Things are a little better with Rawk. At least he has paid his rent now. The fact is, he likes his own company (well, when i say his own company he likes chatting to boys on the internet in his room). He likes ot be spontanous, and feels forced if he has to plan things. I like to plan, and have things to look forward to. I guess neither way is right and neither way is wrong.

The thing i most want to do now is go on holiday. I really want to go to Japan, and i know that Rawk wants to go to, but he has already said 'no'. It's one of those things that i feel that i really missed out on in my 20's, a girlie holiday in the sun... I don't want to go on my own, but i have no friends who would be willing or able to go... so i am trying to see.

I know that there are guided tours and the like, but i worry that i would feel intimidated and wouldn't speak to anyone, and i know that when i went on my own to Ireland i spoek to no-one for nearly two weeks.

But i have been brave. I have booked a ticket for V Fest and will be going by myself. I keep reminding myself that i am stronger than i know...

I still long for that deep, intimate connection with someone..