I feel kind of mixed up at the moment. Blondie has said that we are now friends, i texted him and said i was getting a bit worried as he was being really quite nice to me. And paying a bit of interest in things i do, which is really not like him at all, and he said that everything was good, and we are friends, so of course he is nice to me. He's happy and in love with Orion.

And that does please me, makes me very happy. As despite everything that has happened, i care and worry about him a great deal. I know he doesn't actually give a shit about me, but we very rarely can help who we love and care about.

Orion is mercurial as usual, hugging and telling me nice things on the Saturday - and then completely forgetting about me on the Sunday.

I feel jealous, even though i have no right to. But i guess i want that close friendship with someone. Most people ignore me, or say the see me too much. Maybe i'm needy, but...oh...i dunno.

For the first time in about 6 months Blondie actually came over to my desk to speak to me. It was kind of nice. He did the thing about saying he would text me later, but at least i know now that he doesn't mean it. So i have learned something!

I know i shudl stop looking, but o - how i long to have someone special.