One way of taking my mind of things is to fill up my life with other stuff. So i'm now at weightwatcher with a couple of the girls from Choir on a Monday, Choir on Tuesday and Skating on Saturday. Not forgetting Cinema most Fridays! This week, i think i am out almost every night! It stops me from being upset because i don't have the close friendship i would like, and of course, gets me out meeting people.

That said, i will always be there for my friends. In fact Orion phoned me at twenty to 11 last night. He was walking around, feeling low. I think he'd had an argument with Blondie, and his family, and was feeling useless and stupid. I know how that goes. And he phoned to talk to someone friendly. Well, that i can do, i told him the funny stuff that had happened on my date a few weeks prior, and my weekend in Torquay (more of which later) and he laughed a bit. I offered to pick him up, but he said he would phone his sister and get her to pick him up.

He said the usual stuff about phoning me the next day etc etc, but i knew he wouldn't. And of course he didn't.

I don't mind being supportive, in fact i am honoured to be thought of, when someone needs to hear a friendly voice. But i am sad that there isn't anyone for me. And that i'm only good for that.

I see other people who are in couples, people who are really not very nice to their partners, and i start to think....maybe the reason i don't have anyone is because i am a truly awful person.