I've been a bit off an on with Slimming world. I believe that i will lose weight; but if i stick to it properly i would see a better loss. Although with all my snacking at work, i'm not that hungry in the evening...

I think i hav lost some weight; but my scales are not the best indicator.

I went for my second trip to the dentist. The crumbly tooth has now gone, i had a mould taken for a crown and a temporary thing put in it's place. The temporary thing feels huge, and i can't bite down evenly now. I hope the crown fits better. I have a stonking headache...

I didn't really do anything that i had planned at all! I went out with Joolz, Kate and their friends Claire, Kat and Craig. I liked going to the pub, but we ended up at the Actress and Bishop. The music was a good eclectic mix, but it was so loud my ears hurt. I ended up having to go into the toilets because my ears couldn't take it.

Why do people set off fireworks at 3pm? It's not even dark!

Poor charlie is terrified...

It's been a crazy few days. The exam, well, meh, i don't know. I hate exams. I think i did enough to pass, but frankly i'm not sure.

I've decided to venture to SW tonight; see what another group is like and whether it suits me better.

I feel generally under the weather, so i'm going out clubbing Saturday night. Cos a late night is bound to do me some good.

That was sarcasm, by the way. I want to go out, because i want to have a life and see people and be normal. But i'm quite tired, and my glands are swollen. I want to get my hair cut on Saturday too...

I'm feeling quite poor as on the morning of my exam one of my teeth crumbled. I had a root canal done abuot 7 years ago, and now it needs a crown. I'll spend the next couple of Thursdays getting it down, and it's going to set me back 189 quid. With my BHSF plan i can claim back a good proportion of this (125 quid), so i can just about afford it. I don't know how long the claims take to come through. The website says 3 working days, so i will see next week if i get it back. I hate having to send original receipts, i'm always slightly worried that they won't make it.

And i was doing so well money-wise. I also yesterday got another stonechip, which means that autoglass will need to do a full windscreen replacement. Still, at least it won't affect my no-claims discount.

Looking at my BHSF form i can claim chiropody treatments against it; so i can see myself going and finding a chiropodist and finally trying to get my in-growing toenails sorted.

Not feeling too brilliant; didn't feel terrible brilliant the whole weekend really. I treated myself to an italian with garlic bread. The garlic did perk me up a bit. I'm really just hanging on until after my exam tomorrow...

I was even worse last night, i ended up buying battered sausage and chips. It was a huge mistake, and i have learned from it, so i guess that is positive.

Ok, well maybe not learned completely, but i've learend that i do need the discipline of accountability...

The gig was ok, the keyboards were fine, but Immy was wearing a radio mic and most of the time it didn't pick up her voice. People were talking all the way through her set and some people even booed when she had to stop because she was recovering from illness and had to take sips of tea to help her throat. I wish i had gone to see her at WAC now. Oh well!

It looks like on call is going to go at work, so i am rather glad that i have managed to pay off my credit card before that happened! I used the last on call money to pay off most of my ou short course, and when i get the credit card bill i'll pay off the rest (should be about 15 quid). This means that this month i will have around 50 quid to go straight into my car fund. If i can save that money each month by this time next year i should have a good fund of money to pay for my repair/mot bills from. Of course i will have to pay for Januarys car bill, but i'm hoping that it won't be too much, and that i now finally have everything under control.

I went a bit naughty yesterday. I had a banana, tuna baguette AND chips. Result 2lbs on. I didn't have any tea though, i just wasn't hungry. I will steer well clear of chips today. I'm currently muching on carrot sticks and hummous, and i'll have a baguette for lunch and see how i go.

Tonight i'm off to see Immy i hope the arrangements are better than they were for the pips as i hardly saw anything there...

I couldn't wait a week. I was so hungry driving home that i knew it was time to finish. As i don't really have anything much at home i bought a birds eye steam fresh salmon and dill, and some mashed root veggies. Apart from the fact that the salmon had green beans in, it was pretty nice. I felt very full, and left about 1/3 of the veggies to be eaten by me tonight.

I didn't put on any weight, so i am going to ease myself back into eating and drinking again. I don't want to carb-load as i understand that this truly will increase my weight quickly even if it's healthy stuff like a jacket potato. I felt so much better after eating though.

I decided to have a tuna baguette. I just feel so much better eating... i also weirdly feel in control. I hope that this lasts. I've spent a little money buying another cook book, one of thosebooks for one person. I have a lot of books with yummy recipes in, but oftenthere are for 4-6 people. I know that i would be tempted to scoff the lot. I'm hoping that it will give me simple ideas for cheap meals, and that they can be adapted to fit in with slimming world. I feel so positive today!

I've made a decision that at the end of this week i'm going to come off Cambridge. I'm finding it far too difficult to maintain any kind of life, and my weight loss has slowed down quite dramatically. I am giving a lot of thought about what i am going to eat though, so that i don't pile on what i have lost (which i hope to be 1.5 stone). Mainly veggies and protein. This is quite a departure for me, as i used to eat mainly carbs (potatoes, pasta etc).

I am thinking about going back to slimming world, as it does work, and does mean that i can have a life. It does also mean though that at 2lbs a week, it could take me well over a year. I haven't felt brilliant and healthy doing Cambridge. My skin and hair haven't looked well and i feel hungry pretty much all the time.

I worked my way through all the blocks, and i'm now reading the essay book. I am so nervous about this exam. I also feel like i'm coming down with a cold, which is not helping matters. I did enjoy watching Ancient Rome on the BBC, it gave some background to the Gracchi which isn't present in my block, although it rather neglected to mention that Tiberius had a brother who carried on his reforms. When i realised that i knew that i had learned something!

Going back to slimming world, i doubt that i will go back to the group i was going to. It wasn't inspirational or motivational. There are a few others in my area, not so close for sure, but if they are better than i'm willing to travel. Heck, if i get that bike i could even cycle! The meeting i am thinking of going to is on a Thursday, which again means no alpha. I am thinking that maybe God wants me to get healthy instead... I'm also thinking about going back to Ceroc on Wednesday. Not this week, obviously, since this is my last full week of revising, but perhaps next week. I'll need to keep an eye on my arm, as i really don't want to have to come into work with my mouse arm hurting...

There were samosas at work the smell is wafting through the office. I am nearly crying as i want one so badly. I am so close to jacking it all in.

I am going to give it a week and see how i fare. Maybe it would be better to do this a "normal" way...

I am quite cream-crackered, so tonight i'm going to take it easy and finish off my work on augustan poetry which is easy to understand and tape to dvd and watch a film i recorded. tomorrow when i am feeling a bit fresher i will tackle the roman republic.

I deliberately didn't mention it, but yesterday i had an interview for a new role. I'm not sure how it went, we had a good chat, and i felt i said a lot of good things. Technically i probably don't have the skills right here and now, but i am a fast learner and i truly believe that if given a book (if they can't send me on a course) then i could pick it up and run with it. I don't know if they have interviewed anyone else for the role, so i shall just be patient and wait.

I've been looking into cheap accomodation for a possible trip to London in november or December. I've found that i could book a little studio apartment for 40 quid a night. Not bad really, especially since i don't (at present) need a hotel with a restaurant. The studio apartment has a kitchenette with a microwave! I'm not sure that i'm really up to hostelling and sharing a bathroom anymore!

According to my scales this morning i have put on more weight and now weight the same as last week. I am sloely coming to the decision that perhaps i should not trust these scales, but do as i did last time i lost a lot of weight, and just weigh myself on Boots scales. As i honestly cannot see how i can possibly stay the same when i am consuming under 500 calories a day. If however, the boots scales confirm this and the samething happens next week I am going to have to have a serious rethink about what i am doing. Since there seems to be no point.

The alpha course was good last night, although i did feel quite a bit of disappoval at not eating. I had to say multiple times that i didn't want anything and felt under quite a bit of pressure. Once again though i didn't give in, and perhaps that's why i'm slightly down this morning as something in me feels that when i say know to the food i want i should see a corresponding drop in weight.

I am going to start doing some exercise, the exam is looming over me at present but that's over in 11 days (which is a scary thought) and then i have no excuse not to get out and move, and no real reason not to do so either.

I've just realised that Imogen Heap is next Thursday, so i can't do Alpha! Oh well...

I've decided to go on an alpha course run by Yardley Baptist tonight. According to the AA it will take me 15 mins to get from my house to the house its being held in. I reckon it's close to 30 mins! I will time tonight, but at least it means that i can get home have a soup, feed the cat and then go out in plenty of time. There is a meal at the beginning which bothers me a little as i really do not enjoy explaining that i'm not eating and then refusing when it's pushed on me a further time. I want to be strong on lose this weight and get on with doing the things that i want to do and can't because i'm too big.

I'm definately revising this weekend. I hope to have finished all bar the gracchi section of block 4, and then whizz my way through block 5 which is my favourite. I'm not really feeling positive about the exam, but i just have to trust that i can do it. To be honest, i'm feeling a bit tired, maybe i need a break or something...

After my exam is over and done i'm hoping to do a little recreational skating again, and see how my feet stand up to it. I'd love to do Ceroc again, as it is so energetic but it just hurts my arm so much.

I think the hardest thing about this is wanting to eat and nto eating and then beating myself up because it is my own fault for letting myself get so fat.

If i want to lose my 4lbs this week i have to effectively lose a pound a day. I don't think i can do that. So i'm going to try and aim for two. I am only my second pint of water of the day, so i'm actively trying to increase my water uptake.

Bit downhearted today as after my night out last night my morning weight went up. It looks like i might only lose a pound this week, which is very hard. As if this is how it's going to be, i might as well head back to slimming world...

It was tough watching everyone eating and drinking. I did eat one thing - a chinese style slice of cucumber. Just one, mind! I did that as it was 8pm and i was very hungry and new that if i didn't take that i would probably drive into maccy d's on the way home...

I doubt that that would have caused the weight to go up as in truth, i am allow two tablespoons of greens and, well, you know cucumber, it was mainly water!

I'm going to read Mike's diary to try and keep myself focused and postive.

Chicken BLT wraps at lunch today. My all time favourite meal, and it was a killer watching people eat it. But i survived and here i am with a rumbley tummy drinking my chocolate tetra brik.

I keep reminding myself that this isn't forever...

I am so cold too. It gets below 15 degrees and i can't cope! I think i was meant to have been born in a much warmer climate. I hate winter, i hate cold. See this time of year i would normally be thinking about creating warm foods....

I worked out that i have over 8 stone to lose. That is a lot. A serious amount...

I'm wearing my green jumper with little fake pearls on it today. I haven't worn it in ages because it was getting rather tight! Now it fits well which is another incentive for me to keep going.

It's odd about the different reactions that people have. One person can't believe i'm doing it, another who is supportive and says that perhaps i shouldn't go to lunch. Although i think it's a good idea as it makes me strong and prepares me for when i have to go to places and which people eat. At least at work i have the choice so it's good for me to be used to it!

I had my first choc mint shake last night. I did it hot and it's smelt lovely. Unfortunately it tasted vile and i just couldn't drink it. It's a shame. Especially since i have several more sachets of the stuff! Still, i think the hunger is finally beginning to go as it wasn't over bothered that i didn't have the whole thing.

It seems to have taken me longer than most people to get to this stage, possibly because i ate a lot of carbs and sugar before and it's taking me a while to get rid of them...or something...maybe my body is just as stubborn as my spirit!

Ok maybe that was then - now (around midday) i feel weak and shaky.

I'm still thinking about getting a bike, but wondering if i should wait until Christmas as there are often sales on then...

I'm also thinking about getting my bathroom done. The price on my company shares is going up so i currently have around 10k. That money i decided a long while back is specifically for home improvements. And my bathroom truly does need to be done. It's gross and not really well designed. I would love to give someone a couple of thousand and say - do it! On the vale where "Choices" used to be a new bathroom shop has opened up, i wonder if they do it... a little task for Saturday methinks.

I feel as if i've had a new lease of life. I'm going to get my house fixed up...i've essentially done nothing on it the last year partly through laziness and partly through being much too depressed. Yes, i want to get my bathroom done. Then i'm going to get my last bedroom done and then carpet upstairs, down the stairs and in the hall.

My scales and my CDC's scales seem to vary a bit, so i'm going on what my scales say - and according to them i finally did manage to lose that 4lbs! Woohoo! I lost a pound over the weekend, and if i can lose another 3, by next weekend i should be bang smack on 15 stone and slipping down into the 14's. This is a big achievement for me.

My CDC seemed surprised that i still feel hungry, and boy do i ever. But at this point in time the weightloss is balancing out. I keep focusing on that and i don't eat. Tomorrow is going to be hard. I've had to organise a night out for work. Now normally i wouldn't go, but i guess since i organised it i should go. No drinking and no food whilst everyone else is scoffing nachos is going to be very hard (as i do like nachos). I may eat a little chicken to try to blend in...

I don't like sticking out, and this crazy diet is definately making me do that. But i keep focusing...according to the graphs i could be at my bmi by march....although how much of that will be horrible lose baggy skin?

I went a bit crazy on spending this weekend. I put myself in the queue for a WII and a pink DS lite, which came to 40 quid together, and i spent 30 quid on clothes and accessories at newlook and a bought the router as a present to myself for losing a stone! Good job i got a "bonus" in this months payslip. The bonus is instead of a payrise...lets not go there. Although before you comment, i did get a good end of year review. To get a pay rise i have to get another role, and i'm trying to do it as i really would like payrise! So all of the above is coming out of my bonus.

I could cheerfully murder a tuna jacket right now. I had 4 little tins of tuna at work, and i took them home this week. Charlie has been loving his little treat! I suspect that he wishes the tins were larger though!

I worked my way through block 1 and 2 over the weekend. By Sunday night i couldn't take anymore and i pored through some cookery books (which are now like porn to me). It's weird but even the salads look really tasty to me now. Maybe when i'm back eating again i'll be eating more salads and fruit and veg in general...
<>POne of the guys at work is sick of me ot eating and wanted to know how long i'm going to keep it up. He was appalled when i said that it would probably be until March (if i lose 4lbs each week). He mentioned Christmas and that there would be a lot of eating.

This is true, although i am planning on only eat christmas dinner at mum's and nothing else. I can make it healthy by eating meat, veggies and only a little potato. I'm so disciplined right now that i think i could do it and go straight back to sole source the next day. By December i could potentially be 11 stone 12 and that would surely be enough to spur me to get back on plan. Wow 11 stone 12, it's been probably 6 years since i've been that slim...

My CDC wanted to know if anyone had commented, but honestly unless you look really closely you probably can't tell that i've lost weight. I think when i hit the 12's that people will really be able to see a difference. I'm not losing it from my face, but from around my stomach and i have a long way to go.

Stop it! I'm not going to dwell on that.

I played too much katamari. Saturday night i was dreaming about rolling things up...

Oh no... someone has got chips from the canteen and has brought them back to their desk....help..the smell....so good...

15 stone 4

15 stone 4
Originally uploaded by smallkat.