I found my pendant, which was a brucie bonus. But am having another attack over petrol. I should have had enough to get to work and buy some more before the journey home this evening, but the traffic was pretty bad this morning and i constantly stopped and started.

About 20 mins from work the petrol light came on. Because i was on morning checks i couldn't drive straight to the petrol station. The gauge is virtually on empty.

I'm sure that there will be enough to get me to the petrol station, which is only a mile or so away. But i feel my chest tightening and my heart racing, and i find it hard to concentrate.

I'll be going there at lunchtime, because leaving it until it is dark is stupid. I have my phone charged up so that i can call for help...

I've just realised why everyone seems to be reading The Shipping News. How stupid do i feel?

Half Ten: i went and got petrol. It felt like i was driving on fumes... am much calmer now.

So how am i doing on the eating plan? Not bad. Not good either, but still. You know what i had during the day, and i really struggled not to go for my crisps and chocolate. I got home, and did some shopping (some tins, and packets of noodles), and ended up havign a tin of lentil dhal for tea. I quite like it, although it isn't as good as a home cooked version.

I admit that i did have some chocolates (not bars, but one of those mars celebrations and a couple of french chocolates) which was not good. but i just couldn't go cold turkey.

Today i had my weetabix, but no laughing cow because i ate my last one yesterday! I had a potato with beans and cheese. I might have tuna tomorrow. I shoudl really bring in grated cheese from home, i pay 75p at work which is really too dear. And this way i could ensure i am eating the correct amount.

I have a tin of heinz macaroni cheese for my afternoon low (not as thrilling as choccie and crisps, but it takes ages to eat, which is a really good thing). Dull, dull.

I was speaking to S on messenger tonight. and i feel a little...i don't have the word. I mentioned that i wanted to find a nice bloke, and he said that one had already asked me, but i turned him down. He meant himself. but the trouble was he asked me after i had been attacked by Evil Derek, and i was in no state of mind to go places alone with some bloke that i hardly knew (we know each other better now). S has a girlfriend now (someone more suitable than me, trust me on this), but i wondered if by saying no (even though it was completely understandable), i had ruined my chances of eve being asked by anyone.

Of course, if he was the one for me i think that he would probably have been more atune to the fact that i didn't trust blokes at that time, and would have waited for time until i wasn't so frightened anymore. He obviously wouldn't have been right for me if he couldn't wait.

But now i feel bad for wishing i could find someone, when i was offered.... What do you think?

I'm still reading the Oracle Glass, and have reserved quite a few more. I'm really trying to expand my reading. Not that i don't read, but sometimes i feel as if i have quite a narrow range.

Japanese learnt today: Smallkat no baka (smallkat is an idiot). I'm going to try and relearn all those things, so i can easily count, and say please and thankyou without hesitating.