For just a few hours it was as if I had found a place for myself in the world. A place where i wasn't a sad and lonely single person, weighed down not just by weight but by grief and the knowledge of a life that was the one i wanted. Instead i could be smart and funny, and listen to those who are far smarter than me, and who can make me laugh and think.

Yes a stone gathering! Madcap came from Florida, and Blindside, dee and Grissy were waiting for me. Later dark n kinky turned up. I drove down to Teddington, getting hopelessly lost along the way. That involved me going the wrong way on the m25, and the m3! Still, it was an experience, and i went over the dartford bridge. The day was spent chilling out at the anglers and talking (well, mostly madcap and blindside) and the stone, sci-fi, cons, going through a book called if to learn more about ourselves and each other.

It's so rare for me to not feel different.

I'm torturing myself with someone that I like...as is normal he doesn't like me, and yet i still torture myself.

I'm still losing weight, albeit slowly. I hope to be close to 13 stone by the end of this year. It's certainly acheivable, but as part of my getting a life i seem to be invited to things which involve eating. Food and i don't really get along. I can't stop myself and i get afraid to eat stuff that i don't know the calorific content of it. The Zenical helps though. My other worry is, if i lose this weight...will guys still not want me? I'd like think that I could be a good girlfriend to someone...