So i went out for a drink with Jenny, her husband Iain, and Sheri. It was slightly strange as i was never very friendly with Sheri, but OK. Jenny is as nice as ever, and her husband seems really nice. I think he must have gone to Solihull School as he seemed to know many other OE's.

I felt so inadequate compared to them. I appear to have achieved nothing noteworthy. Jenny ghas a family and practises Chinese Medicine. Sheri is a recruitment consultant, just went trekking in the Andes and has just met a new bloke.

Me, i just drift and can't settle down to anything much and am single after so many years alone. I guess i really do need to change my life.

OK so what am i doing. Well i have a PT and am working on losing weight, i'm going on the NLP seminar. I have finally moved into my own house. I guess the next thing is to start having a social life on a weekend.

So how to do that? I guess i can ask Juliette if she is doing anything...

I have still not taken up the carpet in my bedroom, i must be the laziest person in the world...

Jenny got in touch last night, and i have arranged to meet her tomorrow. She is also inviting Sheri, another Old Edwardian. I was never very friendly with Sheri, but as part of changing my life i am open to everyone!

I am spending many many hours testing at work, it looks like i may miss bodybalance which i am now happy about. Still i have two PT sessions this week (as a result of the late cancellation last week), so i guess that will make up for it.

I just enjoy the class though!

1lb gone this week. If i lose next week. No...WHEN not IF, i will be at my lost for several years. Wish me luck!!

Oh dear. I had my well woman screening. The doctor didn't want me to go back to work, and is very concerned about me. I should be losing about 4lbs a week, not an average of 1, so it would seem clear that i am still eating too much.

Urgh, it was all my least favourite things rolled into one. Nothing much good, apart from the fact that i do enough exercise.

The doctor wants me to go to some special weight loss clinic. It sounds interesting, but it is 500 pounds, and i don't have the much...it's something i am going to have to think about. In the meantime i'm going re-evaluate what i am eating and try and change even further.

All part of my new changing my life thing!

Alex my PT rang, and he can't do tonight after all. I'm a bit sad about that as i need all the help i can get. I'm going to attempt to go a class instead, as i find that 3 session in the gym by myself is a bit dull.

Hmm - well as i am still at work at 5:44 i don't think i am going to make the 7pm class. That is a shame as i am not feeling motivated to work by myself at all. But i have to.

I did in fact lose 2lbs, i was heavier previously than i thought!

I'm not doing too badly, although i did cave in and have 3 samosas today. But i know that is down to missing breakfast, which i think shows how important it is.

I may have decided to not feel guilty anymore, but istill do. I was looking through some magazines last night and came across an old cat magazine with a picture of a cat looking forlorn. It instantly morphed into a picture of my mother crying. Her eyes asking why am i alone.

I wish i had a magic wand that i could wave and make everything ok. But i don't, and i can't. I just have to harden myself. It's not as if mum is in her 80's and living alone, she's only in her 50's.

Aunty Jenny got remarried and moved on, so Joolz doesn't have to worry...it seems unfair to me, but no-one said that life would be fair. I guess if mum makes the decision not to have friends and a social life, it is her choice. If she wants to live in fear or crying, again i guess it's her choice.

I just cannot help but feel responsible, even though i am not.

I guess what i want is a normal life, with a husband and maybe a child. But i would settle for just a boyfriend really.

Oh eek. My personal trainer rang, he's shifts changed and he wanted me to come in for 7:30am tomorrow, or 7pm tonight. I can't do either of those as a)i have to leave home for work at 8am and b)i don't have my gym stuff with me so can't make 7pm.

He says that he will come back just for my session which i feel slightly guilty about, but i can't really help that as it's not my fault.

The only problem with buying all the Christmas presents now is that I am rather low on money. But i guess it's better to be low on money now, than be stressed over Christmas. Too much of my money is going to pay off debts, i will be so glad when they are gone.

Mum rang last night, she wants to go to the theatre over xmas. I feel slightly bad at saying no, but i just don't want to go. I didn't want to go last Christmas, and i was made to feel bad. I didn't enjoy the show, i thought it wasn't very good. Yes i know i should be grateful etc etc, but i just can't be that way.

I can't really tell many people how i feel, Joolz doesn't really understand that i don't talk to mum. She only sees the mum that is smiling and kind. She didn't grow up with the mum who ignored or just walked out on us. All those things that i never wrote about in 1998 and 1999. I didn't know how to write, as i often said to my dad, why didn't she love me.

Now with Dad's death everything has changed. She calls me "dear heart" and "love", but all that i can remember is her calling me "barrel" as a child, and constantly tell me i was selfish, and having to to remember to say thank you immediately she gave me something. My sister and I would hide upstairs and watch in case she was "in a mood". If she was, we knew to keep out of the way, otherwise we would get shouted and screamed at for the least thing.

My sister chooses to simply put it all in the past. But then she lives in Cambridge with her boyfriend, so it is different.

I don't know whether i can forgive. It has taken me this long to learn to speak even just a little about it.

When i stare in the mirror i don't see myself at all. I see my mother staring back, and it's as if i am just a cardboard cutout, not a real person at all. Whenever anyone sees me, they simply say how much i look and sound like her. As if i don't exist, i am just her.

And i don't want that. I want to be me, and get the things i want and need.

And i guess this is why i am changing my life. So that i can be me finally.

I'm back on the wagon again. According to the machines at Boots i have either list .2kg or 2lbs. I'm not sure which, but at least i lost! I'm going to keep this up and attempt to lose a stone by the end of December. Now, i make not make it the entire way, but i think it';s safe to bet that i will at least have done something.

I'm going to make a concerted effort to get some decent rest this week. I am back on my contacts again (albeit for 4 hours a day) and the purple circles are NOT attractive.

I'm going to start looking after my house and myself much better. After all...

I'm worth it!

I have now bought everyones Christmas prezzies (apart from a little something for Marcus and Linds), so i feel good! It was rather traumatic shopping with mum. Refusing to drive into town because it scares her, going on about how she is old.

I pray i never get like that.

I have now booked the NLP seminar...

I love my readers!

I have also found out what the problem is. The software was having a problem with a windows hot fix! I have downloaded a second hot fix from microsoft which corrects the error, and now it works!

I am dreading what will happen to my PC when SP2 is finally downloaded.

I think this also showed me that i am still not as well as i had hoped. So last night i got out the how to stop worrying book, and am going to read that again, i guess at least this time i recognise when i take things to heart too much.

I am very tired, and very sad this morning. My minidisc player arrived last night, and i cannot get the software to work.

I was up past 1am, and cried myself to sleep. AS i have opened the package, i can't send it back to Amazon. So not only is there money wasted, but i also don't have the music that i wanted to keep me motivated at the gym.

That was money from my bonus, so it feels as if all that hard work went in vain. I am very sad.

There is an article on MSN about 10 steps to being a good boyfriend. It made me laugh.

1. Remember her mom's birthday

Any old shlub can manage not to forget his girlfriend's birthday, but if you show up
with flowers for her mom, she's yours.

Smallkat - Well as most of mine couldn't manage my own....

2. Make stuff look difficult

If she asks for your help opening a jar because she's already turned her whole body
red trying to get it to budge, at least make it look like it's a little challenging —
when you pop it open in two seconds flat after she just struggled with it for ten
minutes, she may not appreciate your macho grin.

Smallkat - We loosened it, ok?

3. Always compare favorably

The time will come when you will watch a movie together and she will turn to you and
say, "I think Halle Berry is so pretty ... don't you?" This is a trick! There is but
one proper response, and it goes like this: "She's okay, but you blow her away." See?
I even made it rhyme so it'd be easy to remember.

Smallkat- i like this response!

4. Act disgusted

When you hear that a rich old man has left his wife in favor of a Dallas cheerleader,
under no circumstances should the words "Way to go, old man" leave your mouth in her
presence. Feigned horror and "robbing the cradle" sentiments are your best options.

Smallkat - Snort.

5. Wash your stinky feet

Don't wait for her to turn green.

Smallkat - I quite agree. And wash the rest of whilst you are at it.

6. Put down the remote

If you flip channels while she's discussing her deep feelings, this is a dead giveaway
that you're not listening. No good can come of this. It's better to just nod a lot,
occasionally say, "I completely agree with you," and wait for her to exhaust herself.

Smallkat - deep feelings? Unlikely that i'll be discussing that!

7. Using the phone doesn't make you a wimp

When you're out with the guys and it becomes clear that she shouldn't wait up for you,
suck up your pride, endure the "ball and chain" remarks, and remember that the guys'
legs are considerably less smooth when wrapped around you than your girlfriend's. Call
her.

Smallkat - text messages are cool.

8. Go hairless

Some bodily areas are more beautiful when they're bald. These include your back, nose,
ears, neck and unibrow.

Smallkat - back hair... *shudder*

9. Ease up on the math

If you're dating a woman and you both don't mind splitting restaurant checks, fine.
But if you break out a calculator to make sure it's exactly equal, try to determine
who ate what portion of what, or agree to "lend" her money to pay the tip, do not pass
go: Go directly to No-GirlfriendLand.

Smallkat - i have pretty much always had to pay for anything, so i guess if i met someone who was willing tp pay half i could live with the calculator!

10. If you love her, tell her

Again and again. Don't assume that you can just tell her once and she'll believe it's
true until you tell her otherwise. There are two things a woman never gets sick of
hearing: "I love you" and "Your butt looks amazing." Sprinkle both into your
conversations liberally.

Smallkat - Too true.

I ordered it! I will also book my place on a NLP seminar (40 quid), and then move the rest of my bonus money (about 50 quid) to ing.

I guess i should really write more about what's happening with me, but i never seem to find the time! i'm busy with OUSA and OU.

I went to a pub quiz with Joolz last Thursday and meet an old school friend. It was so nice to see her, and i hope we can keep in touch. I guess i'll write more about that in the future.

I think i've finally got those rogue payments from work sorted out. This means i know have 295 pounds tucked away at ing which can be used for xmas prezzies, and as i have now received the bonus i could buy a
Sony MZ-NHF800 Silver Hi-MiniDisc now. It's so tempting.

I've been getting very hot overnight in my room at mums houses, and i've just firgured out why. I normally have one window open, but because Precious isn't allowed out at night, it has to be closed!

Precious slept in my room for most of last night. When i lie still she likes to come right next to me and put her head under my chin. When i'm tossing and turning,, she went to the bottom of the bed and stayed there (being only 4 foot 8, there is plenty of space at the bottom of my bed!). Patchy would never have done that...

I laughed my arse off at James and Dave's "kungfu" conversation.

Tonight i'm going to PT and then straight after to a pub quiz with Joolz. I think it should be a good laugh. Although i've just realised that i will have to rent a towel, as when i packed my gym bag i didn't think i would need one. Oh well.

On the debt front i have just applied for a second 0% BT card. I will transfer a small amount from my Capital One account, an amount that i know i can pay off during the lifetime of that offer.

I don't want to transfer everything from Capital One in case i get refused another 0% card when i try and transfer it again.

At the rate i am going i won't be debt free until 2006, which seems like a very long time off.

On the other hand, i can easily meet my minimum repayments, and pay way over them...so i guess it's just something i live with!

I completely forgot to write how my exam went! I was very nervous, but got to the Great Hall in plenty of time, and met several of the other students in my tutor group. It was a flashback to my days at school over ten years ago. Those special exam tables, and clocks specially placed...

I think i did ok though, i know i got some parts wrong, but i remembered almost all of the vocab, and that is half the battle. If i haven't got 40% i think i will be really surprised.

Time to move on to the next course. Well the one after next really. I'm going to buy some books in advance to get a little bit ahead. The Three Theban Plays and Lysistrata and Other Plays, and finally PrometheusBound .

It looks like it might be a depressing Christmas read!

I spent 40 pounds in asda over the weekend. I felt realyl bad about it, but 25 pounds of that was on new gym clothes. I shouldn't feel bad about that as having more sets of clothes means i don't have to wait until the washing is done, so i can now go three times in one week.

I am getting increasingly nervous about the exam, but i keep telling myself that i am capable of getting 40%, and that is all i need.

My boot just broke this morning. The upper part of it has completely come away. Oh dear, more expense.

According to the machine in boots i went down by .4 of a kilogram, yes stayed the same in pounds. I find that odd, i guess it's because it rounds up or something.

I had a note put through Mum's door that Parceline will make a final attempt today at delivering a package. Pity i didn't get notes about all the other attempts! They don't have a depot i can pick up from, so i have had to leave it to chance that they will leave it by mum's door, and no-one will run off with it. I don't even know what it is.

I have thought about getting a PO box, but Royal Mail won't accept mail from other couriers (eg OU use SMS), so that rather defeats the whole purpose. We are no longer allowed to have items delivered to work, and oddly enough i am not at home between 8:30am and 6pm. These delivery firms need to be a lot more flexible.

I had a rather hard time dealing with Countrywide insurance. I spotted a rogue payment and had to go to through different phone numbers before someone could help me. It is a different payment because of the re-mortgage, and on a different day. I will receive notification of this (albeit after the fact) and i will get a part refund as i have already paid this months premium. So it was worth it. It's a pity that the first two people wouldn't help. The even said that they didn't speak to different departments! I don't think that was anything to boast about particularly.

A bit of a mixed weekend really. I put on 2 pounds. Considering how long it has taken me to lose those, it's quite a blow.

Part of that was due to going to a work colleagues wedding. Indian food and dieting don't really go together...

And if i am honest, i didn't have the best week ever. So i will try and do better this week.

I did some revision, but this morning i realised that although i can conjugate eram, eras - i have no idea what tense it is...

I bought a stand for the widescreen tv i will purchase. it is rather too large for my current sitting room layout, but i remember that i am going to give me small sofa to Joolz. So i moved that sofa into my dining room, and put my armchair in it's place. It still rather dominates the room, but i guess widescreen TV's and their paraphenalia do that.

I got a call at 9:15 this morning to say that Leanne can't make tonights session. I am not very happy at all. I think Alex is going to take me on, but he can't do tonight! So i have had to rearrange for tomorrow, but then i guess it's not certain that i will get another session with anyone.

I don't feel bad anymore about ringing the management as Leanne obviously can't keep me on anymore!

I just hope i don't get stuck in traffic on Friday.

I have now given my payslip which shows the 295 pounds on it to our HR person. It turns out that my team lead didn't have this on his payslip, so it cannot be the bonus. In which case it is clearly something that has been paid to me, which shouldn't.

That puts me in a pickle as i would guess that that money will be wanted back, and i have already written and sent the cheque to ING. Still, it is better that it is sorted out and that i have advance warning, rather than a rude awakening.

Hey, i got abc1 over the weekend. It's rather nice to have silly American Comedies to watch. The news is so depressing lately, and i like to try and keep myself cheerful. Pity it only broadcasts between 6am and 6pm! It means i only get weekends to watch it, but i guess over the winter it'll be nice to have some laughter when it's cold and miserable on a Saturday!

The office where i work will no longer allow personal packages to be delivered. How mean. After all, most companies deliver during working hours, and as you are at work, you then either have to risk them throwing your package over someone elses wall (as happened with my hammock), or having to drive to the otherside of the city. It would have been so much easier to get it delivered to work.

I moved all the items (apart from the futon mattress) into my bedroom, so that i can sort though them and box them. I have a whole load of old flute books. I think i may gie the beginner books to charity, and perhaps keep some of the more advanced ones.

I may not have lost weight, but i am certainly stronger than I was. I guess it must have been about a month ago when i did my first "fly" with Leanne. Then, i couldn't even use weights on my right arm. Sunday, i picked up the 2kg weight and it was too light. Then i got the 3, and that was too light too! For the other move i was up to 6! And at body balance last night i was able to do some moves where i support my body weight on my hands and heels. Yeah!

It was amazing to come back to my house for the first time in a long time and not have to be greeted by piles of boxes as soon as i walk in through the back door.

So, first things first. The Big Push. I now have left to move:
Blue bookcase
Shell of chest of drawers
TV
Video
DVD
mini tv stand
Contents of vegetable rack from the garage
Futon mattress

The futon mattress will stay at mums for a while, as i currently have nowhere to put it. Seeing this list has made me realise that i really need to work on getting my bedroom carpet removed. When this is done, and the new carpet down, I can then move in the chest of drawers, the bookcase etc etc. Those large items of furniture which i currently have no place for.

I did move a lot of the boxes which had been piling up in the dining room. There are still some things there, but it is a lot less.

I wondered into MVC on Saturday, with minidiscs on the brain and found out that they buy CD's. I have quite a few which i haven't listened to in years, so on Sunday i took them there. Most of them fetched 1 pound, which i pleased me. My plan had been to go to a car boot sale and sell them for 50p each. I even got rid of an ep which normaly they wouldn't take, but the assistant said that he wanted it for himself and so gave me 50p for it!

I gained space and a little over 17 pounds! That will go straight into my Nationwide account, into my tv and stand fund.

The weightloss is going so slowly. It's not going up, but i was only down by 0.1 of a kilogram this week! That's not even half a pound. And today i have already had a chocolate bar and mayo on my jacket potato.

I will work harder tomorrow.

It turns out that the bonus is 295 pounds minus tax/NI etc etc.

Oh well, it's still nearly 300 pounds...

But taking that money and putting it into savings will leave me short again. But this is bonus money, and i want to spend it on a treat. Something tangible, so that i can look at that and think, i worked so had on that project and this was the result of my effort!

Despite saying that I will be good, i do spend money on unnecessary things. So i must try harder this month.

I did have a session with Leanne last night. I feel a little guilty as the club gave her an ultimatum about continuing with training. It turns out she only trains two people, so i would guess that my comments to a team lead about not being contacted by her got taken on board. But it was true, and Leanne herself has said that she has so much to do with her new job that is difficult for her to find the time. So, next week she is going to get someone to shadow her during our session with a view to whomever it is taking me on. She says that the best fit for me would either be Kate (who took me on Saturday) or a young lad named Alex, who seems very friendly. I hope it is Kate as she is very hot on nutrition, which is the area i have a lot of trouble with.

I also hope i get that session i am owed back.

I think i got that bonus in my payslip this month! Excellent. I think what i will do it take at 350 from my account, and put it in my other account. And just really think about what i want to do with it.

Or maybe open up a savings account, and let it accrue some interest. If by the time December comes i still want, for example, a minidisc player, i will buy it then. Right now, i should really concentrate on my revision.

Well, i just opened an ING account. So i guess that when i confirm that the bonus did go in, i will dig out my cheque book and put it straight into there. Then when December comes, i can buy whichever gadget i choose without feeling bad.

Tonight i must go to the library. I have reserved the new Dido CD and a Marcos Valle. So there shold be some hours of good music listening there!

I made a start last night on the many boxes which are in the garage. I found my Bali tape, and my Howls Moving Castle Audio book. Hurrah!

From my room i have a couple of old uni textbooks and some folders. That's really it, apart from the bulky shell fo the chest of drawers and a book case. Both of which will not fit in my car.

So i now focus on the garage. This is more difficult as not everything in the garage is mine, but as i did last night, i will go through it little by little...

I had an early morning training session for Kate on Saturday. she really worked me hard!So hard that my calves and backside hurt today! She also said that she could see a change in attitude in me, and is more confident that i will achieve me goals. Hurrah!

Hey, My Bebel cd came through the post on Saturday! Unfortunately it is WMA protected. This mean that i cannot play it through itunes (my preferred software for PC), nor can i make a copy of it so that i don't damage the original. Grr.

Sunday i had planned to do some revision in the evening, but Lindsay rang and i went round to her house to help her with an ecma and got home at 11pm!

rats. My PT cancelled last night, we arranged for today and she has just rung to cancel again. I am now booked in with another trainer for tomorrow morning.

I will have to discuss about not having to pay for last weeks session.

Yesterday i had around 45 pounds left in my account, today i have 170. I was rather puzzled by this so rang up the bank. I had forgotten that standby allowance was now going to be paid has an expense instead of through normal payroll. This means that i have enough to pay my council tax and next weeks petrol and not go in the red.

Of course it means that i am 125 quid down on my paycheck. But i suppose it's swings and roundabouts.

I will have to be careful again this month, but i know that i can do it.

This weekend i am going to attemp to spend as little money as possible. What i need to do is start shifting all the boxes from my dining room, into more appropriate places.

No CD. yet...

As part of the Big Push I am now onto my many folders of uni work. A lot of it got thrown away last night. Most of it is very out of date, or things that i have no intention of referring to again. I'm keeping the nice salford university folders that they were in though. Those will come in useful for my OU work. Next week, i will start on the last lot of folders, they are in the very top of my wardobe, and require a chair for me to reach.

With those gone, there is very little left. So what i actually need to do, and hope to do a little over the weekend, is to sort out everything that i have moved. You see, at the moment it has all been unceremoniously dumped in my "dining room".

No sign of my Bebel Cd.

I'm getting a bit worried.

I will wait anxiously until Monday though, before ringing up customer services.

Could my life get any worse? After helping mum give ear drops to Precious i now have nits which i caught from mum. Fantastic. The werid thing is, she is prepared to buy me lotion to try and get rid of them, but won't do anything about her own head. I guess another reason to leave...

I am still waiting for my Bebel CD, i hope it arrives in the next few days. I am very wary of ordering things to come to my house, and they often seem to go missing...

I spoke to hR about my bonus. It is 500 pounds each, but obviously with tax and NI it'll be around 350. Not that i am complaining, as that could buy me two very nice electrical gadgets. It will go through in next months payroll, so i think i will give some serious thought to opening a savings account and then when i get paid, simply putting 350 into it. After all, i tend to think for a long time about what i want.

I got home last night to find a letter from the Halifax. My mortgage has now gone through completely, but unfortunately i owe them interest for this month. So that it a rather unexpected 200 pounds that i have to pay. As i have been not spending too much over the last month i do have that around and may just about be able to manage. Just. It is such a shame, as i spent all that time to keep my head above water. Still, i guess that if i hadn't done that i would have put money on my credit cards and i want to avoid that. So i begin again. My secret plan was that in 5 months i would have enough "spare" money in my current account, that if i had to have work done on my car it could be done through there. Sadly that has now been put back another month.

and i got home to find my PT session was cancelled...

On a good note though, just before i left work i found out the my clients were so pleased with work that i had done that they have asked my company to give me a bonus! I am unsure whether it is 500 pounds between myself and the other guy on my team, or 500 each, but what a surprise! And i haven't mentally spent it either!

I don't know when i will get that money, but it will certainly be a nice surprise.

I went Belly dancing with Joolz and her friend Clare last night. It is so good to spend time with people my own age. We have promised that we will get together for a night out, and i fully intend to do that. she is also the first friend that i have had that will hug me. It is so nice!

I bought the Bebel CD via cd wow today. I used a voucher so it only cost me 7 pounds. I consider that excellent value for money (the last CD i bought was the Baebes and that over twice the price!). Now i just have to hope that it arrives. I will move somethings around so that my letterbox is easier to post things through...

I have a box in my car with more stuff, so i am very slowly getting there.

My ankle is really stopping me from doing better at Balance, I hope that it heals up soon. For the first time in a long time i needed my hooded sweatshirt on the way in to the gym. Those evenings are getting darker earlier...

Remember i work with two off-shore colleagues? One has come up to speed, and is now very reliable. The other...well let's just say that my team leaders end of year report wasn't very complimentary. And yet, that guy gets promoted! Me, i have never had a promotion and work very hard and certainly am far better than he is. And that isn't false modesty.

It makes me very sad.

Today I am just moving a few books. What i actually need to do is move a bookcase from one room to another. I may give that a go.

I went to the opticians on Saturday morning. She couldn't see any abrasions, but when i said that i thought it was under my eyelid she inverted the lid. And therefore she found something. Apparently i have an enflammed tarsal plate. So i know have some lubricatng drops and an appointment in a fortnight.

Then i had a whole day at the M500 revision weekend. It was manic, constantly doing membership cards. I was exhausted. I took two paracetamol and was in bed for 10pm.

Sunday i went to the gym, did some shopping and then generally lazed about. I moved some stuff around, but not much. I did buy a stanley knife, now all i need is the courage to use it!

I have around 200 pounds in my nationwide/telly fund. So i am looking seriously at what i can buy. All i want is something that has widescreen and a couple of scart sockets. Nothing too flash really. Then i can move my dvd player over. Ididn't move anything today, as the traffic is so bad that there simply isn't time to unload, unpack and get changed for Balance. I tried that last week, and ended up tripping over things. So i will get home, make a quick tea, if i have time, and head on out. When I am completely moved in, things will be much better!

As yesterday was Thursday it must be PT day with Leanne. We did 5 mins on the cross trainer and 5 minutes on the strider. Then 15 minutes on the treadmill. I couldn't do more the 3 on the incline as it just gave my ankle constant pain. Then i did leg presses which were rather painful, hamstring curls, and somethign on my quads. Apparently my quads are significantly weaker than my hamstrings which explains why i have knee pain.

Just one more thing to work on!

My mortage is very shortly going to go through! Because i over estimated how much i had left on the mortage, i got 120 back from the solicitors. As with all my extra money this is going in my nationwide account to by a widescreen tv. I must, by now, be very close to that goal.

I am going to drive to the otherside of Birmingham and put my TMA through my tutors door. The last one. ow i have no excuse but to concentrate on revising...

It seems like it's been a while since i wrote. In that time, Joolz contacted me about Belly Dancing, so i shall be doing that next week. I cannot wait, and hopefully my ankle will be up to it by then.

I had a tutorial on Saturday, and bumped into Mel twice when i was shopping in town before it! The first time was in Primark by the handbags. I might have guessed that woudl happen really! For the first time, during the tutorial, i felt that i might actually have a chance of passing this. I know so much vocab, although i still have a lot to learn.

PT session last night. I found out that I have put on weight, so i am hoping that by tomorrow i may have "just" maintained. I did 7.5 minutes on the stepper, and then we went upstairs for free weights. The same as last week, but i could actually do weight on my right arm during a "fly". This is an improvement! I then went on the treadmill and Leann discovered that if i walk at 2.6 i don't smack my feet down. And i could do inclines with much more ease (apart from my sprained ankle!). She decided that i have simply been going too fast, and we will build it up from 2.6. I then tried to do lat pull downs, but after the increase in free weights i found it quite a struggle.

Leanne is also going to help me with my eating. This is really my biggest problem area. I think if i can find a routine i will be fine. I am generally ok at home (although i confess that this week i bought two tubes of pringle and ate them both), so i need to be more careful during the day.

Tomorrow i have a tutorial, last but one, and i'm hoping to get my hair cut. It really needs it. It is another expense, but it does need doing.

The BBC website has some cool quizzes. According to them I am a supervisor type. This is probably due to the fact that i do like lists and plans and loathe people being late! I am also a "musical thinker", and it's true, i do think of songs a lot and can often be found humming to myself. When learning my vocab i often make up little songs to remember things by!

As for my big push, I am doing well. Of course, I am finding more things to add to my list, but that's ok. I really, really need to sort out about the carpet. I have the money to pay for it. Hmm maybe that should be my next step. Sunday i should go and get a quote, and then I should try and work out how I can get the money from my new broker (we had some restricted shares released, and the company put them into a a different broker account than my usual one).

The reason for the carpet...well i'm running out of places to put my stuff! And there is little point moving it into my bedroom when i need to move everything out of it!

It turns out that i actually had 100 pounds more than i thought i did! Somewhere along the line Ms Money had messed up. This is good news, and means that i can afford the payment for my contact lenses. And has reminded me that I can afford my little treat of a film magazine once a month. But i am going to keep living frugally, as I am more determined than ever to pay off more of my debts.

I have decided not to go to see Bebel. I have such a bad memory that in truth i will probably not remember it in 3 months. Instead I will use my 30 pounds expenses to buy her CD. I can enjoy that. If she releases a video then i will buy that. The Baebes video is a little odd (it was recorded for a canadian tv show), but seeing them visually is great! And i can watch them anytime!

Another weekend, another Saturday night in A & E. I was told not to wear my contacts for a week, so i left it 3. Saturday i put them in again for the first time, and after a couple of hours my eye was streaming and I was in pain again. So I have more drops, and a note to take to my GP. It's obviously not healing well.

I took my dry suit to the dive shop. They weren't very impressed and said that only children could wear it. I had to say "or a short person". I find that attitude very rude. And i am sorely tempted not to sell it to them. She didn't think she could take more than 30 pounds, but has to have a good look at it. And all i really want to do is just get rid of it.

I think i'm going to sell my dive suit. I've had it 10 years (!) and have never worn it. If i can get 50 quid from it i would be happy.

If i can't, i just don't know. There is little point me hanging on to it...

I had another tough session with Leanne last night. Because of my ankle it rather mucked up her plan, so i did 5 minutes bike and then 15 minutes on the cross-trainer. This is longer than ever and my back was very sore. But i did it.

Then i did squats and my legs just didn't seem to work properly, i couldn't get into the normal bent leg position and struggled to stand. When i was stretched out at the end it was very noticable that my legs were very tense and not flexible. This would explains why i just couldn't do the squats properly. I expect that they are tense because of the pain of my ankle.

We then did weights which was ok until i did a "fly". My right bicep simply wouldn't allow full range of movement with a weight. It was quite a different pain from normal workout fatigue. I guess i am just not used to it. I finished off with a horse stance, and Leanne says that she had noticed that my back is stronger. This is definately a good thing!

This is not starting out to be a good day. I fell over when i left home and sprained my ankle again. And when i fell over i hit my head, so i'm not feeling terribly good. Also Lotus Notes is not working, so I am unable to do the work that i need to do.

Some good news though, Lindsay is having another baby! I am thrilled for her. I am going to meet up with them on Saturday as they are travelling to Gorsley today. I have never been there, so it will be nice to both seem them and see the Flower Festival. Sunday i am visiting my Grandparents and Monday I will be doing TMA work with Mel.

So, another very busy weekend! Better than moping on my own though.

I had a bit of a scare this morning. I tipped hot chocolate all over myself, my desk and my Palm! At first it stopped working, then it worked a little but the pointer didn't work. I rang up Direct Link about making a claim, but was on hold for ages. I tried again, about an hour later, and now it seems to be fine. Thank goodness. I use it so much, that I would be lost without it. It seems to keep synching by itself, but i guess that's not a very bad thing.

I'm also coming up with a plan for the Big Push. I have made my first list of items which need to go. I will cross them off one by one. Maybe I should post them here as a side bar?

I found my prescription. I do need complex lenses, which is no surprise, but it looks as if a pair of sunglasses could be 40 pounds. This isn't bad at all.

Oh, it turns out the contact lens standing order has failed. The money was being taken out of someone elses's account, so I will have to pay the standing order and the extra too...

I cannot wait until my debt free day when 100 pounds can go towards things like that instead.

As i am going to be doing a short course over the christmas period again, i need to pay for this. I have decided i am going to put it on MNBA card, and simply pay the same amount that i am currently paying into my OSBA account for Latin (which finished in October), which will only leave me about 6 pounds down.

I guess I will just keep entering everything into MsMoney, try and live more frugally.

So how do i make that final push away? I have now moved all my videos to my house, so i guess the next step is to move the bookcase that holds them all. I will make this a task to do on Bank Holiday Monday (or Saturday if i have the time)

Next month i should buy a cat flap and try and fit it.

Mum bought Precious one of those enclosed litter trays, so I may be able to use the one she bought previously.

Then I should move everything out of my new bedroom in preparation for getting a new carpet. I have a lot to do, and it's probably best that I don't get a cat until after my exam in October. But it's not exactly a long way off!

I have also made a start on my Latin revision. I am going to do vocab this week, as after all if i don't know the vocab it won't make a bit of difference if i not what tense the word is in! Making a start on this really lifted me yesterday. I am now at the stage where all i want to do is pass! I no longer care about getting a pass 2 or 3 - just a pass!!

And if there are tickets available for Bebel when the 1st September comes, I am going to get one for Warwick the night before my exam. I'll save up and get her album in October, and put part of my expenses towards the concert ticket. The rest will go into my nationwide account.

Bebel Gilberto is on tour! Sadly the tickets are 17 pounds, and I have 8 pounds to last the rest of the month. Which ain't going to happen as i have to spend at least 50 pounds on petrol getting to work. But still, I believe that i will have done better than last month. So i guess, that i will continue to try and improve and improve.

I should get 32 pounds as expenses for my OUSA training weekend, but that won't be due for some time.

Sometimes I feel like i am wishing my life away, and this is one reason for seeing Bebel in concert. I a bit of happeness and joy. Opps. I have just realised it is the day before my Latin exam! Now, do i go or not? I would say yes, as by that point i may be very stressed, and this would be a good thing to take my mind off things. What if went elsewhere? London on the Saturday? Bristol on Sunday. I think i should wait until next payday. If there are tickets then it was meant to be. After all, it's not missing 3 hours of revision that will cause me to fail the exam, but not doing enough work now. This might be the incentive i need to actually knuckle down and get revising.

Just been doing some surfing and found a website that sells really, really cheap glasses. It might be worth it to get pair of new sunglasses. I need to find my perscription and work out how much they will cost. Even if they are around 150 quid, it will still be cheaper (i usually pay around 300 quid) and a nice treat for next year.

I had a tough session with Leanne (my PT) last night. I got weight and measured. I have still lost weight (YEY!), and have lost cm's from everywhere apart from my stomach and hips. Yup, that's right, I have basically lost around 1 stone and it has gone from everywhere apart from there!

We did CV work, and mor work on my back. We did squats again, but this time with a much bigger hand weight. I went down, and then couldn't get back up! I was in a lot of pain, unfortunately. My back is very weak. But this is one reason for getting a PT, so that I can improve these things. My posture is definately better.

Yes, it's definately worth the money. Although it would have to be the first thing to go if the money situation got worse. As it happens i think i have done very well this month. I shall continue in this way and do better next month. And so on...

I had a lovely cuddle this morning with Precious, who i firmly believe should be caleld Princess. It makes me want to make that final push and move out of Mum's and into my place permanently.

I am going to make that next months goal. I think the only thing that is now stopping me is my video recorder. How sad is that?

Yes, that is my goal, and buying and fitting a cat flap. The buying is the easy part...but fitting? Maybe i could get grandpa to help?

I'm not sure i agree with the comment that you shouldn't exercise until you've reached your target weight. As i have a lot of weight to lose (at least 7 stone) it's definately a good thing to exercise and tone up. Yes muscle does weigh more than fat, but that's a good thing.

Plus it means you can eat more!

Anyway, i went round to mums last night and there was a cat waiting at the door! I had told her about going to the Blue Cross, and Sam and showed her the Wellcat website. And there in front of me was Precious! She is like a little tabby princess. albeit are rather clawy Princess. Very dainty and incredibly friendly. Mum has bought her a basket, and litter tray and a brand new collar. She cannot go out yet, as she needs to have booster jabs in a month, but mum's has has lovely windows which are just right for sunning oneself on. If one was a cat...

I had the week off work. What have I accomplished? Well seemingly nothing, except that i put on a pound! I don't really understand how that happened, as i ate less that usual, and did more exercise! I will just need to be good this week. Although i'm supposed to be going n a training course the weekend coming up, which is always an incentive to me to eat and eat...

I went to the blue cross animal shelter in bromsgrove and nearly came back with 3 cats!

I am not doing too well with my budget, i have around 60 pounds to last until next pay day. This doesn't sound too bad, but when you consider that i can easily spend 30 pounds a week on petrol... so i may end up going overdrawn, but hopefully it will only be by a little bit and not by the 160 quid of last month. And slowly, but surely i will get things back on track. I have to say that MS Money is really useful. It shows all me all my bills and regular payments, and how much money i have left until i next get paid.

I have just found out that the Baebes are performing in Kings Norton.... TOMORROW.

I am so so so tempted.

But it's 15 pounds, and I have only just seen them in concert. They would be perfoming exactly the same material as the last concert...so no.

I wish their mailing list would keep me up to date.

After much decision i'm going to stay with the Chelsea. And i will pay a larger sum next time. I also found out that i have the option of making over payments of 20%. So i might think about doing that.

Dixons have just rung me up, and i have agreed to chat with them. They can find me a cheaper one, but there is an arrangement fee. But i could use part of that 2 thousand towards that instead..., but i would have to pay more as it couldn't be done in time for the 2nd september (which is when my current rate runs out)

I may not have much money right now, but i think that using MS Money is going to help. I have decided, I am going to pay off my Halifax card completely using 100 pounds from my isa.

Oh. Interest rates have been put up. And the mortgage i was going to sort out on Saturday has now gone up and it is 10 pounds more. I think i'm still going to go with it though, but it's really brought home that i need to sort it out.

I think things are going to be very tight on the budget front. I cheque i sent off some time ago has now been cashed. oops!

I got to the gym last night, but Aerobike was cancelled! In fact the class has been completely withdrawn. I didn't feel motivated to work on my own. Thank goodness i'm back with leanne on thursday.

As soon as the word BBQ is mentioned, you know what happens? It rains! And yesterday evening it did rain. So the BQ at Lindsay's was an indoor one, but it didn't matter. It was very simply, a burger, sausage, salad and jelly to follow. It was good to catch up, and to get sweet little boy hugs from Marcus.

And i will attempt to get to aerobike tonight (traffic not withstanding, but i have my kit in the car so if there are delays i may be able to just get off the motorway and head straight there. I do want to go home though, as I have mislaid my mobile, and i think it's there. hopefully.

I am hoping to go speedating on the 14th. An extra expense, but as i am off work next week, i should save some money on petrol.

And so to other matters. I have now set myself a weekly budget, and have decided i will just take 100 pounds out of my isa and use it to pay off one credit card.

Eating wise today, i caved and had two samosas. But no crisps or chocolate though. Tomorrow i won't have that temptation.

Do you know, i have successfully kept off a stone. OK so it's taken 7 months, but i've done it.

As a replacement for body balance, i think i might do aero-bike tomorrow. It starts at 7, so i could get all my stuff ready and go there straight from work. I think that would be a good thing, as i didn't go to the gym on Sunday.

I have had a very busy weekend. Saturday was Aunty Jenny's wedding, which was lovely. What i saw of it anyway. As i got something in my eye, and my eye was streaming and streaming and extremely painful. I did manage to get 2 photos though so i was pleased. I went to the reception with mum and Lucy, and i was in terrible pain, but determined to make it until the speeches. I managed to get whatever it was out, but my eye was still very painful. Lucy drove me home, and i decided to see an optican to see if they could recommend anything for the soreness. Boots couldn't see me, but Asda said that i would have to have an eye test and register, but they cold do it NOW. So i did. And they optician there told me to go straight to the Eye Hospital on Dudley Road, and bless them they didn't charge me for my test.

So my afternoon was spent in the Eye Hospital, and i found out that i have a scratch on my eyeball, but fortunately it was not infected. I got some eyedrops, and headed back for the evening reception. Lucy and Mum decided not to come, but I had a great time. Why did I ever lose touch with Joolz. Hopefully that won't happen again.

Sunday was spent quite lazily, but i found out that i am now under 14 stone! To celebrate this i had a breakfast and Weatherspoons in Sutton. Yes... i know... but as it was the only thing i ate that day, i don't feel to bad.

Today I'm back at work, but my eye is slightly sore again. I guess it's from staring at a monitor. But i'm putting in the eyedrops, and i will see how it goes.

I just had a call from Lindsay, she and Darren are having a BBQ and have invited me. How kind. I was going to go to Body Balance but starting a BBQ at 8:30 is just too late. So this week i will have to miss it. I cannot wait to catch up with Lindsay, and see Marcus too. I might suggest that we go out and do something next week, as i have the week off work.

I've also just arranged to go and see my grandparents next Monday, so i can see that I am going to have fun visiting!

Thank goodness i got paid today. I think what i will do with my isa is basically close it out - put 200 into my bank account and use the remaining 400 on some of my credit cards.

And then I have to work on reducing my outgoings.

Or something.

What happened to me? I used to be so good with money.

So I have decided on another plan. I will work out how much money i have to spend, divide it by 4, and must not spend anymore than that.

So more on the belly dancing. I just went in tracky bottoms and a t-shirt and felt very under dressed! Everyone else was in a skirt and coins and tassels! Not that it bothered me, and i can dance whatever i'm wearing.

The session was two hours, which was quite a long time really, and i was glad that i had my bottle of water in the car, as i definately needed it! We learned a dance, in stages, which involved four people ina  square, lots of moves, and then eventually the whole class forming a long line and taking a bow!

So last night was Belly Dancing workshop. I have to say that i thought 15 quid was rather expensive, but apparently the usual class price is 3 pounds, which is much more affordable.

It was a fun class though, and again it was great to see Joolz. I hope that we will be able to start meeting up again, as we were such good friends.

I need to work harder at my finances. I am still spending too much. I am tracking everything in MSMoney, but it doesn't seem to stop me spending.

So what can i do? I think i need to think a lot harder about going to the super market. The last two weeks i have spent a lot at Tesco's on the way home, but this Friday i won't need to as i still have frozen meals, and frozen fish.

I have a few things that i could sell on amazon or ebay, but no-one has bought anything yet.

So i need to be stricter with myself. My credit card debts are the worst offenders - 135 quid every month for nothing. But at least I am chipping away at them. I keep thinking, i should put all the money which isn't assigned for paying my regular bills into a different account, and then at least i know that i only have that to live off. I also need to keep to a shopping budget.

Or maybe i should empty my isa, as it gives me less money than i have to pay in interest charges, and pay off some of my debt. THis is quite a big step for me.

I always used to be very good with money, but the last few months have seen me slide further and further into debt.

As Sunday is the start of a new month, i think i will start sorting out my money into another bank account from then. I have two full months of tracking my spending, so i know how much i need. I shoudl also have another go at MSMoneys budget planner. I did start it, but it came up with slightly odd figures (eg telephone bill only paid yearly)..

I am very fortunate! On Saturday a copy of lifescripts, from my amazon wishlist, was sent to me. I don't know who M is, but thank you! It was a very generous gift

Now all i have to do is use it!

In response to entries on my guestbook...

Yes i do remember the way out, i have some songs from the way out taped! Ian Wood still works at WM, I have heard him do the occassional news/sport bulletin. Paul Flower moved on some time ago.

Happy days!

Just been checking out how people get to my site. I noticed one was from google on Pityriasis Rosea. I forgot to write about that. It did go. It's been gone for some time. and no scars either. So i guess if anyone reads this and has it, it does go!

Saturday was so busy. I didn't go the gym as i knew i would not have time, but instead dropped my car off at 9am, and headed off to Worcester with Chris. I spent the whole day with there and zoomed bck to Brum in Adie's car. Just in time to pick up my own.

In the evening it was on to Auntie Jenny's hen night. It was so good to see Joolz and Mel, and bump into Joolz' friend Kate. I haven't seen her in 10 years. The four of us used to go clubbing together, and had good times.

It also made me realise how bad mum is. Aunty Sheila is older than mum, and a cancer survivor, but she looks younger than mum! It is amazing how wearing glam clothes, and a little makeup and not least a youthful attitude can make you seem younger.

Mum just goes on about how she is nearly 60, and that seems to be that. She talks about herself as an old lady etc etc

It's almost embarrassing, and very sad.

My parents are and were strange people. I want to be different, and make some close friends.

I have no idea how much i weight this week. I went to Boots on sunday and the scale step (the bit you stand on) appeared to be broken as it moved backwards and forwards! If i tipped on way it said i was 14 stone 4, and the other way 13 stone 9. I suspect that neither of those are correct! I told an employee, as having the step move could potentially mean someone falls off, and he gave me my money back and said he would put up an out of order sign.

Eating wise the last few days (Sunday and Monday) have not been good. But today i have been a little tiny bit better.

Weetabix for breakfast, jacket pot, tuna and beans for lunch. I've nibbled on some dried fruit, and now i'm going to eat some carrot.

It's better than the crips and chocolate i ate yesterday.

Spaking of yesterday, Balance was cancelled and a swiss ball class was put on instead. I was quite cross, as i love balance and enjoy the stretching and proper relaxation. But i got over that and went with the flow. I dislike squats (painful on my left knee as i go back up), and leaning on the ball (hard to breathe and makes me feel a bit sick!), but the sit ups were ok (easier on the neck), the obliques tough, but not painful (well not painful in the way my knee is anyway). So it was ok...just not great.#

I also need to watch my budget. I spent far too much during my week off. Fortunately i have enough food to last me the rest of this week, so i will only need 20 pounds for petrol. Saturday i'm going to be out all day with ou stuff, so i will need some water and some home made sandwiches. The saturday after i have another OU event and the saturday after it's auntie jenny's wedding! My big expense is servicing the car and taxing it. Both of which i have no choice about, as i know that the brake pads are very very worn.

I spend too much. I know.

Damn - just ate a twix.

It's been an eventful week off. Saturday I had several hours studying with Mel, going over tma03. Worth it, as i had made some very silly mistakes. I then drove to leicester and spent some time with grandma and grandpa and then drove to Rutland to see the Baebes. They were on top form, singing songs from all of their albums, plus some new ones.

It made for a very late day though, i didn't arrive home until midnight!

I have been to the gym (a lot), went to the chiropodist at Boots who said that no, my ingrowing toenails will never get better. This is in stark contrast to my mum's chiropodist who has never said that. The one at Boots said that I should think about getting my toenails operated on, as in the long run it will definately be cheaper, and will mean that i never have to have sore toes again! It is a lot of money (240 quid), but what she said made sense. I have lived with ingrowing toenails for years, and they aren't going to go away. I will prevent my nailbeds from ever getting infected again, surely a good thing. She even said i could try and ask my doctor and see if i could get it done on the NHS for free. I like this straight, truth talking.

Being off work is very dangerous. I now have a QVC membership card! I want to link to my purchase, but it doesn't seem to be on there anymore. I bought a TSV - a hammock! It's much larger than the one i have, and can easily take my weight (ps this is my treat for losing 0.5 stone!) and as it's made of material, rather than string, will be much more comfortable.

It's a pity that the weather is so bad. I am very busy for the rest of July, so I am hoping that August is lovely!

I had Kate for my PT session very early last Saturday morning. She has quite a different style to Leanne. She likes to get to the bottom of things, and won't let them lie. I was due tohave her this Saturday, but because my carpet is being delivered (hopefully at 9am) i cannot make it. It's a shame.

I think she thinks that what she is telling me about nutrition is not going in, but it is. I am making a concerted effort to actually eat vegetables (although sadly i left my carrots at home today)

Damn i just went and ate 2 samosas. Not eactly healthy. But i guess if i keep things under more control i will be ok.

I'm so excited. And i just can't hide it!

I just got front row tickets for the Baebes on Saturday! They are seat a19 - which i guess means slightly to the side, but given that they don't appear to have sold many, i guess i could quit easily move. And who cares anyway - it's the music i go for!

Hmm, well i went out to my car last night fromwork and found out that i left the lights on all day. Again. And drained my battery. Again. So i was late getting home, which meant that i couldn't have made Ceroc.

I also caved in and bought chips and had it with my Asda instant spag carbonara. This was not a good idea, as i felt very ill afterwards. Let this be lesson to me.

Rutland - i think it possible is Englands smallest county, Steve! I was born in Leicester and when i was ill with tonsilitis as a little girl and farmed off on my grandparents, we often went to Rutland Water and Eyebrook. I must book that ticket soon. The box office said that there were plenty left, but i want to be sure!

I got around to booking the tree surgeon. He says that he will fit me in. As the tree is in the front, he doesn't need me to let him in, so i'm quite happy that this gets fitted in around other work that he has on. It's been an eyesore for so long that as longas it's gets done I will be happy!

I was sent a message by someone else on dating direct....to quote " I will always reply and enjoy having intelligent confiscations".

You have to smile, don't you!

I am still putting off going to Ceroc. I do not know why.

Body Balance was good last night. We didn't have clare, we had a guy named Jason (v cute) who was doing his Video assessment. This meant that we had to do release 18, a lot of which i could remember. Sadly that time around i could get into bow pose, and i can't now. Oh well.

My ankle is a lot better..

Good news! The Baedes are coming to Rutland. Ok so it's over an hours drive away, but it's actually on a date i have free! Tomorrow i am going to book it, and i am very excited. I have only seen them once in concert and that was 3 or so years ago!

It's rather grey and cloudy today. So I am sitting with a mug of camomile and honey tea at my desk.

I haven't been feeling very motivated at the gym, and i told Leanne this on Thursday. But i had a good session despite that, and despite having to go on the rower. Now i have my gym gloves, the rower is a lot easier on my hands. So i went willingly on Saturday and Sunday and beat my time on the rower on sunday! Because of the pain in my knee i think i prefer upper body workouts.

The last comment that was left was about how Adorable has changed. How there is less introspection than before.

I suppose one reason for this is that nothing in my life has changed, so there is nothing new to think over and talk about.

How i wish that that were not true!

I went on a hen night on Saturday. It makes me realise how much i am missing out on things by being single when all my friends are married. There were two friends, who are roughly my age, and they go on girlie holidays and go clubbing and generally have a good time. Me, i usually end up reading stories to my friends kids! I don't begrudge them that, as i love their kids...but oh how i do wish for something else.

I know i coul do it if i took up SPICE again. But the OU is taking up so much (too much) time. I need to find a balance, and it's difficult at the moment. Maybe i should book something...

I'nm on holiday - so apologies for the paucity of entries!

Spot update: Well it's not chicken pox. nor is it an allergy.

I have pityriasis rosea. And a classic case at that.

Ankle update: Still sore. My doctor says that i could take another 4 weeks to heal properly. Oh well.

Post from yesterday. Sadly wasn't able to post it theh as blogger was playing up.

Thanks to Steve for setting my mind at rest. I do wonder what the big
jeepy thing was doing, as it was there in the same place last night.
Strange, as usually the change the places where they sit. Oh well.

Ankle update: It still slightly hurting, but getting better.

spot update: well my team leader started having a minor freakout last
night in case i had chicken pox. I doubted that it was as i felt fine.
But i went to the pharmacy at Boots at The Fort anyway. The Pharmacist
agreed that it was very unlikely that it's chicken pox as i feel
perfectly normal and the spots are not itchy or hot. It's more likely an
allergic reaction to something.

I have no idea what though as i haven't changed anything. Very
strange. If it persists next week i may go to the doctors. Perhaps I
have suddenly developed an allergy to something?

Hmm well it's now 5:20pm. The spots seem to be increasing so i'm
going to the doctors on Monday. If they've gone by then all well and
good as there are other things i can do. If not - well it's with my fav
doctor so that's cool.

For those of you who are long time readers, you might remember todays date. Today five years ago my dad died. Or rather, my mum had him taken off the machines that were keeping what was left of him alive.

It seems so long ago in some ways, and like yesterday in others.

I fell over again last night and managed to hurt my ankle again!

I have also come out in loads of spots from my neck down to my waist. I'm hoping it's just an allergic rash. Fortunately they aren't very itchy, so i'm guessing that it isn't chicken pox.

I haven't heard back from the tree surgeon, so i have phoned another one.

Remember the guy i wasn't sure about because of his spelling. Well i emailed him, and he emailed back. That was ok. Then after that i received two emails with huge attachments with "jokes"? What's the deal with that??

Men, i truly do not understand them!

Time for more paranoia. Driving back on the m40, a police car in one of those lookout pointson the embankment. Me? I was doing about 75. Who knows.

I am trying not to let it ruin my evening. I'm doing okish so far, and i hope that by writing about it, this will help.

Have yuo ever heard of landmark education? I'm thinking about taking one of their seminars, either that or one by Anthony Robbins.

I just looked at the price of Anthony Robbins. hmmm maybe not right now.

My ankle is a little better, but not good enough for dancing. I hope that next Wednesday it will be good. And even better, I am off next week so that there will be no mad rush!

I feel really calm today. I have no idea why as it's the Tuesday after a bank holiday, which means that there is awful lot of catching up to do.

My ankle is a little less sore, although not perfect. I will give Ceroc a miss this week, and go next week as I feel certain that the dancing will involve a lot of quick turns which is likely to aggrevate my ankle.

We just had a fire alert here in my office. My block was on alert/standby and the main entrance was on evacuate. We had this guy who was very upset by it being on alert and not being allowed to leave and actually started being obnoxious and started swearing. A bit uncalled for really as it is my job to prevent people from going into areas which are potentially dangerous.

I did my gym programme Saturday and Sunday. I like the bike, but the treadmill hasn't got any easier. I think it will be a slow process, but with a PT (personal trainer) it means (i hope) that i won't get discouraged and lose hope.

Haven't I always said I have the best readers? In response to Steve's comment - I actually told him that I didn't like to have texts or messages like that and his rely was that he had never met anyone so sensitive and that as an adult he didn't feel he should have to watch what he said!

I am truly glad that this isn't a general view, and that there are still men out there who have respect and show politeness!

Hurrah!

Doesn't it make the guy who can't spell a much nicer bloke? I think i'll email him today!

Ooooh I had my first session with Leanne last night. My legs felt like jelly at one point, but i don't hurt today thank goodness. That's probably due to have a good stretch out. It's very different having someone stretch you to trying to do it yourself.

Apparently I am very flexible!

Ok gentle readers, if you were (or indeed are a woman) and some bloke that you hardly know mentions the word rape to you. Would you be offended?

Well, anyway i was. But apparently it's an everyday thing and is ok for discussion between two adults who don't know each other.

To me it isn't. and this same person has apparently never met any other woman who would be upset by it. So this makes me feel as if i am so different from everyone else.

I am glad that i have this blog, as it gives me a chance to just write about all this, instead of bottling it up and making myself very depressed.

I try not to think that maybe this is normal, and indeed i will never find anyone who would be a gentleman and not bring things like that up, even as a joke, until he knows me a bit better. Maybe it's hopeless.

I would like firstly to give a big shout out to Lewis who left a comment about my tree. I contacted the council, and i don't have a preservation order. They also gave me a list of council-approved tree surgeons who will give you a free quotation!

So my next steps are to finish mowing the lawn (hope the weather holds out!) and then give one a ring next week.

The council also tried to encourage me to keep the tree, but i hope to replace it with a much smaller, and more attractive looking specimen. Maybe something like a cherry tree. I think that when this is done, i will try my hand at designing. But i think i will proably still need to hire someone to help as parts of it will be beyond me.

I did a little more Latin last night after Body Balance. After starting TMA03 on sunday and realising that some of it comes from section 4A, i have decided to get on with that section and then return to the tma. As the tma isn't due until July, i don't feel too bad. But after Balance, i just wanted to sleep. Fortunately, the grammar exercises i did do weren't too bad.

I just cannot get the hang of participles (parts of section 3 of the book). So i have dug out Peter Jones' "Learn Latin" book, and i hope that having it explained in a different way will help.

Oh how i wish i had kept my old school exercise books!

Sometimes i wonder about my attitudes to some things. I registered with dating direct, and have had a short conversation with someone on there. But his words are badly spelled eg (internal sunshine instead of eternal sunshine!) and I find it a bit off putting.

I don't know...

I spent most of Saturday stressed and depressed. It wasn't good. Despite that, I got the back lawn mown.

Sunday I did most of the front lawn, and now just need to work up the courage to phone a gardener. I know it sounds silly, but I have little confidence over the phone. But i do want the tree in my front garden removed. And tidying up. Plus - The fence which is behind my tree has been broken! It looks like someone has careered into it. I would like a realyl lovely iron one, in the same vain is the council properties...

My personal trainer is called Leanne! She's completely mad and Welsh and my first proper session is on Thursday!

I forgot to mention. I bought a carpet for my study, but it's in Belgium. Don't ask why.

I also bought two large storage boxes from IKEA. One is for my winter/ski clothes and the other...well i don't know about that yet. They are very large which is both a good thing (plenty of neat storage space) and a bad thing (where will they go??).

Several people in my guestbook have mentioned that Sam had only 4 songs that she played. I think the other two were: Stephanie Says by the Velevet underground (i remember this as a fellow SSNP fan was called Stephanie!) and Natie New Yorker by Odyssey.

What do other fans think? Why not put it in my comments??

That was a subtle hint, by the way.

It's been ten years since i left KEHS. Live is definately not how i pictured it. The dreams I had for myself have basically gone. Sometimes I give up all hope, and other times I am positive and at least try to attain those things that are closest to my heart.

A home, a husband, children, a career!

A big shout out to the person at Staffs uni, and the person at Chester College who are reading Adorable!

Karting was ok. I had a lot of trouble reaching the pedals which meant that my legs were at full stretch and hence got tired very quickly. Ny back and shoulder and arms ache today and believe me a 15 minute stint was enough! Shall i go again? I'm not sure...

Adorable! Now with added comments!

So what have I been up to. Well, I've been more positive and signed up with datingdirect.com. I do deserve to meet someone special, someone who will treat me with respect.

I really, really need to redesign the entirety of littlebluenothing. I wonder if the OU do short courses in web design, because i could do it as a part of that and get credit!

Or maybe i should just not doing a course over the winter and concentrate on updating the site?

I bought a hammock from Asda on Saturday, and gave up on putting it together. I returned it on Sunday and bought a string-type hammock from Argos. It was lovely.

While it lasted. Being so big, the hammock is now very stretched and mybottom touches the grass when i sit on it. I think that i should buy myself a lovely new proper hammock when i have lost two stone.

Oh how i enjoyed lying in the sun with a book, gently swinging. It was a marvellous feeling.

Oh - I'm getting a personal trainer! Not every week, but enough to get me kick-started.

It's been a long time since i've written a proper update.

So what have I been up to?

I've been studying very hard, which takes up so much of my time. Marcus has his 3rd birthday, and he brings a smile to my face and joy in my heart whenever i see him.

There is nothing that can help you to rediscover the wonder of life as much as seeing it all afresh through the eyes of a 3 year old!

I thought i found someone, but he sent me a text with nasty things in it. It distressed me greatly, and i know that he is not right for me. I want someone who will treat me like a princess, as I believe that i truly deserve to be treated in that manner, rather than as a free whore.

I am coming to the slow realisation that my dream of a husband and children will not happen. It is extremely saddening, but there are many useful things that I can do with my time.

I have ordered a carpet for my study, and hope to finish this room off in the next month. Then i will look to ordering carpet for my bedroom and finish that off over the summer. Then hire someone to strip and wallpaper the 2nd bedroom....and so on! It never ends.

But i am tired of being ashamed of my house, and hope to have a lot done by exam time!

I completed 2003 annual return for the OUSA WM RF. Given my maths skills and confidence, this was a great challenge, and a real boost to me.

It seems as if it has been ages since I have written. In the time since my last update I have been to OUSA conference 2004, started painting my computer room again (a different shade of pink). I am hoping that i will get a new carpet put in there. There isn't anything wrong with the colour (green), but it really needs to be a more neutral colour. I have planted out some of my pots, and bought some strawberries! I am hoping that they will grow and give me some lovely cheap fruit over the summer. I am also thinking hard about my garden. I think i would like to get a proper gardener in to help redesign it.

I bought Halo and have spent many hours on it - which is where most of my hours went.

I am a little worried about my latin. I spent no time on it on my week off and am struggling somewhat with my TMA. I will try and finish it this week, and then intend to start learning for the rest of the week. Then on Sunday i will drop into my usual routine of translation and exercises throughout the week.

I think the hard part of the translation from english into latin. Never my favourite thing at the best of times.

I didn't have a very good weekend. At home i am able to dial into tesco.net for about 1.30 minutes, and then i am kicked off.

I found some dialer viruses, got rid of those, but still no joy. I did a full system restore. Oh joy. That fix the problem for about 10 hours, then it started again.

The pc is going to pcworld tomorrow.

I cannot begin to detail how many hours i spent on it. No more.

I am wearing contact lenses! I can get them in with ease, but last night it took nearly 30 minutes to get the left one out. My eye was extremely red and sore afterwards. I am not looking forward to tonight.

I have lost a stone with WW! It's going very slowly, but i think that this is the way to do it.

I spent thursday, Friday and the weekend painting my bedroom. It's probably a little darker than i would like, but it's the lightest shade of purple available. I few touch ups with white paint next weekend and it'll be done.

We had a new release of Body Balance last night. Claire was off, Maria was supposed to teach it, but we had another woman instead. It was still good though. Two of the tracks have been used before ("miserere" and "ain't it funny"), but they are both such great tracks that i'm not too unhappy about that and the moves...well i really felt them!

I had a look on the BTS site, and they haven't got the details of the latest release yet. But i noticed that they did have a list of the tracks for the last 5 or 6. Great! They didn't used to do that, and it used to be terribly hard to find out.

I am still very cross with myself for not managing to remove my contact lenses. I so long for a change. The optician told me to practice, but it seems so easy without the lens.

I don't know.

I had a funny day yesterday. I had a half-day and went to the opticians for my contact lenses. I can get them in, but i just cannot get them out. Which means i couldn't take them home. I am very upset, as i really wanted to wear contacts.

I'm to go back next Thursday and try again. There must be easy ways of doing this.

I went to Medea in the evening, which was a very challenging production as the chorus was all in Greek!

I am in my usual fit of fear and panic...i was doing about 72 or 73 on the m6 and there was a police car in the observation point just before junct 5. I have no idea if they are like cameras and only go for those doing 10% over... i am so frightened.

I don't even know why, as i am usually very careful, and it is unlikely i will ever get enough points to risk my licence.

Maybe having this though will finally help me to remember, and will help me to get over this fear.

I was trying to get home from my grandparents. And was feeling bad anyway, as they over feed me, and i find it quite tiring.

Because i have no-one in my life all i do is just replay it over and over again.

Snowed this morning, but it wasn't cold. Just soft snow, with no ice. Still had plenty of jams on the road though.

I'm fed up today - just a bit bored. I want to be at home...

I spoke with Mr Bevan and he is coming around on Tuesday to look at it and give me a quote. I am glad, it will mean that sometime this year I can get my bedroom decorated and looking nice.

I'm slowly getting over my cold. And i am now resigned to the fact that the spot that i had over my birthday has left a scar on my face. I don't know why it did that, and sadly it is too raised to be covered up subtley, so i am left like this now. Perhaps it is just as well that God has decided i should remain single, as no man will go out with me now.

I thought about going to that Chemistry thing that's being advertised on Heart - only to find that it's the same day as Medea! I hardly ever do anything, but as soon as i book something, everything else comes along on the same day.

I think i would prefer to go to Chemistry as i would like a boyfriend.

I think God has decided that i will be single for all my life. I feel so sad about that.

I went to balance last night. Really enjoyable, apart from the abs track, and the fact that during the 10 min relaxation track i was desperate to cough! I was shaking trying to hold it in!

I've phoned Mr Bevan, in the hope that he will be able to do the lining paper for my bedroom. I'm sure he will be reasonably priced - and i think it will help me to get settled a little easier.

Tonight i need to get some stamps, and send off: an order for some GGB books and some ousa expense forms. Then i need to do some grammar exercises... too busy!

I am poorly sick. I took friday afternoon off, i was feeling that bad - headachy, tired, streaming cold etc etc. I felt a little better when i got home and ended up deciding that i wanted to do a balance class at the gym. I looked on the timetable and there was a beginners yoga which i felt would suit me. but when i got there the instructor was away and instead there would be balance instead with Clare, which taught at livingwell! What a nice surprise.

It was good class, and i felt really relaxed after it. Sadly it didn't last and by bedtime on Friday i felt dreadful again.

I struggled through Saturday and and RF meeting and collapsed at home. Sunday i took easy, i went to the bullring for new sketchers (necessary as i have worn holes in my old pair and they aren't quite giving my ankles enough support anymore) and some training gloves to stop my hands from forming more callouses.

I think went to ikea for meatballs AND a hotdog (hmm ww would not have approved!) and then home again.

Today i have a cough and my eyes feel quite sensitive to the light in the office, but i feel more with it than Saturday. I may attempt a balance class tonight. I'm sure that breathing and stretching will do me some good.

Probably not going to lose at WW this week. I have a cold and have been guzzling lockets. And had a sandwich, chicken drumstick and two mini quiches as a "second" lunch.

oops.

Not that bad really, as i generally under eat every day, and still go to the gym.

Tonight i need to buy new boots (as the pair i am wearing now have a heel/side that is close to disintegration), wrapping paper and sellotape (for mum's present), fresh veg (for dinner). I'm going to be busy.

I think i should buy a portable steamer so that i can easily strip my walls.

I had hoped to get home on time last night, as i wanted to go to the gym. Sadly this didn't happen as my car battery was as flat as a pancake and it was 9:15 by the time i got home and had tea. This means i need to go tonight, and then about 12 hours later on Saturday morning. I just hope I am up to it.

I could have done with relaxing tonight as well. That's life.

I have had a few goes with my camera, there are a lot of menus, but hopefully i will get used to it. It's very different from my point and shoot analogue camera!

I have also booked tickets with Sue to see Medea in Wolverhampton. I am lookin forward to finally seeing this play!

Other than that I have been busy busy busy.

The same day i'm going to see Medea i'm going to try out some contact lenses! They are ready now, but the first Sarturday that's free is in 27th March. This date is at least a week sooner.

The lenses were only created in Nov and my eyes are at limit of what they are suitable for (my eyes are not exactly good! I'm very short sighted and have quite an astygmatism) but i'm going to try. If they don't work, i'll wait another 18 months and see what is available then. One day i should post my prescription on here!

I got my camera! I hope to take a few pictures and have something to post next week. I am busy busy this weekend, so probably won't have time to do anything then.

I had a study session with Sue last night. I'mnot sure i really helped. I do hope she passes. I have WW, GYm, Opticians and OUSA branch commitee meeting on Saturday. About 2 horus to myself!

Had rather a bad day. Ate two veggie samosas. Very yummy, but full of fat.

I should be able to pick my camera up tomorrow morning. How exciting!

Lindsay came around on Monday, bought me a lovely candle as a birthday present, and a box of dme snaps as a "sorry" present. Sdly i ate half the box of dime snaps. What with that, the creperie on Saturday and an extra jacket potato i'm a bit worried about weigh-in this week. I've kept up the exercise though...i don't feel too bad, just in need of snacky things.

I'm going to go to boots at lunch time, maybe stock up on some of their crisps which are a point each.

Or not. Just got back from boots. Their salt and vingers sticks are 2 points. But very tasty though. I had a crayfish and rocket sandwich at 5 points (worth it definately- - so i'm hoping i won't be too hungry by this evening.

I have no idea ow i'm going to manage when i have to eat even less! Fill up on low point soup maybe?

I am so glad that's over. and i can begin to get upwards and smiling again.

I did go for lunch with Sue, but she wasn't well and we had to cut things short. I spent my birthday evening alone.

Lindsay is supposed to be bringing around my card today.

I could cry, but i had to think about how I can make things more positive next year. I am losing weight (2 pounds this week, i had hoped for more), although having crepes on Saturday and a large jacket potato with egg mayo and cheese on Sunday won't help.

I got my Liz Earle stuff, great! And i ordered a digital camera for myself. I hope it arrives.

I can hardly believe it. Friday night's won't be the same again. I always listened to a Kick up the Eighties coming back home on a Friday night, and now the DJ - Tushar- is dead. What a waste of a good person.

On a lighter note - did i mention i lost 5mm from my triceps and 1 mm from my subscapula? Apparently i've gained 1cm to my stomach though! Oh well.

Birthday tomorrow. Definately booked into the creperie with Sue, that should be nice!

Ok the good news. I lost 5.5 pounds! This is great. Now i just have to stick with it. I had a jacket potato with chili and cheese, on Saturday, but ther rest of this week i'm just going to stick to what i've been eating.

The bad news is that i'm feeling depressed again as my birthday is coming up. All of my friends are too busy to celebrate my birthday with me. Well i say all, Sue is doing a grand job, and i'm hoping to book a table at the Pear Tree for a birthday lunch. Very civilised!

I didn't sleep well on Saturday, the wind was howling fiercely.

Well, i've given up hope from hearing from my last two matches at speedating. oh well.

I nearly had no-one to spend my birthday with. Lindsay is busy. But Sue and her husband are free - perhaps go for an Italian? I refuse to spend my birthday with strangers again.

Sometimes it all seems very unfair.

I now have a recipe for alow point fritatta. Two turkey rashers (hopefully i'll be able to freeze the rest from a packet), a tomato, mushrooms, two egss and a little milk. This might be a lovely Friday night meal.

I think i'm going to need something for an afternoon snack. Raw carrot sticks, do NOT appeal. All my favourite foods are quite high pointed (potatoes, pasta) i'll also need scales. boo!

I might make some soup, the WW magazine had some recipes in it, and a low point freezer-friendly soup might be just the trick.

Joined weightwatchers - I have a lot to lose. It doesn't seem too bad so far, i clearly need to eat a lot more fruit and veg. I'm going to buy some frozen mixed veg, and eat that with a tin of tomatoes with something else. No idea what yet!

I met up with Susan on Saturday, i like her a lot. I hope that we will become good friends!

I am HUNGRY.

I tok a picture of what my car looked like last night, when i get through the film, i will hopefully get it scanned in. I was so glad of my grandma-knitted scarf.

I sent of tma02 for at272. i found it very boring, and i'm glad it's gone! I may not even count this towards my degree...

Tonight is Jyoti's leaving do. We are going to Ask in Warwick. I will be said to see her go, although she is going onto better things in Leeds. I have started updating my CV. I'm doing it bit by bit so i don't get too bored. I did a lot of the formatting today, which is the annoying fiddly bit!

I did kick-box aerobics last night, which was a big disappointment. The music was too loud and the instructor had no mic, so i couldn't hear a lot of what she was saying. There appeared to be little structure, and the cool down and stretching was not good enough.

I have been spoilt doing Body Combat, which is very structured and has decent warm up and cool down tracks (very important after a high impact class). Pity really.

I've been looking at the civil service website, and having a long think. I need something with more challenge, and less emphasis on money-making. But the selection process is very tough. Also, i cannot apply until late this year. My first degree is high enough, and i would assume that my OU work, would make me look willing to learn new skills...but i don't do well in tests, and i don't like interviews. My first step, though, is to update my cv. I need to do it for work, so i can get our HR person to review it. I would also wonder how my previous mental health problems would look.

I am so much better now, that it is untrue. I've finally discovered me and what i like (QVC!), and enjoy things so much better. Of course, being alone with no single friends is a pain, but at least i'm doing something about that.

I guess the only answer is to try. I have a lot to offer.

The new series of CSI is on tonight! woohooo! wish it was miami though and proper CSI was on Saturday nights, but there you go. I might also try and watch the new L&O spin-off. I should also try and learn 3rd noun form.

Not a good weekend. Some guy from a different branch ruined my buzz. I was trying to be helpful, by being straight and telling the truth that OUSA central needs to have certain forms of paperwork before a branch is considered open. He didn't like this, and i was accused of being negative. Pity i was right really.

As having a positive outlook is very important to my mental health, well this just set me back.

I didn't go to weight watchers, and my car was in partically all day being serviced (250 quid). And even today, i can feel myself slipping.

I did, however, have a really lovely roast dinner at the weatherspoons in Sutton. beef, roasties, two yorkshires and lovely veg and a drink for under a fiver. Sadly some of the veg was peas, which i don't eat, but next time i might try and get them to swop the peas for carrots.

I'm thinking about joining Weight Watchers.

Oh speedating. Well, there were more men this time and the dates really were three short minutes. A few blokes i liked, sadly the one i really did didn't tick me, but there you go. I stayed for an extra hour and half. I got to know these chinese/welsh sisters who were very funny and we chatted with this bloke that i described on my scorecard as "mad". Not BF potential, if you were thinking that.

I'm meeting up with a sutton ousa member next saturday. She's really nice, and i hope that she'll become a good friend.

I've given up on tma02 - i'm going to get the info for citiations done and print out. I'll give Latin a go tonight. I might also pop around to Lindsays and see how she's doing.

My spots still haven't gone. They are quite painful. I hope this isn't a repeat of the weird infection i had on my legs. I think i must just be very germy.

The expensive moisturiser is doing ok. It will last a long time, so was worth the money. I like the Liz Earle cleanse and polish too, although i think that when this spot/infection clears up i will be able to better tell.

I should really send the brochure to my sister. She has easily irritated skin, and this is a lovely natural range.

Friday night i wasn't very well, and was up several times in the night with tummy ache. I was tired for most of Saturday which was a shame because i had OUSA WM RF in the afternoon and accidentally jumped a red light (which is causing me to lose sleep, over what might happen) as well as Sutton branch meeting in the evening. The branch meeting went very well, about 25 people turned up. Some are interested in standing for officers, and many are interested in social activities. From there, hopefully we can get things going.

Sunday i had a flat tire, but managed to get it changed before going to Leicester to visit my grandparents.

Yet again i did no work on TMA02. It's just rather dull.

I finally got round to doing the washing up. I hate doing it on a week night becayse it's generally very cold in the kitchen. I'm going to ring up to get my heating serviced and find out if it's possible to have a timer put on it. It woudl be lovely to have it going for an hour before i got home.

I have a Sutton Coldfield OUSA branch meeting tomorrow, to try and get things running again. I'm a bit nervous about going to a pub on my own, even though i know some people will be turning up (evenif only to get A103 videos off me!). I may need a lie-in on Sunday to manage.

Or not ring up. I tried the number i had, but sadly the Thompson directory is wrong! I now have the correct number, but the company is a fair few miles away. I will look again tonight.

I am so tired i think the best thing for me would be an early night.

I've looked at the episode guide for "without a trace" and it turns out that the first episode C4 showed was episode 2. This would explain why i didn't understand some of the references to showing one of the characters up...Also turns out that this weeks episode will be episode 5!

I didn't have time to do my washing last night, so i shall probably have to go to the gym tomorrow. Oh well.

I bought myself a face pack and a new on the spot type cream. My face is a lot less sore, which is good.

It was snowing at lunchtime! It's stopped now, but it brought back memories of my holiday last year. It's stopped now. The only thing, ok one of them, that i didn't enjoy was that after an hour of ski school, i simply HAD to go to the toilet. I just couldn't wait until lunch.

We've had another person leave, this time to go to work on a project in Leeds. It will be ideal for her. Me, well maybe i'll think a bit more seriously about it. I don't want to move away from the Midlands though.

Well, i have 100 words to right on my TMA. This includes the conclusion, and maybe a little refining of some sections. This will be done well before it's due, and i'm glad. I'll work a little more on the conclusion tonight.

I have ordered a try me pack from liz earle. I need to get intoa good routine, and all natural ingredients sounds good to me!

Tonight i should go to the gym. I have my kit in the car, but i'm very tired. I hope i'm not coming down with something as Saturday i will be busy most of the do with OUSA stuff, and Sunday i'm going to Leicester.

Speaking of the gym. After spending time in the steam room both Saturday and sunday i now have loads of spots. grrrrreat. They look horrid, and are also rather painful.

I need to get my arse in gear.

I did no work on my TMA over the weekend. In fact, on Sunday night, when i was back at mum's, i thought i might do some but it turned out that i had left my notes at my house. I have something like 200 words left and that includes my conclusion. Hopefully i may be able to finish this tonight.

This then leaves plenty of time to ensure that my citations are correct and that the whole thing makes sense. There are a couple of bits which i don't think i've really explained fully. Overall, i believe that this will mean i have passed the course.

I went to the gym twice this weekend, and am taking part in this months challenge. Whomever loses the most body fat (percentage) wins a heart rate monitor.

Unfortunately i made cheese straws this weekend, so that probably counteracts it. At least it gets me going to the gym though. I'm planning on going tomorrow and Thursday, which gives me a little time to rest between sessions.

I finished TombRaider: AOD, and didn't do any wallpaper stripping.

A product weekend!

Tonight, I'm going to get some make done at the Estee Lauder counter at Boots at the Fort. I don't know whether i will buy anything. I saw Liz Earle products on QVC which seem ideal for me. Plus Liz Earles skin looks wonderful. I'm going to keep the EL moisturiser and not buy anything new as it does seem to suit my skin. I'm thinking about buying her mini essentials kit, which is 15 pounds. I can try them out, and i do get a mini moisturiser with it. I'll think on it, and see what happens tonight.

I phone my grandparents today. My Grandma is not well. She hasn't been the same since the burglary. I will go and see them on Sunday.

I know that eventually they will die, but it's different with them. My other set of Grandparents preferred my mum's brother and his family. Despite the fact that it was my family who looked after them...well it didn't seem to matter to them. I don't miss them at all, and in fact didn't attend my maternal grandmothers funeral. Sounds heartless I know, but there you have it. But my paternal Grandparents are different, and with them all links to my Father's side of the family will be gone. I envy those people who have large families.

I've decided that i need to get back in touch with my faith again, but I don't want to go somewhere were being single marks me out. There is a church called Riverside that seems quite youthful.

Booked my second speed dating event, so I am doing ok on my resolutions. I will be going to the gym tomorrow and sunday too.

I did another hundred words last night, and maybe i can get a few more. This is just rather boring now.

Oh well, as the song says...soon be over.

Tonight is TH2. Again, it wasn't organised properly and now i have to head to the south side of birmingham. No time to go home. I'm getting a bit fed up of it really.

I had the day off yesterday, as i had a "partner" day which was supposed to be taken off as part of the Christmas holiday.

I spent 30 quid on a moisturiser...hmmm a lot of money, but sometimes a girl likes to feel pampered. I also sat in a Streetka. Nice....

The electric cinema closed down. so sad, as i enjoyed watching a film with a slice of cake.

So how am i doing with my resolutions?

Well, i went to Spice hits town on Saturday. I danced for an hour, until my feet got
sore! I said hallo to many different people and Gary said that seeing me was the highlight
of his evening! I also met someone who was on the Saalbach trip, but whose name i cannot
remember. He inspired me to go back to the gym.

Which leads me into the next resolution. I went to the gym yesterday (and i hurt
today!) and have asked for one of the PTs to contact me about having some RBT sessions. I
need a kick start.

I've also arranged to see the optician with a view to getting contact lenses. I don't know whether softer ones are possible, but if anyone knows it will be my optician. They are a small, independant, family-run business. I've been going there for something like twenty-years, and as a small child i had to have eye tests every six months so i got to know the optician and the receptionist very well. They often send away to Europe to get the lenses for my glasses. More expensive, but so much lighter than NHS lenses, believe me! So if anyone knows about somewhere i can get good contacts, it will be them.

I have nearly 700 more words to write for my tma. About a weeks worth of work, which is fine. But i think i can only manage about 250. Still, i do still have a lot of time, and will keep to my 100 words a day, which means that if i do a little more over the weekend, i cold be finished by next Monday. Maybe. Or take a few breaks to allow for more ideas ro develop.

This part of the course, well the medieaval part hasn't interested me quite so much and i find it a chore even to type it up!