Thoughts about no future

I find it so hard to go into branches sometimes. It seems as if everywhere i go I see engagements and weddings, babies on the way and families.
I come home to a cold and empty house. Lonely. I can't go skating because I don't get home in time.
I need to find something to occupy my time.

I feel as if I have no-one I can confide in, and I can't use this as a way to talk about my worries. I just try and remember that I am lucky to have my skating ladies and lads. They fill me with love that is almost unconditional.

Weather

What terrible weather today. The visibilty on the drive to today's branch was so poor. I much prefer the crisp, cold yet sunny weather to this dampness. My little car is getting such a work out.
I have a such a lot to do today. Tidy and wash up at home, then out to the cinema to see 2012.
I want to be a more tidy and organised person at home. I think it will help me feel calmer.

CCR

Vaguely awake. Now I can write more on the subject. So privileged and proud to be associated with such a bunch of wonderful gals and guys. I get so much more from them than i could ever possibly give back.
I need to lose a ton of weight so that I can actually play properly. That would be a good way to pay back.
I just get so much love and friendship. I get to know a diverse bunch of people who I would never normally have spoken to. I have grown so much in confidence. How could I think of leaving the league?
I may not have a best friend, but I have a whole group of friends who are there for me... No matter what.

CCR

CCR are two. I am so glad that i have such a wonderful bunch of people in my life. Kind and caring guys and girls. Funny and crazy !

Feeling quite gutted. One of my colleagues went for the same role as me, her interview the day after mine... she has already had her second round interview, and i have heard nothing. Not even a thanks, but no thanks.

Gutted as i think it would be been a great opportunity for me, but that is life. Something better will turn up.

Also gutted that Tatman and Moni are moving to Surrey. I shall miss them terribly. Tatman is always there for me, keeping me positive.

Some good will come of this, i am sure.

I keep thinking, i could use the time off to get my CCNA, do some work on my house, rest.

Things going as always. I see an improvement in my skating. Still very slow, but i can now get up if i do a right knee fall. It might take me a couple of attempts, but i can do it! My next goal is to work at that until i can do it on the first attempt for the whole of a session. Then get my other leg stronger so i can do it on that one. Then work on knee dips. It has taken me 18 months, but i have done it!

Very proud of myself.

I guess i'm making all the mistakes that most people made in their teens and twenties now...as i had no opportunity to make them then. Probably at this age it just hits you harder...or something.

I just felt as if he was the one... not a blinding light buld..just... more.. as if it was meant to be.

But as per usual, am probably wrong.

And maybe i'm wrong about this too...and he is actually wanting to go out with me but too shy to say..