What a surprise. He said no.

I am more confused than ever. Blondie says that he doesn't have an issue with me, and that he sometimes comes over as being off with me but doen't mean to be. He says that he's being careful not to talk to people about things they don't need to know (which is good, as it was just too much and some of the things were much too graphic), and that everything is fine.

Except to me, it isn't.

We don't talk at all now. We don't go to lunch together, and haven't for months. I really miss it.

I know that in my head i probably made our friendship to be more than he thought it was. But then again, he did call me and verbally dump so much on me for hours and hours,i guess that it was understandable.

But him not having an issue with me, is such a lie in my eyes.

Saturday night, when we were in Loft for Orion's birthday, when we were at one of the bars, Orion went around kissing everyone - as he does. Then i think it was his aunty said Blondie should too.... so he did - everyone apart from me... and then there was this large pause, so i had to say - no it's fine if you don't want to, in front of everyone.

I felt so uncomfortable, even after he blurted out something about it being against policy for co-workers...

And we aren't exactly talking a full-on snog here.

I am more confused than ever. Blondie says that he doesn't have an issue with me, and that he sometimes comes over as being off with me but doen't mean to be. He says that he's being careful not to talk to people about things they don't need to know (which is good, as it was just too much and some of the things were much too graphic), and that everything is fine.

Except to me, it isn't.

We don't talk at all now. We don't go to lunch together, and haven't for months. I really miss it.

I know that in my head i probably made our friendship to be more than he thought it was. But then again, he did call me and verbally dump so much on me for hours and hours,i guess that it was understandable.

But him not having an issue with me, is such a lie in my eyes.

Saturday night, when we were in Loft for Orion's birthday, when we were at one of the bars, Orion went around kissing everyone - as he does. Then i think it was his aunty said Blondie should too.... so he did - everyone apart from me... and then there was this large pause, so i had to say - no it's fine if you don't want to, in front of everyone.

I felt so uncomfortable, even after he blurted out something about it being against policy for co-workers...

And we aren't exactly talking a full-on snog here.

But anyway... i shall ask him if he wants to go to lunch. if he says no then there clearly is an issue.

Today i'm back to normal balance, and i decided to tell Blondie that if he really wanted, i would completely back off. He just said he was too busy. So i guess that that is a yes. So lonely. I mean, i know he wasn't much of a friend, that it was all one way...but i guess it made me feel special.

I've been replaced in both Blondie and Orion's lives. Orion hardly ever answers the phone to me now. Blondie rarely speaks to me.

I guess it was inevitable, but as i have never been in this position before...

I'm selfish. I want a friend, someone that i can speak to each night. But in return, i would listen and help and be there...

Been a weird few weeks. So unhappy. Ill with shingles. Lonely.