I did in fact lose 2lbs, i was heavier previously than i thought!

I'm not doing too badly, although i did cave in and have 3 samosas today. But i know that is down to missing breakfast, which i think shows how important it is.

I may have decided to not feel guilty anymore, but istill do. I was looking through some magazines last night and came across an old cat magazine with a picture of a cat looking forlorn. It instantly morphed into a picture of my mother crying. Her eyes asking why am i alone.

I wish i had a magic wand that i could wave and make everything ok. But i don't, and i can't. I just have to harden myself. It's not as if mum is in her 80's and living alone, she's only in her 50's.

Aunty Jenny got remarried and moved on, so Joolz doesn't have to worry...it seems unfair to me, but no-one said that life would be fair. I guess if mum makes the decision not to have friends and a social life, it is her choice. If she wants to live in fear or crying, again i guess it's her choice.

I just cannot help but feel responsible, even though i am not.

I guess what i want is a normal life, with a husband and maybe a child. But i would settle for just a boyfriend really.

Oh eek. My personal trainer rang, he's shifts changed and he wanted me to come in for 7:30am tomorrow, or 7pm tonight. I can't do either of those as a)i have to leave home for work at 8am and b)i don't have my gym stuff with me so can't make 7pm.

He says that he will come back just for my session which i feel slightly guilty about, but i can't really help that as it's not my fault.