stoves. If i go to Gorsley i'll have plenty of back up from Lindsay et al, so this could be a way to look into going it alone.

Last night i decided to pitch my tent for the first time. It didn't take long, up and down in an hour - so now that i know what to do i should be an awful lot quicker! I couldn't do the guys though, as my garden isn't big enough. The tent itself is a two man tent, although i don't know how big these alleged two men are supposed to be! One person and her stuff is about all it's big enough for! It felt quite cosy...

I need to get started on tma05. This hot weather has left me feeling very lazy, and i've done no studying at all. I know i have over a month, and many spare weekends for longer writing and typing, but i could do with it.

I feel like buying a vw camper van and running away. I realise that a holiday is out this year, but i think i may join the camping and caravanning club, and try and go somewhere next year. I saw a link to Haven sites, and for around 15 quid a night i can get a pitch, with access to toilet an shower block!

I've been looking at my nectar points, and i have enough for 20 quid at Argos, so i could buy a lantern and a mess kit.

I need a holiday. I know i should be paying off my credit card, but i seriously need to get away from home. I'm looking at language and dance holidays, which seem like fun. Language in the morning, and dancing in the afternoon/evening. Or something. I think i'm going to start a new ing pot for a holiday fund. What i'm doing is surviving, not living. After all, i am now coming to the conclusion that it is now unlikely that i will have a boyfriend again, and i will certainly never have anyone want to marry me. And of course, i won't be having children because of this. Therefore, i need to do something other than get up, go to work, go home and go to sleep. Studying is ok, but when you distance learn, it's all at home!

most singles holidays seem to be around the 400+ mark, which is almost as much as i owe on my credit card... That said, if i am good next month, i could try and put all of my standby money onto it. That would bring it down by nearly a half.

My hope for going to Gorsley i think it pretty much down. I have a lot of camping equipment to buy, and it's not much cheaper on ebay to be honest, plus the cost of the weekend pass. I may still save up for the camping equipment, since things like a stove and pots, once i have them then i dont need to spend again!

Ok own up - who is in NY? I am very jealous of you if you are.

The previous person to make a comment i still think is wrong. Yesterday i ate a baguette and chips instead of a jacket potato, and my weight dropped. Still if it works, i'll do it.

I'm not looking forward to Salsa in this heat...

I was so good during my week off work. I made a batch of sandwiches, and after they defrosted each day, i pu in a little mayo and some cress. Lovely. Unfortunately Saturday and Sunday it all went wrong, and the few pounds i had lost of the week, i put on and then some in just two days. I'm now at my heaviest ever. Yesterday i was good, but my weight still went up. I'm going to have to do something drastic.

I think i'm generally just feeling a bit down as i was supposed to be debt free by now, but it's gone up again to over 400 quid, and looks like i won't be able to pay it off until November.

Went to Salsa again last night. They are going too slow for me. We covered all of the steps we did last week, I need more! I'm looking round for other Salsa classes. There is one in Sutton on a Monday night, so i could go and check at the beginners at that one and have an eyeball at the improvers.

Through work ive got a free 5 day pass for fitness first in Cov. It's for next week, which i have off work, so this is brilliant timing. It's nowhere near me, but as i'm off work this doesn't matter so much. I can go every working day next week, which has to be good for me! I can do balance classes again; hurrah!

What i'd like to know is why on the days when i have a jacket and beans for lunch my weight goes up, when i have a baguette and chips my weight goes down! I'm sure it can't last though...

Off to the BM tomorrow. A very early start, and i just hope that there is no traffic so i can hit the Capital for 9, or 9:30 at the very latest. I bought bread, chicken and spread yesterday, so i'm sandwich making tonight. I've got a banana, and a bottle of water.

I know i don't have much money (need to budget tonight), but i think i'm going to do a SPICE event. I need to get out and meet people and LIVE.

Put even more weight on over the weekend, so lets gloss over that.

I've typed up, and biblioed everything that i've written so far, and i have around 200 words left and not much more to do. I am certain to do it in good time. In fact i may type it straight into word tonight. That will leave me a couple of days for editing, which is about right.

The wedding was good, so nice to see people i've not seen in about a year!

Grandma was ok.

Blah blah.

I am looking forward to the visit to the BM this Saturday. I cannot believe how quickly it came round. I'm aiming to get to London for 9, leaving me an hour to make it to the BM. This should be sufficient and have a little time built in in case the coach hits traffic. It's only three stops on the tube, plus a short walk - so i think i should be ok. IF it's not, well it's not.

Blah Blah.

I was walking from the car park to my car this morning, and i realised that i regret just about everything in my entire life. If i had the chance to do everything over, i wouldn't do the same things again. I feel as if i have wasted my life, and now it's going nowhere. All i have ever wanted was to be married with a family, and that possibility is basically gone now. I live quite a lonely life, with all of my friends married with children. I struggle with money, and my house is in such a state that i couldn't sell it.

Where do i go from here? The only thing i like is studying Classics, but i have to pay the bills! There are so many things i want to do, like study Japanese (again), but can't because of my job, or...or...i'm filled with fear, too scared to push on the things i do want because of worries about financial security