Still slowly going through my OU work. Am onto tma03 now. The first two parts are written and just need typing up and a bit of polishing. The final part, 700 words, i am just starting. Maybe i will finish it by the weekend. That would be good. Especially since it needs to be handed in by the 11th!

I am enjoying the course, and the tutorials very much. But writing essays...well i always did have problems with those.

My mum now have freeview...you now what that means? QVC!! I love that station, so funny.

I'm looking for something...more..i miss the chatter from my EQ friends, despite having had nothing to do with EQ in...nearly three years.and that guild i think got swallowed up a year ago. It's the companionship i miss. I was so involved in it, went to a meet and chatted all day by email and all night on EQ.

I don't get that kind of connection with my RL friends. Of course, if i started EQ i wouldn't have that companionship again.

And of course, i should spend that time doing something productive like my OU course, or going to the gym (haven't done that in a while).

Decided to start playing Grandia again. The game makes me so happy. but it makes me a hermit. I need to get out more...

I'm also going to redesign a website for a church association. These are the things i enjoy. That and animals!

And today i got pulled into an office by my manager and told basically that my outburst and leaving the office for a while a few weeks ago was not acceptable. I mean, i know that...but telling me that doesn't help. It just makes me feel even worse than i already am.

And it did. I am truly beginning to wonder if i should stay here. Or if its just a temporary blip. I hope it's a blip. But maybe...oh i don't know. I have so much fear and anger inside, and its killing me.

Got phoned this morning. Apprently the company doing my back door have messed up completely and fitted the kitchen door into the patio door. I am dreading going home tonight and seeing what they have done to my home.

Life seems to hard now. With my home ruined and the threat of redundancy and so so alone.

It's still very depressing at work. I am constantly worried about redundancy, but HR doesn't seem too bothered at the moment. I just can't stop worrying. I've even been considering changing jobs...

I saw someone from icas on Friday, which did help a little. But the effects only lasted a few hours.

Saturday..(yes i know this is disjointed, but then i feel that way completely right now) i met a cat. The cat was sitting underneath a hedge on my road. It was meowing and so me being me i meowed back. We had a brief conversation and i persuaded it to come out from beneath the hedge. I have never heard such a vocal cat, and so friendly to. The cat followed me to my house and then followed me to my car. When it saw i was getting into my car, it carried on it's way.

I really miss having a cat.

Then i went and spent 40 pounds (!) on cosmetics. I think i was figuring that if i am going to lose my job, i might as well buy some of things now that i want. I bought three things with that 40 quid, all for my eyes. I have to say though, that i look very cute and pretty with them on, but not too teeny. The colours are really pale mauves and two different pinks. I suppose if I am going to do interviews, I should at least look smart.

Yesterday i went to asda and spent 27 pounds on a new jacket. It's a black and pinky ski jacket, and was reduced from 55 pounds. A bit of an extravagance, but what season in the UK doesn't require a warm and waterproof coat.

I'm getting that familliar feeling. The feeling that i'm losing my job. Only this time without two years service. That means, i get no redundancy pay...

Am feeling very very depressed.

Send me some cheering email.

Please.

I've given up chocolate for Lent. Have managed nearly two days so far, which is good for me. Ubfortunately seem to have replaced choccy with Crisps, which isn't so good.

I have been really struggling to get by the last week or so, and i've finally given in and i'm going to get counselling from the free service that my company subscribes to. I should be able to see someone basically on the way home from work which has several benefits. Unlike the NHS counscelling, i will need to take hardly any time off work. And it's a woman.