After a major with the NHS yesterday, I managed to get a referral from my GP to a psych, which my insurance through work should pay for.

I saw him today (so ya boo sucks to the NHS people who told me that the NHS was just as quick as private), and said i have medium depression and anxiety disorder... but more importantly that i could treated. Not so that i'm 100% ok, but maybe 90%. And frankly that sounds wonderful

After all the, nothing we can do's i've had from the NHS it gave me hope.

Right now i still feel low, as i don't have anyone to speak to, but if i can be better... i keep repeating that i can be 90% ok...and it helps me over those moments.

Orion, i suspect, will not see me on Sunday. I feel bad, and the doctor rightly said that i probably think that when things like this happen i blame myself.

Of course i do, but now i also see clearer... the constant let downs are not my fault.

Doesn't make me any less lonely though.

One thing i am going to work on is being less grumpy.It has an affect on other people; i just need to find politer ways of getting people not to talk to me when i'm down.