Yeh, i know he doesn't have to be my best mate, although we were (and are) friends beforehand. As it happens he's thinking about moving to Australia. I guess... it's just nice to have friends, and i think i just got very upset about him walking out.... even though it was apparnetly nothing to do with me at all. It just pushes buttons, y'know.

We do lead seperate lives quite a lot of the time, it's just that i am clearly ready for a deeper connection with someone. That closeness that i see other people having, like he had with his ex...

It does seem that whenever i make friends, things then go well for them and the end up moving on. Which in one way i am always happy, as i love seeing my friends happy.... but in another way said - as it constantly means i have to search for friends, and i never get that long-lasting deeper connection with someone.

Oh well. I suppose the upside is that if Rawk moves out, i can have my lovely large room back, and not get stressed...but...

I need to clean up, the place is a mess, and i know that would make him move out...

And i know that as i feel kind of friendless, i jump in super quick, and i think that puts people off.

I am going to try and limit how often i contact Rawk, as he is quite self-sufficent. It makes me a little sad, but i hope that one day i will find someone who meets me, and wants to be friendly and sociable with me.

I do sing in my choir, buy my friends have mostly now found partners and don't come anymore. Skating is good, but they are mostly partnered up, so it's hard to be sociable.

I think i am going to try and give him some space, both physical and mental. I am not going to contact him now until he contacts me. I am going out tonight, and have choir tomorrow. Wednesday i will be skating (feet depending). Thursday and Friday i will be with him, as we are going to London on a trip - so i think that works out well.

I do wonder if he will in fact stay over at a friend's tonight as it might all be getting a bit much for him...