I am a bad person.
It's amazing what can happen in 4 weeks.
So i have now told them, that i can't be friends with them both. I am so sad, as for just a few weeks i felt happy and wanted...i think the thing i will miss most is the affection.
It's time for endings and new beginnings...
I'm going out with some work colleagues tonight, although i really feel so tired. Saturday i think i'm giong to rest, watch TV, maybe play some xbox. i want to go dancing, but i now have to go alone. I wouldn't mind...but it's the company that i also need/want/crave.
I'm hoping that the choir will help give me something to focus on in the new year, and of course i have my final ou course.
I am selfish, always thinking about me...me..me...
Although not being friends with either is a big sacrifice.
I want to be a better person and a better friend. How do i learn to do this, without hurting other people?
I wish i had someone to confide in.
There has to be a way for me to become a better person.
I've told Blondie and Orion what i decided and neither has responded. Maybe it's better this way.
Maybe.
1 comment:
A while ago, I started, and then stopped, reading a book about relationships.
In the first chapter it said two things. The first, that relationships are not for selfish people. The second, that before you start a relationship you need to be happy being single. It was at this point I decided to stop reading the book, as I had found all the information I needed!.
In many ways you remind me of me when I was in my 20's. All dressed up and no where to go and, more importantly, no one to go out with. Over the years this feeling gradually went away, especially when I decided that I was trying too hard, and trying to be something that I wasn't, and never would be.
And yes, there is a way for you to become a better person:
1) Focus on the positive things in your life, and stop dwelling on the negative.
2) Don't try and change things that can't be changed, such as human nature, and...
3) Appreciate that most of the people you seem to work with are (apparently) complete a*** holes, and treat them accordingly.
4) Learn to be happy being single.
5) A work colleague once said to me that: "when your in a relationship, your life isn't your own". He was a cynical old sod, but the advice still holds true. Because you can't sit and watch telly, play with the Xbox or read a good book, if the boyfriend wants to take you down the pub, or do something you don't want to do. (ie: The episode of DS9 when Odo is moaning to one of the other characters about relationships, and about having to compromise with your partner, I think sums it all up very well.)
6) Appreciate that you might be so eccentric, and such an individual, you may have nothing in common with anyone else!. If you do meet someone you like, and they like you in return, you might need to adapt your interests accordingly...
7) Desperation is a real turn off, for both potential friends and potential lovers, and frankly you sound pretty desperate.
8) You have spoken, in the past, about being overweight, and wanting to lose weight, basically because you think that being overweight will put off potential boyfriends.
I have a friend who's overweight. She's been happily married for many years, and has a pet dog. Her hubby is also overweight. I also know someone else, who met her husband via the internet. She's also overweight, plus has health problems. I went to school with another overweight young women, a few years younger than me. She's now married with kids!. Another young women I used to work with is also now married. She was on the heavy side (though that would never have put me off!), and I know she lost weight, but she also had a very good social life, and a good, supportive, circle of friends. Conclusion: You don't have to be a thin stick insect to attract men!. Though speaking as a bloke, most blokes prefer the thinner women. But then again my friend has big knockers and a great personality!. Her hubby IS a lucky man.
9) Remember that Charlie the cat will still love you whatever you look like.
10) You have to be happy with your life, and comfortable with your weight, before you can move on from where you are now.
and remember...
"Luck is like the Tour de France. You have to catch it while you can."
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