I need to put away around 66 pounds a month. It's quite a lot really.
I feel i should do something for new year...i hate being single.
Mind you, i am tired. I think i might make it that Sunday i do nothing. I do a cooked breakfast in the morning, watch a film or dvd or something, have a mini roast for Lea (not quite Lunch and not quite Tea), and REST.
I decided to buy myself a new toy. Well, and ex-display DHD4000, a thomson freeview HD recorder. As it's ex-display it doesn't come with a manual (got it off the net through), nor a remote (although the remote for my ferguson freeview box does most things apart from fast forward and rewind), and a power lead (i hope that the power lead from my old freeview box is ok). I have orded off ebay a universal thomson remote, which should have the missing bits on it. If it doesn't, i haven't lost too much and will have to pay more for an original remote.
I only got it Wednesday, but so far I am loving it. It's a twin tuner, which means I can record two things at once. Hurrah! Now i just need to get out there and do things.
I flicked through Jans spice newsletter and have bookmarked a couple of events.
Mind you, buying the dvr, which was 100 quid, did go straight onto the one credit card I had just cleared. I also have a car service/mot next weekend which will no doubt go onto that and start my debts up again. The dvr i can pay off. I have money which was intended specifically for buying me new toys (and i've spent a year lusting after a DVR!), but car fund is nil and is always several hundred.
I'm a bit blue because it's another new year on my own. As i'm single, i don't get invited to the parties - i'm really made to feel like i am not wanted. So i guess i will buy a bottle of bubbly and celebrate myself. I guess i could sit down and think about my finances, and how i can properly budget for car repairs.
It was a good course, and i really hope to get a lot of use out of it. I've downloaded from microsoft the vb.net visual studio express, and the web developer express too. I just need to practice now!
I studied with Learning Tree. Rigth next to Euston Station, but i think i would rather have been in Birmingham, and gone home to my own bed every night! But i am not going to gripe, as it was a training course.
The good news is though, i passed A209! I am thrilled. I got a Grade 2, and i think i was bumped up a grade, as according to the marks it should have been a grade 3. It was a tough exam though, and i think that marks can just be a guide. If everyone did less well, then i guess the marks are on a curve.
But who cares! I passed! I cannot wait for Christmas to get the books for my next course, and get stuck in. Remind me in 4 months that i wrote that!
I've been looking a few years ahead at the Masters course, and i'm beginning to think it might be beyond me. Still, i could always do the foundation masters and see.
I feel tired and achey too, and cannot concentrate on anything.
I did some shopping on Sunday as i needed a smart top for an evening out with mel and joolz this coming Saturday. I went to the Asda at Tamworth instead of Minworth and found a nice purple top. I tried their restaurant and i felt that the food and service were better than minworths.
I have a telephone tutorial tonight. I have about 10 or so more words to write on my TMA. I am finding it a struggle, as with being ill i just tend to flop at night. And at weekends too.
Last night i decided that it would be a nice idea to have some kind of gathering at my house christmas eve, but given how i am feeling i'm not sure i have the energy! Also, i'm not sure who would come.
I wanted to go around the german market in birmingham with someone, but i ended up going on my own, Which wasn't completely bad. I enjoyed some gluhwein and german sausage, bought Marcus and OJ their christmas presents. I also decided to go to the "Love revealed" exhibition at the Art Gallery. It's certainly an extensive exhibition, with some really nice pictures. Best of all, when i went there i only had two tenners on me, and no change. The attendant said he was waiting for his supervisor to come back with change. He paused, adn then printed me off a complimentary ticket and said i could go in for free!
I have caved in and i'm going to the doctors tomorrow. I have been struggling with cold cough for about 6 weeks now, with not much improvement. Today my cough is worse and my chest feels a bit tight. I suspect that there is nothing the doctor can do, but breathing would be good.
Trouble is, everyone i know is married or in a relationship, so weekends are spent with their partners.
I hate my life so much.
I managed to get Mum her Christmas present, so i "just" need to wrap that. My attempts at wrapping usuaing involved me getting completed tied up in sticky tape and trying to patch bits of wrapping paper together. Still, it gives me something useful to do with my hands.
After my telephone tutorial on Saturday, i have to rethink part of my TMA to include a model on change - but as it doesn't need to be in until December (although i will have to send it before then as i am away on a course) I am still miles ahead.
I just have to hope that somewhere out there there is a job for me.
I have a freezer full of tasty home made food, but when i get home i just don't feel like it. I have stocked up on some soups, as that usualyl goes down well with me.
I hate feeling ill.
I cannot wait til April. I guess the money that goes on credit cards could go part way towards car bills, and maybe part towards a holiday. After all, i haven't had a holiday since 1999! I think. Not a proper holiday anyway. A couple of weekends away, but i would love to be normal. SAdly that isn't going to happen. I mean a normal holiday with a boyfriend and you go somewhere hot and sunny for a week...i don't know.
I don't have any OU Fees for this month or December, so that goes straight for christmas presents. Which is good, because it means i'm not struggling. I am slowly, so very slowly getting my life sorted.
I still feel rather knocked for six. Tired. I haven't done anything for the past few weekends because of feeling ill, but i feel i shoudl go out and do something. Get some culture maybe.
I think i'm also going to have to do something with this website. The link between blogger and my hosting company - well there is something wrong. I think it's the hosting company set up. So i'm going to have to either try and find another hosting company, or use space provided by my isp, or something else. Don't worry i'll keep you posted as to where i go.
I'll probably get rid of a load of the rubbish that is on this site, but is not me anymore.
I thinjk i also started getting ill on the Friday, and Saturday and Sunday i just flopped about. I know i had a fever, and i didn't go itno work on Monday. I went in Tuesday but i felt like a piece of cooked spaghetti so went home and just lay on my sofa all afternoon.
Fortunately now i am feeling much better, and have energy again!
He was a nice enough guy, and i knew him through the joint choral soc between my school and the boys school.
I am absolutely devasted to find out that someone with his name (which is a very rare name) died in 2001. There is the very strong possibilty that it was him as he was described as being musical, which fits in exactly with him.
Although it was so long ago, it just seems so sad.
Thank you for your kind words, i am so fed up. I want to move on, so i have a decision to make., Either stay where i am and find a different role, or leave the company. The pay is ok here, but it is unlikely that i will get promoted in the role i am in now.
Then i need to do the ST's and pick something out of the off-prints. Then Thuc. I'm going to leave him til last as he just doesn't stick in my memory, so the closer i do him to the exam the better.
When i started the course i wanted a pass 2, but i shall now be satisfied with a pass!
I've not opened a book at all.
I haven't really enjoyed this course, and just want to pass.
In avoiding revision i have become a fan of itv 3. It has some quality dramas like poirot, sherlock holmes, jeeves and wooster, and campion.
Tonight i have to do some revision, i really must. But i cannot face reading Thuc. I hate it so much, and nothing goes in. Maybe i should tell myself to forget him, and concentrate on other things that i like a little better.
I should read the plays tonight.
I forgot to mention that i joined a choir. It was the sutton one that i mentioned before. The people are very friendly. So far we have done mainly things that I know, and of course coming up to christmas there will definately be songs that i am familliar with.
I have also signed up for a short guitar course. I am hoping that it is going to go ahead, because the teacher phoned me and said that a lot of people who had shown an interest had pulled out. This is a pity but when he has hired a hall, he has to have a certain number of people to pay for it.
I did have a big shock regarding someone that i have never mentioned before. At least i don't think so. That's because it is difficult for me to talk about, but i guess i should. Maybe
Anyway i bumped into this guy. I have seen him around a few times before and we got chatting. He seemed nice enough, and i began to think that maybe my prayers were answered.
Then he made a racist remark. And that was that. A woman passed by looking for the toilet, he went to show her and i legged it.
Yes, i know, but the legging it was more down to the person i have never talked about before. Although once someone makes a racist remark i just can't stay in the same place as them any longer.
Back to begin again about the person. It happen several years ago. I was in oasis and there was this guy that i really liked called Neil. He was so nice and we had so much in common and we talked for hours. Neil was sharing an apartment with several other people, one of whom is my good friend Andy and another was this person.
Anyway, i think i wrote about how Neil came to nothingm but i saw the other person again at a spice disco. He was going around trying to cop off with as many people as possible. I remember going into the Ladies and he followed me in and tried it on. It sounds like nothing to most people, but it really shocked and upset me, and has affected me ever since. I'm not the kind of person that guys come on to, and anyway, following someone ito the Ladies is not a normal thing. I made a complaint, and i understand that person did reply to my complaint but the guy who runs the group said that he didn't want me to read it. I can probably imagine why.
I saw him around for a while, and i did try to explain to my friends at the time, but i don't think anyone ever really understood. And i suppose it does sound like nothing, but when you remember that i have been single for 8 years being followed into a Ladies toilet and have someone impose himself on you is quite threatening.
If this was the movies i would soon have found myself a lovely boyfriend who would show me that not all blokes are quite so forceful. But this is real life.
I'm looking into TEFL salaries and it would be less than half of what i am on now. So i wouldn't be able to afford my mortagage anymore.
It all boils down to money in the end. I am beginning to think i should work a lot harder on the house, try and sell it for 30k more thani paid for it, and then get a house for 50k or so and have a much smaller mortgage.
Money is always a problem with me. I like to spend it. I must be better this month though, as i did dip into my overdraft. I spent too much on eating out. This month i have bought a birthday present for my sister. I would like to go out and do something with spice, but that would be another 20 quid.
One thing i am going to do is join a choir. THe first rehearsal is next Tuesday.
Then i started looking at survival kits. Well, i don't need a flood kit as i live in birmingham. There is a river, and i have checked on the environment agency map, if there was an extreme flood it might reach my house, but a general survival kit is a thought. Looking at kits there are some interesting things i had not thought of such as a pack of cards (for entertainment) and tobacco (for possible use in trading)
Not that i am paranoid or anything.
After my bid to depress myself i googling for some of my school friends. I have out that Abbie is now a senior fellow in onocology. Good for her! And i found an email address for a nicola. It was for an art therapist in Sheffield. Well, the Nicola that i knew studied in Sheffield and was arty but was going to be an architect. But it just seemed right. So i emailed and it was her! How fantastic! There was a large crowd of us in school, but when we went to uni and with the death of one of us, another girl named nicola there just seemed to be a change...
I didn't find any, but did find this . A page about the youngest brother of my first boyfriend.
Well im up to two solves, so i need to do one tonight. Or more possibly.
I may even find out tomorrow that in fact those who are not at a certain stage won't be eligible to take part...
I'm rather sad it's coming to an end.
I got my first set of cards for PerplexCity last night. It's more vibrant and alive than the stone. Unlike the stone though, the answers to the puzzles are easy to find as people share them out. So i don't know how the prize is going to work.
I just mess everything up.
I have decided that instead of doing an OU course over the winter period, I am going to go for a TEFL qualification. Not one of the well known ones, as it requires that i either have 4 weeks off work (not possible) or i travell to london and get there for 6:30 twice a week, which i don't think is possible.
I put on 4lbs this week, which is really soul destroying as it took me three weeks to lose that amount. Instead of being good i then just started eating. Once you start eating junk food, it's hard to stop again.
I have ordered a carpet for my room, and when that comes I can move the tallboy from downstairs and move some of the furniture from my scond bedroom. With the furniture out of the way I can start decorating that room.
I have cancelled my gym membership and I can going to try and pay off my debts sooner. An extra 50 quid a month wil mean i can pay off my cap 1 this year and the rest by the middle of next year.
I hate being so reliant on having a car.
I am still in a lot of pain because of my back. I have no idea how i am going to manage the drive to Saffron Walden on Saturday. Just have to take lots of painkillers
I lost 2lbs this week, which is a bit disappointing as it means i've put on 1.5 since Saturday. I think i know where i went wrong though (hot chocolate drinks from the machine at work), so i have bought a jar of options instead. Not so tasty, but that's probably why i put on weight because the tasty ones are full of fat and sugar!
I wish i knew. I've thought about teaching, especially Early Years, but i would need to save up in order to support myself through year of my PGCE. Or possibly finish doing my house up (more money) and get myself a lodger.
Some time i thought about joining the civil service, but moving house, whilst my house is still in this state is way out of my comfort zone. Plus i have now taken on Charlie.
I am full of excuses.
I looked into doing TEFL, but i really need to take 4 weeks out of work, or spend a 4 months travelling to oxford twice a week (a possibility). But what if i don't like either of those?
I wish i was one of those people that knew aged 13 what they wanted to do with their lives.
I am such a terrible human being.
I think it's because i'm told that my company is the kind of company that people aspire to work at that i am so afraid to leave.
Just 2 and three quarter hours til hometime.
Saturday, i did have my plans, but i had to wait until 2:30 to go to the optician. I pottered about and cooked a lentil curry. I did go an weigh myself, and between last Saturdays weigh-in and Saturday i had lost 4 pounds. This is good.
Or it would have been until Sunday, when after having a decent breakfast i splurged and had a yorkshire pudding for lnch and popcorn and chocolate for tea. But i figure that one bad is going to make me put on 4 pounds. (Or 3.5 as when i did my SW weigh in on wEds i was half a pound less).
So i am going to try and eat well now.
Sunday i went to Joolz' flat because she was kitten sitting! Such a cute tiny black and white kitten, abuot 6 weeks old and still wanting the warmth and comfort of his mum (or her mum the vet apparently wasn't sure).
I am really beginning to not enjoy what i am doing, and seriously thinking about a change. Trouble is with a house, change is an expense i can't afford.
Things i would like to do are get TEFL certified - but this requires 4 weeks off work. 4 weeks in one go. I wouldn't mind forfeiting my holiday if i coudl do it over a year, but i can't. The other option is to do a cheapy weekend course, but i doubt whether it would be of any use to me.
Damn mortgage.
I wish i could win 25k, then use that as a lump sum and remortage over the same period but a lesser sum.
There are some part-time options, but nothing local. The closest is in Oxford, i guess it's something to think about. It would also mean putting my classics studies on hold. Maybe that's not so bad.
I feel absolutely starving today. Also tired and low in energy.
I have rung up fresh start to hopefully get someone to quote me on putting some skirting boards in my kitchen, a socket in my hallway and a shelf put inside a funny cupboard.
I'm going to get these things done in dribs and drabs and slowly get things ticked off.
I'm close to changing my mind again about having my bedroom floor sanded. Carpet would be so much snugglier under foot, and in this neck of the woods, it is what people expect.
I have decided to join the Birmingham Hospitals Saturday fund. I probably get less back for my dental treatment, but i will get more for eyes. That said, lately i haven't been needed more than an exam and a scale and polish at the dentist.
My eye is still hurting. I have managed to get an opticians appointment tomorrow. It's at 2:30, which rather puts paid to my plans of going into birmingham. Oh well.
Day two of slimming world. Yesterday was a killer. I felt faint and dizzy in parts as i am so used to pushing my blood sugar through thr roof with crisps and chocolate. I did a whole day without. Yey for me! Today is easier. I am hungry, but not dizzy.
This week my back is playing up, and i don't think that sudden twists and turns would be good.
I am trying not to get too worried about the second set of london bombings. I keep reminding myself that i'm a brummie and i am safe...
Friday i didn't do much. Thursday i set off at 8am and drove to Oxford.
I went on the Oxford Express. Although it didn't have the advertised DVD player it was a comfortable enough trip down right into the heart of London.
Now, i should point out that the night before i realised that i had lost my mini london a-z, so although i knew where to go on the tube, i hadn't the foggiest once i got off. There were signposts, but they were no help. However, there were people around who very kindly pointed me in the right direction, and a community policeman who gave me a final shove (not literally) the right way down a road.
I really enjoyed my time in the Museum, so much to see!
I am trying not to be despondant and remind myself that i am a nice person and that it is possible for people to get married for the first time who are not in the their twenties.
I liked him a lot, but never felt like i could tell him about all the
bad things that have happened. Maybe that's a sign.
I am part way through tma05. A bit of a struggle as i am not 100%
certain that i am answering the question. But i am now going to see this
through.
I had Monday off work, and now have a door on my study, and a cat
flap! Charlie ran off in fear Monday evening, so Tuesday i draped it in
ham, and offered him tasty treats. He wasn't interested. So instead i
strung the flap open and eventually curiousity overcame him and he stuck
his nose through the flap and jumped out. I left it open all night and i
think he must have gone in and out. I woke around 4 and realised that he
wasn't on my bed, so went downstairs expecting to see him outside unable
to get in, but he was just sitting around in the dining area (not that i
have a dining table...) and jumped outside through the flap again.
I have left it open today, so that he gets used to it, and then i'm
going to try it with the flap down. I don't think he likes the flapping
noise.
Ceroc was good last night, one new move and some practice of some older moves. I felt that it was quite easy, and one of the taxi dancers said i really should go into the intermediate class next week. I definately will as i am eager to learn some new moves! I made a friend too. A guy on his first night there called Wayne. Sadly Kat fans, he has a GF, but he was a really nice guy and it's nice to have someone to chat to, closer to my age.
I stayed even later than normal and as a consequence didn't get to bed til nearly midnight. I am really stuggling today, i can see that i need to get a lot of sleep to catch up.
Tonight it's Ceroc, so no studying apart from reading Offprints. These are very long academic articles. Some of which are interesting, a lot of which include chunks of greek which i don't understand. Oh well.
Charlie is outside today, i hope he will be OK. I cannot wait until Monday when the cat flap can be fitted. Then all i have to do is teach him how to use it!
As my new contacts have come through and i have to pay 90 quid for them, this is very worrying. With that 150 quid it wouldn't have been a problem, as i was expecting the contacts and have nicely budgeted for them. Without that 150 quid it all goes to pot.
I did some research and planning for tma05 - i quite literally have no clues about Athenian wealth, so i am going to do 300 words of made up rubbish and hope that this weekends tutorial will enlighten me.
I don't feel so good. I am not getting enough sleep, and it's taking it's toll. I have to start my tma05 essay plan tonight, read some off-prints and get to bed before 10:30. I have decided.
Saturday i was out with Joolz. i wanted an evening out, but she wasn't interested. So we went into Solihull during the day instead.
The gym confirmed that they can't get my refund done any sooner, so i am just hoping that on the 15th, it will be there in my account. So frustrating.
Going through my email at work, i just found a comment from a reader about cat food. Sorry to have not found it sooner. It was about getting Charlie dry food instead of wet. It is defiantely a thought. He does eat dry (as an ocassional treat as the normal stuff is energy dense), and particularly now it's getting warmer, i am not happy with leving wet food down all day for him. I know you can buy "light" dry food, so i think i might start swopping him over to it. The water that he would need to drink in addition would be good for him, i know he doesn't drink it normally. I bet you he would still wake me up though! His favourite treat is ham. I bought a big packet of the wafer thin stuff, two loaves of bread and made sandwiches. I was left with 3 slices which Charlie went mad for. As soon as he can smel it, he is up on his hind legs and battling and the kitchen work surface with one of his front paws. He just woofs the slices down, and then is desperate for more.
He did go off outside by himself last night. He come upstairs around midnight, and when i woke up at 3 he had gone again. I found him outside being king of the castle. I beckoned to him, and he bounded inside. I cannnot wait for the cat flap to be fitted next Monday. He's quite a lazy cat, so i bet he won't go outside during the day, but it would be good for him at night.
I have a little bit of money left in my old Nationwide account, i think that this might cover the cat flap. I then have around 100 pounds to find, as i am going to assume that this money doesn't get returned to me. Well, as i have to pick up my studies again (i started last night and it was hard because it was so dull), i am not going to spend any money going out for food. For a pound i can buy a frozen yorkshire pud with beef and gravy as a sunday lunch treat.
This missing money has really put a downer on me, as i just remembered i was going to go to the OU open day in a couple of weeks.
I stayed a little bit later than last week, but it meant that i didn't hit the hay until very nearly midnight.
I caught up with my OU tv programmes last night, and i think i'm going to devote the next two weekends to mammoth TMA writing. It should be possible, not least because i have to produce for the exam two answers equivalent to two tmas in 3 hours.
If i make it to Ceroc, i won't do anything tonight. Thursday and Friday i will get back at the book to refresh myself before i start the TMA. I am finding it such hard going though. I love learning about pots, but wars and politics are just not interesting me at all.
Saturday i went into Birmingham to get some dance sneakers. They were around 45 pounds, which is a lot of money really. I just hope that when i wear them tomorrow they dont hurt after dancing! It's one thing to try them on in a shop and do a few spin turns, quite another to wear them and use them!
Sunday Mel came over with her partner Neil and her dad to visit Charlie. Charlie unfortunately ran upstairs and hid! She did seem him later when he was sitting down in my study, and she said that he seems very happy here. I hope that that is true.
As Uncle Des bought Mel and Neil over it meant that i could get to grandmas earlier and help her with her shopping. When i got there i had an afternoon full of moaning. Moaning because i had come early. Moaning because the neighbours were on holiday. Apparently she has even been moaning to mum that she hadn't heard from me in a while (May has been a v busy month). One wonders why mum makes very brief visits, and why I haven't made more of an effort...
Monday i was just lazy.
I got 72 for my last TMA, which means i'm going to have to start studying again. I'm not really in the mood for it now...
I was annoyed again, but then remember if i go to the intermediate class, i still go to the beginner class!
I am off to see Nerina tonight at the Glee Club. It's an easy trip into town, but i could have done with a day between Ceroc and Nerina as it means there is simply no time for me to cook. There wasn't time last night and i was lucky in that i could rely on a frozen pasta sauce that i had made a few weeks ago. Tonight it's going to have to be frozen convenience food, as i had completely forgotten Nerina (??) and had planned on cooking my second installment of fish curry.
Yesterday i phoned Grandma and told her that i was going to come up for Sunday lunch, completely forgetting that Mel is going to come and visit Charlie. Hopefully i will be able to go after Mel's visit, although it means i can't take Grandma to the shops.
Back to Ceroc. Von and her daughter ashley go to this class (i know Von vaguely through spice and know that she lives in Sutton). Ashley advised me that the best place to look for dance sneakers was either on smallbrook queensway, or the hungry horse. So Saturday i am going to try both. The shoes are expensive, but my feet hurt after dancing, so it is money well spent.
I wish you could look inside someone and know how they are going to react to things.
What i wouldn't give to be able to run away to spain...
I look forward to going to Ceroc, and going home and stroking my cat.
My back had a spasm almost first thing at work this morning, so i'm in a fair amount of pain too.
Oh when i was off on Friday someone from Severn Trent came around to look at getting a water meter fitted. No Dice. Nowhere to fit one. However, the will adjust my bill so that it is about 70 quid less, which is a good saving. However, i reckon that with a meter i could have reduced it evern further. Still, if i can't then i can't.
I am on call and working tonight. I don't mind,it's all extra money..
I set off around 7:30 and stopped at Warwick services at 8 for a stretch and some breakfast. The breakfasts in the restaurant were quite a rip off. Huge meals for 7 and 8 pounds, and nothing much smaller (at least nothing on the price board). So i went to the coffee shop at the services where they did a panini and the largest mug of tea i have ever seen. That was precisley what i needed. I set off again at around 8:30 and made good time, arriving at the park and ride around 9:17am. Pretty good value for money at 2:50 for both parking and a return bus trip. I got off and walked around in a circle before finding the ashmolean. There was a dearth of OU students, and i got a bit worried until a young lad (about 18 or 19) was randonly going around asking people if they were with the OU. So i piped up. He was nice enough, and about 10 minutes after we had been asked to meet, the two tutors and 4 other students turned up. We split into groups to look at the pottery, so i was with the young lad. It was a really good experience to see these pots so close up. Normally you see them only as pictures in books.
We then all went off to the cast gallery, to look at various casts. We went round in one large group as there were so few of us. And when we were there i saw Thom Yorke from radiohead! He was sketching with his son, and spending a quiet rainy Saturday.
As it was really to rainy and cold to spend the afternoon taking snaps i went back to birmingham and met lindsay and marcus the fort jester. Marcus was in the wacky warehouse and lindsay and i had a drink, nachos and caught up.
The mixed news was that Joolz phoned me last night to say that one of our uni friends died. It was such a shock. Apparently she had an accident and hurt her back, and as a result of this had a DVT. It's really making me reevaluate my life.
I went to Tescos and stocked up on soup and lemsip, then went straight home.
I wasn't feeling too good, and as i ate my tea it was a real struggle. But it was pasta with tomatoes, carrots, mushrooms, onions and garlic, so i felt that i should eat it as all of those are realyl good for me. I sliced some corned beef on top for a treat, but even that was a struggle.
I felt a bit better this morning, but feel very cold (possibly this is the air conditioning in the office). Hopefully by resting yesterday and resting today i shoudl be fit for Ceroc on Wednesday.
I'm giving even more thought to giving up this course.
13:39 - i am still not feeling right.
Mind you, this is just a cold. I was really shocked to hear about Kylie on the news this morning. It sounds like it is really early though, so that is good news.
Honestly, what do i have to moan about...
It was beautiful. Before 9am i was out in my back garden. I got my picnic blanket out of the garage and spread it on the ground. I went back into the hosue to get something and by the time i had got that and reached the back door to go out i spotted Charlie lying on the blanket catching some rays! I took some photos of him, but everytime he heard the camera click he would move! O well.
I had lunch outside at the creperie which was yummy. Sunshine, carrot in vinegrette and a complet. Nothing could be better.
Both Saturday and Sunday i felt tired by 3pm. I think i am running on empty and need sleep. I don't get lie ins because of the cat now...
I am getting quite close to quitting my OU course. I am not enjoying it at all. Why am i doing it. For fun, surely. This isn't fun, and although i've done courses before and found them tough, this is different.
I was supposed to be going to combat tonight, but i feel cold and shivery....that is a shame as i love combat.
All i actually feel like doing is going and having a lemsip and curling up in bed.
My first Ceroc session was god fun. Quite tiring, and it made me very dizzy!
I left early at 10 as the cat didn't want to come in and i knew that after 2.5 hours of being outside he would be hungry. Next time i hope to stay for longer.
It was all a bit confusing at first
Tonight i am going to go for it and do Ceroc.
Damn - 6:10 and i'm still at work - and i know how to check into work every 30 minutes as the team who are on 24 hour support will no longer support the US.
Oh well. I have decided to start a new life. I have brought no money with me to work, but have brought snack a jacks, muller lights and bananas. I had one last binge yesterday (partly due to it being Marcus' birthday) and that's that.
I am going to go to Combat tonight (in place of balance) and then try and switch to a balance class on a Friday. Then with skipping on Thursday and circuits when i am free on Saturdays i think i am doing a fair bit. I'm then thinking about taking up ceroc on Wednesdays. The only thing that is really putting me off is... i don't know what to wear.
I want to own a cat, but that isn't going to happen until I
buy a house. Which will entail a
move to Brum, since i want to go back there.
I wanted to be debt-free by the end of this year, but with dads death it is extremely unlikely.
I want to go out and socialise, even if it is alone.
I want to do some exercise: roll on September and that Yoga course!
Well, i have a cat, i am in Brum and i have i house.
I still havbe to be debt free.
I do need to socialise
I do exercise, but now need to stop eating...
The new DD for holmes place went through, so as soon as the DD for my savings account is set up, some of that will go into my car fund (for service, tax, mot, etc) and i think some will get chucked debts.
MY abbey card will be paid off in July. My MBNA won't be though, i will still have a couple of hundred on there. I think towards the end of this month i will look at getting another o% card, transfering the remainder of mbna and some from cap one. To date, my debt free day is september 2006. I want to bring that foward. I should be able to make some serious inroads. I keep think about the fact that i will have nearly 150 "extra" pounds when this is all paid off. I ahev already earmarked that as possibly going towards a car. My current one, whilst not old, has done a lot of miles and will need to be replaced soon.
Compared with the pear tree for the same price we had a main crepe with a bowl of salad each and a dessert crepe and a drink, with good service... well i know which i will be going back to. No wonder the pear tree is always full, the food is good and wholesome and tasty and reasonably priced. Children are welcome, but unlike pizza hut they aren't over-stimulated and stressed. They are in a calm, almost family-like environment.
I am trying to do something every day to meet someone.
I bought bread last night and have made so many sandwiches! This is even easier than the pasta i used to do. Now what i need to do is throw some fruit and veg into the mix and i am doing pretty well.
Now if i could stop eating the crisps and chocolate i would be sorted.
I'm going to do another fish curry for tea, with two portions to throw into the freezer. Lentils tomorrow, and probably chinese on Friday. Saturday i have a tutorial so i think that tasty pasta will be nice to come home to.
<>PIn another money saving drive on Freecycle birmingham someone was giving away 3 boxes fo old videos. As i seem to be going through vids at an alarming rate (think my vid needs replacing really) this is great. They are old - but should be decent enough to tape 8 simples rules every week day!
I froze my first ham sandwich last night, so i am going to eat it in a couple of hours and see what it's like. If it's ok, i'm just going to make a big batch for lunches at work. This will save me a lot in the long run.
Hey, i can now buy some soil to plant geranimums in!
I was going to see Lysistrata with Mel, but that rather feel through and we are going to Pizza hut instead. This is a nice treat for me, and good to catch up with her. She sent me an email last week saying that she had some news. I knew instantly what it was. She is going to have a baby. Very exciting!
Mind you, what with that and going to Tango's wedding last weekend i felt somewhat deflated that all around me people are going and living their lives, and i seem to be rather stuck. I am happy for them all, but cannot help but feel jealous and wish it was me.
Still, it was nice to see tango again, but it was such a long day. He is still super nice, and i could have all those years ago gone out with him. What an idiot i was to go for someone who had issues instead. What a waste of time i spent on someone who wasn't worth it. But, i thought to myself that i wold have been no good for Tango and he is with someone much better suited than i. I think he had a lucky escape from me really.
some time later... the sandwich wasn't bad at all. I might spend a little more and get some decent quality bread and when i come back from Pizza hut tonight, just go and make a batch and freeze.
This is a cooking week. I have added tomatoes to my curry recipe. Tasty!
This will give me more money to put into a fund for things like car repair/service/mot and some to pay more off my cc debt.
I am giving up chocolate again. I did so well over Lent. I haven't had a piece today.
I did aeroskip last night, it is so tough and i am usually exhausted by the end of it - but it's different. On the other hand my body combat class is being withdrawn, i am clearly going to have to rearrange things so that i can still go to a combat class sometime.
I think i have the exercise thing cracked again, as i am feeling motivated. I just can't stop eating. I don't know how i managed it during lent. I just decided to stop and i did. Although i don't have the money i do need to buy food for next week (not much, just veggies and some tins), i should buy some bananas as they are healthy and might stop me from snacking.
I decided to put my goals on 43 things (see the new link above), which reminds me...i really should overhaul this site!
I clearly need to start cutting down. I think one place i am going to do that is buying food. I know how much i need, and i can certainly buy enough to last without need to go and buy "extras".
When my abbey and mnba cards are up (abbey will be paid off, mnba will not) i will transfer the money into a new low interest account, and do a BT for my capital one. I feel certain that i can now get a lower rate and one card to pay off each month is going to be easier than remembering to do three.
I'm also going to take a look at what else i'm spending. I've changed from buy albums to just buying single tracks - so that will save.
Maybe i should forget about the PT sessions. It's a lot of money. Money that i could chuck straight at the credit cards. Now Alex has gone, but i am still motivated (balance, aeroskip, circuits and combat each once a week!) do i actually need a trainer?
I could put half towards debts in fact, and half into an ing account for expenses like car mot/servicing etc.
I am going to crack this.
Oh hmmm. I just spoke to Harriet. She sounds very good. It looks like i might have to try and find other cuts...
I am supposed to be going to a wedding this weekend, and i have just been invited to the informal stag do... Yes i know i'm a girl, but i think that sums up a lot of my Salford experience really! Despite my size (i was pretty thin back then!) i was well able to drink many of my male compatriots under the table. Possibly because i woudl challenge them to spirit drinking contests and they were used to drinking beer!
I am not sure about going. 1 i haven't got a hotel booked...and 2 someone will need to feed charlie. It's a poor excuse, and i am more worried really about seeing these people again.
I don't look as i did (being something like twice the weight i as back then) and i am not exactly doing well in any area of my life...
I swear i have spent less this month but am worse off. I have 17 quid to last until payday. This is a slight problem as i will have to buy at least 3 loads of petrol (around 25 quid a go) and exciting still like cat food. I'm lucky that at least for this week i have food enough in my freezer. I will need to purchase some stuff for next weeks food - but it's not much and will only come to around 5 pounds, but still.
Missed a call from Harriet today. I think she's going to be my new trainer. She's only earlys on Wednesday and off Thursday which leaves Friday. Friday is always a bad day to arrange things due to traffic being much heavier than normal. As i have paid for a session the receptionist passed my call to Dan (another trainer) who reckons that Harriet could fit me in twice next week. Ok so one of those days is going to be a Friday - but i might swing it for a weekend if she is in. I will phone her tomorrow and see what can be arranged.
As it happens that last accidents i have been in have been people driving into me! Christmas eve, someone drove into me, and the day after Grandpa died a lorry bunny-hopped into the back of me. So i figured on that front i'm pretty much all square.
I'm just mega paranoid about being caught be speed cameras. Which, if you knew me, you would laugh at as i am a notoriously slow driver. If we go in a convoy from work anywhere, everyone else can be guaranteed to lose me as i stick to the speed limit very closely.
This time is a little different. Not that i hit anyone, or anyone hit me. I don't know. i know i am paranoid, and i trembled everytime someone came to the door, or letters through the letter box this weekend.
As the mother of an ex-boyfriend once said to me..."You have enough guilt to be Catholic".Mind you she did want me to marry her son, which probably would have meant converting...
I had my last PT session with Alex on Wednesday. I am quite sad about that, as he has been very good and we are just beginning to get to the bottom of some of my problems. My left quad is really very noticably weaker than my right. And i mean really. So we have started just working that leg on the weight machines and then doing CV work. It's not ideal as rally i shoudl work both legs, but given how much weaker my left is - when i work both i just shift all my weight onto my right leg so my left doesn't improve. But anyway, it was a sad day.
Yesterday i did an aeroskip class. I think that these are new at the gym. I got there, after the driving scare, at 7:30, but the class before overran so it started at 7:45. It was hard work and i was terrible at the skipping! But i got the hang of doubles and jumping in. I will definately go again as it was good cv work, and didn't hurt my knee at all.
I got 66 for my last tma - not the best....but not a failure either!
But it's not all bad - i'm on broadband now...
Sadly i have around 150 quid to last for 3 weeks...
I continued emailing a guy (Martin) from Dating direct. We finally met a week last Friday and he seemed really nice. We agreed to meet again, but it was to see a play. I wasn't really sure about that as a) you don't spend any time getting to know the other person and b) it had strong sexual themes and i wasn't certain that this was an ideal second date. He said lets reschedule, and i was happy about that. The next day i got a text saying that he saw no future in us and didn't want to reschedule!
I was quite hurt and deflated by that. I quite literally felt squashed.
I ate and ate and have put on so much weight it's untrue.
It hasn't really been the happiest time for me, but i am trying to keep myself cheerful.
I am going to try harder this week.
I now have pet insurance. Just as well as Charlie is going off his food. Maybe its the weather.
I'm still doing badly on the money front, but have just about given up on that. On the other hand, i now have enough things in stock to make weekday meals for about 3 weeks! This is good going and i am pleased with this. I keep hopign each month that my spending will go down, but it just doesn't.
I am thinking seriously about joining the Birmingham hospital Saturday fund. For 4 pounds extra than my dental insurance is now i can claim some of my contacts or glasses back, and on that alone i will be 50 pounds better off. I think it will be worth it as i know i will need glasses!
I have just finished my second re-read of the well of lost plots. The first time it wasn't my copy, and now i have my own. I am not sure whether to go for Something Rotten (which was a Christmas present), or finish off The Time Travellers Wife. Possibly the latter, i have to eke out the Thursday Next novels.
I have to pay my credit card and council tax, which is well over a hundred, plus petrol.
My grandma gave me 10 pounds on Monday, before grandpa died, so i am going to try and use this for food. I should be ok as i have a freezer full of stuff and can make at least 9 meals with what i have right now in the house. I guess the few extra tins i will need to make it go further can come from my other bank account. It was my carpet fund, but that seems like the least of my worries right now! I will be ok i guess.
I think i really need to get my water metered, it will save me so much money.
Sometimes i really hate that life is like this. I try and think back to how i managed when i was only less than half of what i am now. I remember, i never went out or did anything.
Urgh my eating has gone completely to pot. I have decided that i'm not going to try seriously until Saturday. I just hope i don't put on too much.
I also need to catch up studying...
Unfortunately the hospital rang just as i was leaving at around 8:45 and said that we should go to the hospital straight away.
It was rather nightmarish as i don't know the hospital, and it seems like my grandma didn't know either. What should have taken just 10 minutes stretched a lot longer, as it is the kind of hospital where there is no receptionist after 6pm. We eventually found the medical unit and we were taken into a vistors room. I think i already knew then.
The Senior staff nurse and the Doctor came in and to me it was inevitable. Grandpa has died. The Doctor was a bit patronising: she said Grandpa had been very poorly. Well, yes we knew that. But anyway, his heart had stopped and they ahd tried for 30 minutes to recsusitate him, but it was no use. I cried. Not only did i manage to miss Dad, but i missed Grandpa too.
Grandma then went into see him, and i phoned work (yes, first, but i knew that if i didn't i probably wouldn't be in a good enough state) then i phoned mum. Then i went to see Grandpa.
I don't think i want to do that kind of thing again. I regretted not seeing Dad after he had died, but now i don't. It wasn't Grandpa lying there cold, with his mouth open. It was just a shell. Grandma kept asking if i wanted to go, and i said that he was happy to stay as long as she wanted, but eventually i said that i didn't see what point there was. That wasn't Grandpa anymore. So we went back to Grandma's. I stayed for a little while, but eventually drove home and was in bed around midnight. I think she mighthave wanted me to stay, but i needed to be alone.
Tuesday morning i got up and did a few odd jobs, and then went back to Leicester. We had lunch, and then i made arrangements. We went to the hospital to pick up his effects and the cause of death certificate. I signed for it, as Grandma was still in shock. I arranged the registrars appointment and an appointment with the funeral director. She was quite happy for me to do this as it is a bit beyond her. Fortunately mum is going to see her on Friday, so mum will take her to the registrar and the funeral director. Going to see them on Tuesday was too much for Grandma.
She doesn't want to change things because she thinks it's going to be prying into Grandpa's life. I had hoped that she had learnt from Dad's death that when you die you don't get to have secrets anymore. Grandma doesn't know where Grandpa worked, and doesn't want to change bills or let anyone who needs to know know. I was happy to do it for her, but she just kept saying that it was prying into his life. This is not going to be easy at all, but i don't want to find out that her gas or electricty has been cut off because she won't change the bills into her name.
Tuesday i travelled home ready to go to Good Hope hospital. Lindsay had her baby on Sunday night. A little boy, Oliver. I went with Kate, and drove to her mums house and then she drove to the hospital. I was able to have a long hold of little oliver and he was as good as gold! Lindsay is such a good mum, so relaxed and chilled out. It realyl shows. Poor Marcus has chicken pox, so he is not able to visit; and not only that but the hospital are not sure when Lindsay will be allowed home!
So that is an up beat note to end on for now.
Uncle Bob came around on Sunday, and he measured up for new combi boiler and rads. It was planned, but it's just had to come sooner. Although, that said, i don't know when it will be as he is very busy at the moment.
Still i have an electric shower and an electric heater, so i stave off most of the cold. I also purchased an electric blanket, which really helped. MY bedroom gets cold very quickly and this keeps me nice and warm. Charlie doesn't appear to notice the difference at all!
I also bought straighteners which i think are going to take me a while to get good with, i am not very dextrous with my left hand at all!
I also started tma03. I am finding this tought, i have a further 300 qords to write on the short question, and i'm not sure i can fill them. I am going for 100 words a night to try and keep up.
The whole gas thing meant i couldn't go and visit my grandparents, they will have to wait until easter weekend.
I've just heard that Grandpa has been rushed into hospital. More soon.
I forgot to mention that i went for physio yesterday. The therpist got me to take my shoes and socks off and was shocked by my feet. "They are really bad", he said. "err... thanks", i replied. Clearly my flat feet are not helping matters.
I have now been referred to a podiatrist, but have also been given some exercises to do. It is very noticable that my left leg is weaker than my right. This won't help with supporting my knee, so the idea is to get that stronger too. When the podiatrist has seen me, and hopefully helped me out, i will go back to the physio.
I parked in the cage and trotted over to the big Boots where i found out that i had lost 3lbs! I guess that if i can stay the same one week and lose 3 the next i will be happy. I think trekked to the BMI and had my tutorial. I was rather weird as the middle session is shared between my tutor and the previous tutor - so i can see that i am going to have to attend all 3 sessions, instead of the prescribed two. Not that i mind really, as this is a tough course and i need all the help i can get. Tough in a good way, as i found out i got 73 for tma01!
Stupid, i know, but i'm starting again. I have swopped my rice for a very small home made pasta salad. Pasta, Cherry tomatoes, salsa and 4 or 5 slices of smoked sausage. I am very hungry now, but i want to seea 2lbs lose this week. I really, really do.
My cooking went well. I did cod and prawns in a curry sauce, and froze one portion. Then Sunday, before driving down to London, I did Lentils in a simillar sauce and froze two portions.
Anyway, back to sunday night. The first band playing was The Storys who are a welsh band, not bad. The Rumer played a couple of songs. I was quite impressed and am planning on going ot see her on March. Then Nerina who was in good voice and a great dress!
It was lovely to see everyone again, it is so nice to be with people who just love music!
I am giving serious thought to try to do my own version of Dhal. I do really like it, and Lentils are very cheap and filling. And good for me! I'm going to need to start building up my spice collection. I think that a lot of the time i am often put of cooking because i don't have the ingredients to hand, so i am going to rectify at least part of that tonight.
I had a good PT session last night. Alex is going to get me to do lots of work on the elliptical trainer. I don't enjoy it because it works me hard! But it didn't hurt my knee so that was a bonus.
I still haven't heard from my tutor - which is a bit concerning really.
I did cook pasta last night, and it was very tasty. I did enough so that i was able to freeze a portion. I think i'm getting into it now, and i feel quite a sense of pride at opening up my freezer and seeing meal stored in there which i cooked myself!
<>PI have some cod pieces which i want to use up as i thought it was rather bland by itself (it was a shame they don't seem to do the salmon anymore). Maybe some kind of curry or chinese dish? As i am not it too much of a hurry this saturday, i might have an experiment and see what I can do with it.
left my rice at home today, so i had to go back to my traditional jacket potato. I am still hoping that i will lose this week however, and stick to my target of reaching under 13 stone by the end of March. Tonights dinner is wholemeal pasta with tomatoes and quorn sasuages. Very filling and pretty good for me too. I must say that the Quorn sausage are rather nice, and i think pretty tasty.
I will be dropping off my TMA tonight, and I hope to complete the block today, or at least make a good stab at it. The next TMA is due in on the 15th March, which isn't exactly far off, so i need to make a start on that this weekend.
I've been thinking a lot recently on what I would do if i did not have to pay my mortgage (my largest outgoing). I would really like to join the JET programme, and going and live and work in Japan for a a year on the JET programme. You have to be under 40, so i've got 10 years to try and achieve that!
I've discovered that I have to pay for my web hosting this month, so I am not going to do very well at all. Oh well, it cannot be helped really. Now that I am using MS Money i'm going to really work hard at budgeting. I'm going to avoid going shopping, and thereby just spending money on nothing. I do need to buy a new pair of black trousers (mine are nearly grey now!) and boots (very worn), so i am hoping I can find something reasonably cheap from Asda. I think my little treat this month will be 3 books. For the rest of my time i'm going to focus on studying and exercising, and eating well cheaply.
I am really enjoying going to gigs, but the petrol to London is really costing me (I could get the train, but i'm not sure how safe i would feel about getting the tube at around 11pm at night...). I think the next one (apart from Nerina on Sunday) might be K T Tunstall in May. It's in Brum, and is 9 quid. Very reasonable, and i can probably even get the bus home!
Maybe I could go an a Spanish study holiday. A week in Madrid learning Spanish could be good fun, especially if i go after the A209 exam. The temperature would be between 5 and 12 degrees
Here is the set list:
I took your name
Animal
Undertow
The outsiders
Seven Chinese Bros.
High speed train
Everybody hurts
Electron blue
Leaving New York
I´ve been high
Departure
Orange crush
I wanted to be wrong
Final straw
Imitation of life
The one I love
Walk unafraid
Losing my religion
***********
What´s the frequency, Kenneth?
Bad day
Sweetness follows
Swan, swan H
Electrolite
I´m gonna Dj
Man on the moon
A totally rocking set, apart from Sweetness Follows, which i don't think really worked.
I've also remembered that in Feb and March there is now council tax to pay, so this is a blessing. This means that my major payments this month are a)petrol and b)credit card. As I am transferring 50 pounds from my savings into my bank account, i think I will actually not be too badly off.
I'm still going to have to radically look at how much I am spending and cut down. No evenings out this month. I have my blockbuster card where i can get two DVD rentals for the price of one. I am giving serious thought to signing up fo one of those postage dvd rental places. For about 8 quid a month at blockbuster I can over 1 dvd out at a time, but unlimited dvd's out over the month. This compares with 2 new releases from blockbuster or choices. I would only need to rent 3 every month for this to be viable.
I have to say though, that the rice cooker (which I bought with christmas money from my grandparents) has been an excellent buy. It cooks rice perfectly, and when i do plain rice i can batch freeze it, and thai rice gets done every couple of days for lunches. Much more cost effective that the lunches i was buying.
I have nearly finished tma01 for a209. I have about 100 words left to write, although i am struggling somewhat. I am going to have a go at doing some of the typing tonight. This will get a lot out of the way, so that I can think and finish typing on Saturday before going to REM!!!
This is a problem. I can easily spend this on petrol alone, never mind things like eating. I am at something of a loss now. I am going to have to raid one of my emergency accounts, as i am certain the council won't be happy if i don't pay my council tax.
I can see i'm going to have to try very hard to curb my spending next month.
All these trips to London....
So my weekend was absolutely jam packed full. First off to the gym. Alex, my PT is getting quite disheartened at the fact that last week i put on 2lbs...so i just did cardio at the gym.
Then i raced home to drop off my gym stuff, and then headed into Town for my tutorial. I weighed myself...i had LOST 3lbs! I guess my Lent resolution of giving up crisps and chocolate is paying off. I hope I can lose 2lbs this week, as this would bring me under 13 and a half stones, which is a major milestone. Keep those fingers crossed. Then the tutorial. I like my tutor, he has a rather rye sense of humour, and is very interesting about his subject. Hopefully i will be up to the task.
Then i got my hair cut and coloured and i was not home until nearly 6! Then i went into town, i was meeting people at Bar Epernay. It was a pretty sad evening on the whole. Mel and Bryan left at 9, and Joolz and her friend Sally left at 9:45. I was really upset by that. Mel and Bryan has a good excuse, but Joolz left to meet up with other people.
ortunately Lindsay and Darren were still there, Lindsay has 3 weeks to go before the new baby arrives, and they were so kind to me, suggesting that we go and eat. It wasn't how i had planned my birthday night (i was up for drinking and dancing all night!), but i considered myself lucky to have a friend like Lindsay.
Sunday i went to combat and then in the evening i drove down to Shepherds Bush to see Nerina at Ginglik. I took a rather long way there, but still made it in an hour and a half. I parked in the big multistory and eventually (after knocking at 3 wrong doors, and having to get the owners to come and show me the right door!) found my way to the teeny tiny place that is Ginglik. I saw Riccardo immediately who waved me over, and Nerina was not far behind. She gave me a big hug and thanked me for coming.
It was a great gig, Helen Boulding was supporting and she was a lot better than a remember. Nerina was on top form, and i told her afterwards that she had to be more positive. She is very talented, and this year she is going to be BIG.
The other Nerina fans persuaded me that i should come done again on the 27th. Well as it only took me 2 hours to get home, i am definately going to do that. Richard is a member, and he very kindly offered to have me down as his guest.
IT is so nice to be with people who love music, and don't make you feel bad for liking "strange" things. Joolz laughed at me liking Brazilian pop. I say - whatever makes you feel good: listen to it!
Monday, on my actual birthday i went to Joolz. It was very quiet.
I am more determined than ever that I am going to change my life for the better.
I am now up to 300 words on my TMA. I probably won't have too much time on Saturday as i will be at the tutorial and then going out for a few drinks. Sunday, I have decided to head down to London to see Nerina at Ginglik, i do hope i will be able to get some writing done then. The reason i am going is that i may be able to pick up a ticket for REM! One of the other ladies on the nerina mailing list is no longer going, and i'm going to buy her ticket off her. I am so excited! I will probably do the same and drive down and back up again. This is something i have wanted to do for ten years, i am absolutely thrilled.
I don't really have the money to do either, but i do need some serious cheering up.
I will have to be stricter with myself and say that i must do 150 words a night, rather than 50!
Day three of lent - still not eaten any crisps or chocolate!
I am getting rather sick of the emails from tescos which keep saying that it's my last chance to order roses for V Day. It's just too cruel!
Did i mentioned that i signed back up with dating direct? I sent a couple of messages, got one reply from a guy who said we had nothing in common. Charming! I will keep on trying.
It's very strange watching it, as my own period at that school was the late 80's, but even then at 16 i was an avid reader of the NME, no Barbarella's now, but me and my friends would go to places like Edwards and Mosely for gigs. I didn't get a school bus, but the bus stop at the bottom of the road to go into town was always packed out with boys and girls from the two schools.
Thank you to Keef for leaving a comment, i love my readers! I am slightly more cheerful. I was quite distressed on Monday. I am trying to be proactive. I signed up again with dating direct, but i'm really running out of ideas and places to meet blokes.
I have given up chocolate and crisps for lent. They are doing me no good, and will certainly be a challenge.
It took a lot of courage for me to do that, I am not exactly the most confident person in the world and very, very shy. And now i am completely devastated.
Steve says that it's this guys loss....but it isn't, is it? He now has someone, and i am still alone!
I pray almost every night that i might meet someone, and it simply never happens. I try and be proactive and i just end up getting humiliated.
I really am so very very tired of being by myself. There is no upside, just a lot of time spent being very lonely. I fill my time with studying, and puzzling and playing with Charlie. I go to the gym, I try and be as nice as i can, and yet...
There must be something fundamentally wrong with me.
Don't mind me, i'm just more than a little upset. Tomorrow i will be better, and back to trying to think of ways to meet nice blokes.
Actually stoning was fun, chatting away with like-minded people.
One thing about going to the London Gathering/film festival was that i chatted to Gary (who says i have to put happy things in here!) He said that he was single for 12 years, and he is now married to the lovely Kris. So there is hope for me.
I have started on TMA01 of A209. I have about 150 words written of 1000. I mean to write 50 every day. I have a tutorial on Saturday, so i am hoping that this will help too. It's basically 4 sections of 250 words. I made a good start on the first section with just over 100 words, and the second with 50.
It was a slightly odd film, in that it focused on a few people, and didn't (i feel) represent the community at a whole. How could it? Still, it was nice to meet friends old and new, and solve some puzzles. My team won this time! I bagged a The Stone t-shirt. Sadly i am too big to wear it, but i hope,
Not much hope as i put in 2 pounds this week. I have no idea how as i don't feel i have eaten much. I am getting serious this next week.
I feel like i am coming down with a cold. urgh.
I gathered some courage last night, well a bit anyway, and sent an email to the guy asking him if he wanted to go out into brum next saturday.
No reply yet.
I guess this is why my dreamworld is so much better. There, guys don't play games, and everything is so much more straightforward.
My team leads wife said on the Friday that he was an idiot. I think she's wrong. I'm the idiot for thinking that someone might actually like me!
We had a works do on Friday, and this guy that i rather like was there. He even sat next to me at dinner, he seemed interested. He asked me if he could ask me a personal question (how old was I), and if i had my eye on anyone...
But then, after we ate he seemed very distant, and my team leads wife tried to get him to com up and dance with us (i was too shy to ask him myself), but he only danced for a minute or so...
Even my team leads boos asked how it went! He'd obviously heard...i dunno...
I just heard back from Vicci! I am so delighted as i have been trying to reach her for such a long time. We were good friends at school, best friends for several years and then drifted away. It didn't help that she moved from Birmingham straight after A-levels. It is so good, in fact she suggested that we phone tonight! I cannot wait!
Oh, i bought myself a ricecooker on Saturday. It came courtsey of the rest of my Christmas money from my grandparents, and means i don't have to worry about rice burning the pan, or boiling over. Just easily cooked and perfect rice!
I screwed up my courage, and gave the guy i like a little hint via msn....sadly no response.
I went speed-dating a couple of Saturdays ago, i got several "friendship" matches, but only one of them bothered to write back. How rude!
Some days i find myself retreating into my own private imaginary world. It isn't exactly healthy i know, but i dream of meeting someone who is kind and respectful. After all, it simply isn't happening in the real world, despite me trying.
Someone drove into my car on Christmas Eve. Fortunately it was just a scratch.
I also had no hot water upstairs and had to around 80 quid to get that fixed. MY washine machine flooded, and so did my drains.
This morning, the hot water went off upstairs again, I am hoping that Uncle Bob can come and have a look, i think that there is air getting into the pipes somewhere. I am grateful that the shower is still giving hot water, as life would be a bit desperate.
I visited Joolz' sister Melanie. She has a lovely brand new flat with her partner. It really made me feel a bit depressed as mine has so much wrong with it (see above).
I don't feel motivated at all...
I hope all my wonderful readers had a fabulous New Year and Christmas.
